War Stories. Take the ones from users with a pinch of salt. Sources: #1 - #2 - #3 - www.ww2f.com/topic/22615-just-a-funny-little-story/ #4 - www.ww2f.com/topic/ War Stories Take the ones from users with a pinch of salt Sources: #1 - #2 #3 www ww2f com/topic/22615-just-a-funny-little-story/ #4 com/topic/
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War Stories

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War Stories. Take the ones from users with a pinch of salt. Sources: #1 - #2 - #3 - www.ww2f.com/topic/22615-just-a-funny-little-story/ #4 - www.ww2f.com/topic/

Take the ones from users with a pinch of salt.
Sources:
#1 - You need to login to view this link
#2 - You need to login to view this link
#3 - www.ww2f.com/topic/22615-just-a-funny-little-story/
#4 - www.ww2f.com/topic/22615-just-a-funny-little-story/
#5 - forums.unknownworlds.com/discussion/39001/funny-war-stories
#6 - You need to login to view this link

Total time to make: 1 hour 51 minutes.

Notes: This is my first ever compilation so I hope you guys enjoy.

2/ WAR STORIES
ffl - THE RACE
on one mission in Guam, several ofthe frogmen scurried up onto the
beach in full view ofthe enemy. With bullets and death quickly reaching
them, they hastily left something behind and got out outhere. They had
risked their lives so that when the Marines invaded Guam later, they
would Md a certain sign waiting farther:
Yep, it' s a sign planted in the middle ovatar zone,
taunting soldiers for coming in second place in the race to
get to a spot where they were likely to die.
Naturally, the frogmen' s commanding pissed off and
reprimanded the men. And then proceeded to brag about the incident
to Marine generals later.
fit? - ALL OUT
During one mission in 1971, first lieutenant Gordon Evans was flying an
Bronco" scout plane and saw some North Vietnamese soldiers
he wanted to shoot. His four machine guns would do them beautifully.
Except the darn rules said the soldiers had to Fare at him
First, and here is where you realize that war is fucking madness.
in order's get the enemy to shoot at him, Evans went in low,
intentionally trying to provide a juicy target. No dice n they just watched
him fly by. He went around again, time, deliberately trying to
get the men on the ground with machine guns to try to murder him.
An "Bronco"
Again, they refrained.
Finally, Evans decided he' d give them starlet they couldn' t resist.
He came around again, landing gear down, full flaps, landing lights .-
the equivalent ofa "SHORT ME DAMN IT'' neon sign on his aircraft.
This time he got a reaction: Several dudes shot him TVV the moon.
They knew exactly what he was doing and were too smart to take the
bait. so, in true "war isjust high school with more guns" style, they
dropped tron and fillion moaned him.
3 - NOT MUCH OF A
BLESSING
I used to work for a man who was missing half ofthe ring Finger on his left hand.
He was a grunt in Vietnam. one night they were moving to ambush some NVA
who were trying to ambush them. His squad had moved behind the NVA ambush
position and needed to cross a river or creek to get into a butterflying position.
When he was about halfway across, one ofthe NVA sneezed. one of my boss'
squad mates said "God bless you." The NVA heard him and
turned around, seeing my boss, still on the log and silhouetted against a rising
full moon. They opened Fare on him hitting him twice. one went through his shirt
and cut a strap on his pack. The other hit was to his Finger as he was holding his
rifle in his left hand. _ on . com
tta - TAKING A BREAK
pilot told be afunny one from Nam.
They were going into a hot , both owls door gunners Firing away. The
hell took afew hits, and suddenly the door gunners went silent. He did a
quick look behind him, and saw one gunner motionless on the floor, and
the other grabbing at his head. He felt both were done for, and tried to go
back to his business, when after a few moments he heard both guns back
in action. Later he asked what in hell happened.
one " round came through the floor ofthe Huey, clipping one gunner in
the heel onhis boot, which shot his leg upward, and he cocked himself
with a knee to the chin, momentarily knocking ! The other guy
had a round afterthe space between his head and helmet, spinning his
helmet sideways, covering his face. We was trying to tug his helmet back
around so he could see! on . com
5 - GOLD BIGGER
I sat down with my gramps and his brother yesterday, at a family reunion.
They both served in WWY. one was in the Africa campaign, the other, in
Normandy, MARKET GARDEN, and Battle of the Bulge. I sat down, and wrote
down things...
The one who served in Africa
l was a private, a tank driver. Anyways, I was sitting by the side of my tank,
reading a newspaper andjust relaxing. All of a sudden I felt a horrible itch
when I breathed out... and the normal human reaction? I picked my nose. Half-
way through the nose picking, a shadow fell over me. I looked up with my
finger stuck full up my nose. General Patton... standing over me... with a
bunch overmy planners and such. I slowly started to take my finger out of
my nose. "Soldier, did I give you an order to take your finger from your
nose?" He asked I of course, gave him a full blown "No sir" which sounded
very high pitch. Carry on soldier, and hunt that booger dew 'He then
walked off. with the group overmy people staring at me.'
on . com
in . cm Clarence J. Stoddard. flying an Skylander,
number 572 "Paper Tiger ll" aboard USS Midway, carried a special
bomb to the North Vietnamese in commemoration of the e millionth
pound of ordinance dropped. This bomb was unique because of the
type... it was a toilet!
The flight was a Dixie Station strike (South Vietnam) going to the
Delta. When they arrived in the target area and cm Stoddard was
reading the ordnance list to the Forward Air controller. he ended with
and one code name ".
The FAC couldn' t believe it undefined up to see it.
it was dropped in a dive with Lieutenant commander David Bacon flying tight
wing position to film the drop. When it came off. it turned hole to the wind and
almost struck Bacon' s airplane. The FAC said that it whistled all the way down.
The toilet was a damaged toilet, which was going to be thrown overboard. One
of the plane captains rescued it and the ordinance crew made a rack, tailwind
and nose fuse for it. The checkers maintained a position to block the view of
the air boss and the Captain while the aircraft was taxiing forward.
Just as 572 was being launched off. they got a message from the bridge,
What the hell was on 572' s right wing?"
...
+655
Views: 33674 Submitted: 02/12/2014
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[ 125 comments ]
> hey anon, wanna give your opinion?
asd
#56 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply +108 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [+] (4 replies)
stickied by ianmcgunny
I made a thing. I like my thing.
#75 to #56 - gingerjew **User deleted account**
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
you make nice things do you wanna make a thing with me?
User avatar #77 to #75 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Depends what kind of thing?
#78 to #77 - gingerjew **User deleted account**
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
A really cool thing with blackjack and hookers
#83 to #78 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
You ******* got me.
You ******* got me.
User avatar #28 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply +28 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [+] (7 replies)
stickied by ianmcgunny
I am currently working on another compilation of war stories. The next one will have some more serious stories in it.
#35 to #28 - anon id: 656660d5
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
Look up one of Lt. Capodanno during Vietnam. He has a very interesting story
User avatar #84 to #28 - badmotorfinger
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
you should mention the hotel in Stalingrad that 20 russian men defended against hundreds of Nazis
User avatar #86 to #84 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Would you happen to know the name of the city/ battle/ someone in it?
User avatar #89 to #86 - badmotorfinger
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Pavlov's house- Stalingrad, Russia

Russian commander joked that the nazis lost more men trying to take that building than they did taking Paris
User avatar #98 to #28 - thesovereigngrave
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
You could mention the Battle of Wizna. During WWII less than 720 Polish soldiers defended a fortified line for 3 days against more than 40,000 Germans.
#57 to #28 - graknab
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Heres one I heard third hand from my friend's grandfather;

He served in Vietnam, and as you may know, there was a lot of drug use among the grunts, and he had a friend who was a dealer. This guy from another platoon bought a hit of acid from him, right before they were being sent out into the jungle, so he put it in his helmet for later. Something you should know about acid is that when it not only does it melt in heat, but can be absorbed through the pores in ones skin. However, they went out at night, and forgot that he left it there in the morning. While they were hiking, the jungle was getting hotter and hotter, when the CO stopped, because there was a rat hole. He was chosen to go in and search/ clear it out. Armed with a pistol and a knife, he crawled in, just as the acid was stating to take effect. Several hours, later, he had not returned, and they left without him, assuming he died. Two weeks later, he showed up at the camp, with a well drawn map and FIFTY FOUR Vietcong thumbs.

tldr acid makes you OP as ****
User avatar #82 to #57 - karson
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
I know a guy who is a vietnam vet, infantry. He said they had a "candy jar" that was basically full of random prescription painkillers. He said they would all just grab handfuls and take them. He swore to god he was fighting aliens in the jungle, haha.
User avatar #124 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/14/2014) [-]
stickied by ianmcgunny
#34 - diblie
Reply +26 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
May have to enlarge.


"DS" is Drill Sergeant
User avatar #44 to #34 - theracistpanda
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
I poked myself in the eye laughing at this, **** you
#46 to #44 - diblie
Reply +16 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
#49 to #46 - theracistpanda
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
EOG
#50 to #49 - theracistpanda
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
#51 to #50 - theracistpanda
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
#45 to #44 - diblie
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Here, have some more.
User avatar #42 - garykn
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
My old history teacher fought in Vietnam and one day just spent the whole day telling us some of his war stories. He told us about how one day when they went to fill up their canteens in a river they went up river to check it and make sure the water was safe. It was the only time they ever found something. It was a corpse. The head was completely decayed away leaving just the skull so they took it. After that every time they set up camp they would take an M-16, stick the bayonet in the ground, and set the skull on the butt with a hat on it's head and a cigarette in it's mouth. They called it their mascot.
#1 - iphony
Reply +12 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
#21 - comradewinter
Reply -5 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
If any of these are remotely true, it really brings out how douche the Americans are in warfare. Most of these are innocent, but poking NVA into attacking you just so you can kill them? That's just psychotic, most soldiers who fight in wars would rather only kill when inevitable. And dropping a toilet just to prove how much **** they've dumped on Vietnamese soil again proves how cynical they are.
#91 to #21 - defender
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Right and you are the all knowing supreme commander of everything military and OP should be honored to have your ****** opinion in his comments
User avatar #36 to #21 - toadkillerdog
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
cause nothing like this ever happens with any other military... and everyone knows people instantly become ******* androids that have to save everyone no matter whether or not it gets them killed.
#25 to #21 - WatIsATroll
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
yeah only douchey idiots want to kill their enemy in a war.
#3 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply +8 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
Congrats lightbulb
#8 to #3 - jazzd
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
Of course it knows the word
User avatar #9 to #8 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/12/2014) [-]
The Trashmen - Surfin Bird - Bird Is The Word Original Video - Peter Griffin Favorite!
User avatar #101 - thereasonableperso
Reply +7 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
I know a guy who faought in 'NAM as a huey pilot. Here's on of his stories.

'So we were flying a clathred Viet officer to ******************* it was to be interrogated and my door gun, a big burly fellow told me to fly higher. He kept telling me to fly higher and eventually I reached max altitude. I couldn't go any higher. I look back at him and he's holding the viet officer by one leg, dangling him out of the chopper. Needless to say he told us everything.'
#104 to #101 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Holy ****, did he drop him afterwards?
User avatar #121 to #104 - thereasonableperso
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
No.
User avatar #119 to #104 - catburglarpenis
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Yeah but he kicked him into the goal halfway down. It was his special move for Blitzball.
User avatar #102 to #101 - thereasonableperso
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
*captured viet officer
User avatar #108 - karson
Reply +6 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
My grandfather joined the airforce in 1944 as army infantry. my family has a box with a note written in German that says "I give up. You win." and it contains a german Iron cross medal. My grandfather and my dad said the officer gave him his walther pistol as well, and my grandfather carried it around in his car for years as a concealed weapon, until someone broke into his car and stole it.
My grandfather was infantry at the end of ww2, then he switched to air force and wanted to be a fighter pilot. my grandmother refused to let him be a fighter pilot, so he instead flew cargo planes. He flew in the korean war and the vietnam war. In vietnam, for a short time, he actually flew the "spooky," which is the predecessor of the modern day AC-130 gunship. He lost some friends and co-pilots, and his commander returned him to regular cargo/personnel runs, since he had 5 sons and they needed him to support them. He was even shot in the arm by a sniper when he was landing once in vietnam. He said he had to land in some pretty hot places at times. He lost a few co-pilots when flying standard cargo planes too. in 2001, my father and him went to an airshow in florida. There was an air force C130 there. My grandfather saw the ID number on wing and his eyes started tearing up. he went and kissed the side of the plane. It turns out that was the same C130 he had flown all those years ago in vietnam.
My aunt is adopted, she was a vietnamese orphan and a newborn. My grandfather adopted her, and had the orphanage keep her until his tour was over and he would fly home. My grandmother didn't know and immediately accused my grandfather of being the biological father, thinking that her mother was just some vietnamese prostitute. My aunt is now a university professor.

These are all stories my dad has relayed to me from my grandfather. my grandfather died in 2001, so I never really got to talk to him much, I wasn't old enough to understand at the time.
User avatar #113 to #108 - giveupnow
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Just saying that the C-130 was invented in the 50's.
User avatar #115 to #113 - karson
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
I didn't mention the C-130 until vietnam. even in the beginning of vietnam, he flew something else, like a C-147 or something like that. it had twin tails, i remember seeing pictures of it. I don't think the spooky he flew was a C-130 either. I'm not sure what He did in korea. but I also know in the 50's he was also involved as a test pilot for some of the early twin rotor helicopters. Like I said, I'm not sure. apparently he didn't talk about what he did much, until he was close to the end. Some of the stuff we learned after he died, through his friends.
User avatar #114 to #113 - giveupnow
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Awesome story none the less.
#110 to #108 - ianmcgunny [OP]
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Damn, thats deep.
Damn, thats deep.
User avatar #111 to #110 - karson
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
I know it's not funny, but figured I'd share anyways.

I seriously wish he was still alive. I imagine I could have a conversation with him for days. the guy fought in 3 ******* wars, I'm sure what I know is a small part of all the stories he had.
User avatar #66 - captfuckhead
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Not really a war story, but here it goes.

My dad was in the Air Force during the 1980s(height of the cold war, so I guess it counts), stateside, babysitting Minuteman II ICBMs. During this time, there wasn't much for him to do, not like anything happens in South Dakota, right?

Well, luckily for him, the Motorpool had one of the last military-issued Dodge Power Wagons(the 1970s pickup trucks, not the cool, old WWII ones), and dad always laid claim to the only one that had the 440 cubic inch big block under the hood. To this day he bitches about how the slant-six-powered ones had 'no balls whatsoever'.
#67 to #66 - captfuckhead
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
aaand I hit a button, way to go me.

Anyways, so him and his partner are out in the field, bored as hell. So one day they decide to jump the blast doors on one of the silos in their Power Wagon.

Cue the Dukes of Hazzard music.

Now, the blast doors on a Minuteman II Missile Silo are pretty ******* massive. 90 tons of reinforced steel and concrete. That old Dodge Power Wagon went flying, and my dad and his partner, no seatbelts, only protection being their issued combat helmets, went flying around inside.

He still swears up and down that after that there were two helmet-shaped dents in the roof of that truck.
User avatar #68 to #67 - captfuckhead
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
And...because I'm a ******* dumbass, I forgot to add another tidbit.

My uncle, at the time my dad was in the Air Force, was in as well, though a part of a different Squadron. At the time, he was the crew chief for a B-52 bomber stationed at the same base my dad was stationed at. Family lore goes that supposedly, the old 'Air Force Now' commercials that had a B-52 taking off over a mountain range, that was my uncle's bird. Now, I have no way of proving this, so I just chalk it up as two old dudes trying to make themselves seem more awesome than they were.
User avatar #72 to #67 - datsheriff
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
I really hope that was a true story, because goddamn that sounds ******* awesome.
User avatar #90 to #72 - captfuckhead
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
oh no, I fully believe that my dad was dumb enough to launch military hardware off of other military hardware when he was younger. The one I'm not certain on is just how famous my Uncle's B-52 was. I know he was a crew chief for one, and later went on to being a computer tech in the Air Force.

Also, fun another fun bit....my dad once sat on a live nuclear warhead while he was in....dunno if that's a good thing or bad thing.
User avatar #92 to #90 - datsheriff
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
Well, ****. Couldn't pay enough for me to do that.


Now I'm laughing like a sonofabitch because I'm picturing that old red dodge flying through the air with two guys screaming like kids in a candy store.
#94 to #92 - captfuckhead
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
<- well actually, the Air Force has this thing about painting everything that they can blue.
User avatar #103 to #94 - datsheriff
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(02/13/2014) [-]
A man can dream. Hell, it's still funny.