2/ WAR STORIES
ffl - THE RACE
on one mission in Guam, several ofthe frogmen scurried up onto the
beach in full view ofthe enemy. With bullets and death quickly reaching
them, they hastily left something behind and got out outhere. They had
risked their lives so that when the Marines invaded Guam later, they
would Md a certain sign waiting farther:
Yep, it' s a sign planted in the middle ovatar zone,
taunting soldiers for coming in second place in the race to
get to a spot where they were likely to die.
Naturally, the frogmen' s commanding pissed off and
reprimanded the men. And then proceeded to brag about the incident
to Marine generals later.
fit? - ALL OUT
During one mission in 1971, first lieutenant Gordon Evans was flying an
Bronco" scout plane and saw some North Vietnamese soldiers
he wanted to shoot. His four machine guns would do them beautifully.
Except the darn rules said the soldiers had to Fare at him
First, and here is where you realize that war is fucking madness.
in order's get the enemy to shoot at him, Evans went in low,
intentionally trying to provide a juicy target. No dice n they just watched
him fly by. He went around again, time, deliberately trying to
get the men on the ground with machine guns to try to murder him.
Again, they refrained.
Finally, Evans decided he' d give them starlet they couldn' t resist.
He came around again, landing gear down, full flaps, landing lights .-
the equivalent ofa "SHORT ME DAMN IT'' neon sign on his aircraft.
This time he got a reaction: Several dudes shot him TVV the moon.
They knew exactly what he was doing and were too smart to take the
bait. so, in true "war isjust high school with more guns" style, they
dropped tron and fillion moaned him.
3 - NOT MUCH OF A
I used to work for a man who was missing half ofthe ring Finger on his left hand.
He was a grunt in Vietnam. one night they were moving to ambush some NVA
who were trying to ambush them. His squad had moved behind the NVA ambush
position and needed to cross a river or creek to get into a butterflying position.
When he was about halfway across, one ofthe NVA sneezed. one of my boss'
squad mates said "God bless you." The NVA heard him and
turned around, seeing my boss, still on the log and silhouetted against a rising
full moon. They opened Fare on him hitting him twice. one went through his shirt
and cut a strap on his pack. The other hit was to his Finger as he was holding his
rifle in his left hand. _ on . com
tta - TAKING A BREAK
pilot told be afunny one from Nam.
They were going into a hot , both owls door gunners Firing away. The
hell took afew hits, and suddenly the door gunners went silent. He did a
quick look behind him, and saw one gunner motionless on the floor, and
the other grabbing at his head. He felt both were done for, and tried to go
back to his business, when after a few moments he heard both guns back
in action. Later he asked what in hell happened.
one " round came through the floor ofthe Huey, clipping one gunner in
the heel onhis boot, which shot his leg upward, and he cocked himself
with a knee to the chin, momentarily knocking ! The other guy
had a round afterthe space between his head and helmet, spinning his
helmet sideways, covering his face. We was trying to tug his helmet back
around so he could see! on . com
5 - GOLD BIGGER
I sat down with my gramps and his brother yesterday, at a family reunion.
They both served in WWY. one was in the Africa campaign, the other, in
Normandy, MARKET GARDEN, and Battle of the Bulge. I sat down, and wrote
The one who served in Africa
l was a private, a tank driver. Anyways, I was sitting by the side of my tank,
reading a newspaper andjust relaxing. All of a sudden I felt a horrible itch
when I breathed out... and the normal human reaction? I picked my nose. Half-
way through the nose picking, a shadow fell over me. I looked up with my
finger stuck full up my nose. General Patton... standing over me... with a
bunch overmy planners and such. I slowly started to take my finger out of
my nose. "Soldier, did I give you an order to take your finger from your
nose?" He asked I of course, gave him a full blown "No sir" which sounded
very high pitch. Carry on soldier, and hunt that booger dew 'He then
walked off. with the group overmy people staring at me.'
on . com
in . cm Clarence J. Stoddard. flying an Skylander,
number 572 "Paper Tiger ll" aboard USS Midway, carried a special
bomb to the North Vietnamese in commemoration of the e millionth
pound of ordinance dropped. This bomb was unique because of the
type... it was a toilet!
The flight was a Dixie Station strike (South Vietnam) going to the
Delta. When they arrived in the target area and cm Stoddard was
reading the ordnance list to the Forward Air controller. he ended with
and one code name ".
The FAC couldn' t believe it undefined up to see it.
it was dropped in a dive with Lieutenant commander David Bacon flying tight
wing position to film the drop. When it came off. it turned hole to the wind and
almost struck Bacon' s airplane. The FAC said that it whistled all the way down.
The toilet was a damaged toilet, which was going to be thrown overboard. One
of the plane captains rescued it and the ordinance crew made a rack, tailwind
and nose fuse for it. The checkers maintained a position to block the view of
the air boss and the Captain while the aircraft was taxiing forward.
Just as 572 was being launched off. they got a message from the bridge,
What the hell was on 572' s right wing?"