Warm and moist

turbanmasher

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?

MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?

MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the man returns.

MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?

MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well...where is he?

MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.

CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.

CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm...It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

+553

Views:	27709
Favorited:	36
Submitted:	11/01/2013

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+39

#9 - Dmitri (11/02/2013) [+] (1 reply)

stickied by turbanmasher

When my dad buys dog food (15/25kg bags) he tells the people in line that he works at an orphanage and the kids can hardly tell the difference.
I don't think I've ever seen anyone realise it's a joke....

+114

#1 - crazyolitis (11/01/2013) [-]

What kind of ******* store asks you to show your pets before they sell you petfood?

#8 to #1 - kiboz (11/02/2013) [-]

It's actually a much better joke, I'm just kind of lazy to write it atm.

#6 to #1 - songemot (11/02/2013) [-]

One that won't stay in business very long.

+11

#2 to #1 - nynewars (11/01/2013) [-]

It's to fit the joke.

+29

#3 to #2 - crazyolitis (11/01/2013) [-]

Still. For some reason it irritates me.

#14 to #3 - ofc (11/02/2013) [-]

Yeah I didn't really find this funny at all, you can't just make up stupid logic in a joke just for the punchline..

#21 to #14 - turbanmasher [OP](11/03/2013) [-]

you dont have a sense of humour then. jokes dont have to be logical.

#22 to #21 - ofc (11/03/2013) [-]

+21

#4 - rebuttal (11/01/2013) [-]

that ending

#7 to #4 - shangrula ONLINE (11/02/2013) [-]

thats the first time i've seen seananners as a reaction image! his faces are ******* hysterical!

#5 to #4 - Midirr (11/02/2013) [-]

Seananners!!!

#12 - sanguinesolitude (11/02/2013) [-]

-1

#10 - puremadmentalged ONLINE (11/02/2013) [-]

Well she learned a ****** lesson

#17 to #10 - desuforeverlulz (11/02/2013) [-]

#18 to #17 - puremadmentalged ONLINE (11/02/2013) [-]

I do, oh believe me I do

#11 - anon (11/02/2013) [-]

#23 - FatherPedobear (11/05/2013) [-]

What kind of ******* store is this

#19 - fgtometer (11/02/2013) [-]

Yesterday I was at my local CO-OP buying a large bag of Purina dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant?

So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with
my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

#16 - thegamerslife (11/02/2013) [-]

Store policies that put responsibility on a consumer to prove their need for a product before selling it to them is ******* retarded!

Back when my friend was 18, he was coming over to my house to shoot our .22lr RIFLES.
he stopped by a walmart to pick some up and when they asked for idea it should not have been an issue. (rifle ammo =18yr old to buy. pistol ammo = 21yr to buy)
they said because there are .22lr pistols they could not know his intention with the ammo and thus could not sell it to him... he had to pick me up and go back so I could buy it for us and thus cost him tax on top (he's from OR and I from WA. I have to pay taxes).
the same thing has happened with people who own 9mm rifles that try to get ammo there.