War Stories. Take the ones from users with a pinch of salt. Sources: #1 - #2 - #3 - #4 - #5 - #6 - Total time to make: 1 hour 51 minutes. Notes: This is my firs
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War Stories

Take the ones from users with a pinch of salt.
Sources:
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Total time to make: 1 hour 51 minutes.

Notes: This is my first ever compilation so I hope you guys enjoy.

2/ WAR STORIES
ffl - THE RACE
on one mission in Guam, several ofthe frogmen scurried up onto the
beach in full view ofthe enemy. With bullets and death quickly reaching
them, they hastily left something behind and got out outhere. They had
risked their lives so that when the Marines invaded Guam later, they
would Md a certain sign waiting farther:
Yep, it' s a sign planted in the middle ovatar zone,
taunting soldiers for coming in second place in the race to
get to a spot where they were likely to die.
Naturally, the frogmen' s commanding pissed off and
reprimanded the men. And then proceeded to brag about the incident
to Marine generals later.
fit? - ALL OUT
During one mission in 1971, first lieutenant Gordon Evans was flying an
Bronco" scout plane and saw some North Vietnamese soldiers
he wanted to shoot. His four machine guns would do them beautifully.
Except the darn rules said the soldiers had to Fare at him
First, and here is where you realize that war is ******* madness.
in order's get the enemy to shoot at him, Evans went in low,
intentionally trying to provide a juicy target. No dice n they just watched
him fly by. He went around again, time, deliberately trying to
get the men on the ground with machine guns to try to murder him.
An "Bronco"
Again, they refrained.
Finally, Evans decided he' d give them starlet they couldn' t resist.
He came around again, landing gear down, full flaps, landing lights .-
the equivalent ofa "SHORT ME DAMN IT'' neon sign on his aircraft.
This time he got a reaction: Several dudes shot him TVV the moon.
They knew exactly what he was doing and were too smart to take the
bait. so, in true "war isjust high school with more guns" style, they
dropped tron and fillion moaned him.
3 - NOT MUCH OF A
BLESSING
I used to work for a man who was missing half ofthe ring Finger on his left hand.
He was a grunt in Vietnam. one night they were moving to ambush some NVA
who were trying to ambush them. His squad had moved behind the NVA ambush
position and needed to cross a river or creek to get into a butterflying position.
When he was about halfway across, one ofthe NVA sneezed. one of my boss'
squad mates said "God bless you." The NVA heard him and
turned around, seeing my boss, still on the log and silhouetted against a rising
full moon. They opened Fare on him hitting him twice. one went through his shirt
and cut a strap on his pack. The other hit was to his Finger as he was holding his
rifle in his left hand. _ on . com
tta - TAKING A BREAK
pilot told be afunny one from Nam.
They were going into a hot , both owls door gunners Firing away. The
hell took afew hits, and suddenly the door gunners went silent. He did a
quick look behind him, and saw one gunner motionless on the floor, and
the other grabbing at his head. He felt both were done for, and tried to go
back to his business, when after a few moments he heard both guns back
in action. Later he asked what in hell happened.
one " round came through the floor ofthe Huey, clipping one gunner in
the heel onhis boot, which shot his leg upward, and he cocked himself
with a knee to the chin, momentarily knocking ! The other guy
had a round afterthe space between his head and helmet, spinning his
helmet sideways, covering his face. We was trying to tug his helmet back
around so he could see! on . com
5 - GOLD BIGGER
I sat down with my gramps and his brother yesterday, at a family reunion.
They both served in WWY. one was in the Africa campaign, the other, in
Normandy, MARKET GARDEN, and Battle of the Bulge. I sat down, and wrote
down things...
The one who served in Africa
l was a private, a tank driver. Anyways, I was sitting by the side of my tank,
reading a newspaper andjust relaxing. All of a sudden I felt a horrible itch
when I breathed out... and the normal human reaction? I picked my nose. Half-
way through the nose picking, a shadow fell over me. I looked up with my
finger stuck full up my nose. General Patton... standing over me... with a
bunch overmy planners and such. I slowly started to take my finger out of
my nose. "Soldier, did I give you an order to take your finger from your
nose?" He asked I of course, gave him a full blown "No sir" which sounded
very high pitch. Carry on soldier, and hunt that booger dew 'He then
walked off. with the group overmy people staring at me.'
on . com
in . cm Clarence J. Stoddard. flying an Skylander,
number 572 "Paper Tiger ll" aboard USS Midway, carried a special
bomb to the North Vietnamese in commemoration of the e millionth
pound of ordinance dropped. This bomb was unique because of the
type... it was a toilet!
The flight was a Dixie Station strike (South Vietnam) going to the
Delta. When they arrived in the target area and cm Stoddard was
reading the ordnance list to the Forward Air controller. he ended with
and one code name ".
The FAC couldn' t believe it undefined up to see it.
it was dropped in a dive with Lieutenant commander David Bacon flying tight
wing position to film the drop. When it came off. it turned hole to the wind and
almost struck Bacon' s airplane. The FAC said that it whistled all the way down.
The toilet was a damaged toilet, which was going to be thrown overboard. One
of the plane captains rescued it and the ordinance crew made a rack, tailwind
and nose fuse for it. The checkers maintained a position to block the view of
the air boss and the Captain while the aircraft was taxiing forward.
Just as 572 was being launched off. they got a message from the bridge,
What the hell was on 572' s right wing?"
...
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Submitted: 02/12/2014
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Comments(125):

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What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#56 - ianmcgunny (02/13/2014) [+] (4 replies)
stickied by ianmcgunny
I made a thing. I like my thing.
User avatar #28 - ianmcgunny (02/12/2014) [+] (7 replies)
stickied by ianmcgunny
I am currently working on another compilation of war stories. The next one will have some more serious stories in it.
#34 - diblie (02/12/2014) [+] (6 replies)
May have to enlarge.


"DS" is Drill Sergeant
User avatar #42 - garykn (02/12/2014) [-]
My old history teacher fought in Vietnam and one day just spent the whole day telling us some of his war stories. He told us about how one day when they went to fill up their canteens in a river they went up river to check it and make sure the water was safe. It was the only time they ever found something. It was a corpse. The head was completely decayed away leaving just the skull so they took it. After that every time they set up camp they would take an M-16, stick the bayonet in the ground, and set the skull on the butt with a hat on it's head and a cigarette in it's mouth. They called it their mascot.
#1 - iphony ONLINE (02/12/2014) [-]
#21 - comradewinter ONLINE (02/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
If any of these are remotely true, it really brings out how douche the Americans are in warfare. Most of these are innocent, but poking NVA into attacking you just so you can kill them? That's just psychotic, most soldiers who fight in wars would rather only kill when inevitable. And dropping a toilet just to prove how much **** they've dumped on Vietnamese soil again proves how cynical they are.
#25 to #21 - WatIsATroll (02/12/2014) [-]
yeah only douchey idiots want to kill their enemy in a war.
#3 - ianmcgunny (02/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Congrats lightbulb
#101 - thereasonableperso (02/13/2014) [+] (4 replies)
I know a guy who faought in 'NAM as a huey pilot. Here's on of his stories.

'So we were flying a clathred Viet officer to ******************* it was to be interrogated and my door gun, a big burly fellow told me to fly higher. He kept telling me to fly higher and eventually I reached max altitude. I couldn't go any higher. I look back at him and he's holding the viet officer by one leg, dangling him out of the chopper. Needless to say he told us everything.'
User avatar #108 - karson (02/13/2014) [+] (5 replies)
My grandfather joined the airforce in 1944 as army infantry. my family has a box with a note written in German that says "I give up. You win." and it contains a german Iron cross medal. My grandfather and my dad said the officer gave him his walther pistol as well, and my grandfather carried it around in his car for years as a concealed weapon, until someone broke into his car and stole it.
My grandfather was infantry at the end of ww2, then he switched to air force and wanted to be a fighter pilot. my grandmother refused to let him be a fighter pilot, so he instead flew cargo planes. He flew in the korean war and the vietnam war. In vietnam, for a short time, he actually flew the "spooky," which is the predecessor of the modern day AC-130 gunship. He lost some friends and co-pilots, and his commander returned him to regular cargo/personnel runs, since he had 5 sons and they needed him to support them. He was even shot in the arm by a sniper when he was landing once in vietnam. He said he had to land in some pretty hot places at times. He lost a few co-pilots when flying standard cargo planes too. in 2001, my father and him went to an airshow in florida. There was an air force C130 there. My grandfather saw the ID number on wing and his eyes started tearing up. he went and kissed the side of the plane. It turns out that was the same C130 he had flown all those years ago in vietnam.
My aunt is adopted, she was a vietnamese orphan and a newborn. My grandfather adopted her, and had the orphanage keep her until his tour was over and he would fly home. My grandmother didn't know and immediately accused my grandfather of being the biological father, thinking that her mother was just some vietnamese prostitute. My aunt is now a university professor.

These are all stories my dad has relayed to me from my grandfather. my grandfather died in 2001, so I never really got to talk to him much, I wasn't old enough to understand at the time.
User avatar #66 - captfuckhead (02/13/2014) [+] (7 replies)
Not really a war story, but here it goes.

My dad was in the Air Force during the 1980s(height of the cold war, so I guess it counts), stateside, babysitting Minuteman II ICBMs. During this time, there wasn't much for him to do, not like anything happens in South Dakota, right?

Well, luckily for him, the Motorpool had one of the last military-issued Dodge Power Wagons(the 1970s pickup trucks, not the cool, old WWII ones), and dad always laid claim to the only one that had the 440 cubic inch big block under the hood. To this day he bitches about how the slant-six-powered ones had 'no balls whatsoever'.
#71 - datsheriff (02/13/2014) [+] (12 replies)
I 						*******					 love war stories, guise.   
   
May I have moar?
I ******* love war stories, guise.

May I have moar?
#6 - messerschmidto ONLINE (02/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
Here's the bomb for those who want it
Nice comp man, this was great
User avatar #20 to #6 - meganinja ONLINE (02/12/2014) [-]
Somebody should caption this with something along the lines of

"Tactical ********* inbound"
User avatar #112 - SubjectThree (02/13/2014) [-]
"What te hell was on 572's right wing?"

"Oh, it's a new kind of weapon: the Potty Bomb."

"The Potty Bomb?"

"Yeah. If you think them Vietnamese are in deep **** now, just you wait."
User avatar #62 - KayRed (02/13/2014) [-]
I got a few, first two are related.

My grandfather fought with the 17th airborne during the Battle of the Bulge. Now, this is all family legend, so I don't know how true it is, but apparently, when he was with the guy guy with the bazooka, trying to take out a tank, a bullet whiz by the left side of his face, got caught in the helmet and went around the interior, and taking his right ear off. Supposedly, there was a ring bulging around the helmet where the bullet traveled.

They sent him to a field hospital to get his ear stichted back on, because of the potential head trauma received and the fact that his hips and knees were ****** up because of close artillery strikes, he was sent back to England to recover.
Now, his brother, Bill, was also in the army, the Army Orchestra to be precise. He was London, doing bond drives and playing for VIP's and such. One day Bill was walking down the street when he causally passes by an American soldier with a bandage around his head. He doesn't think much of it until the soldier turns around and says his name, it was my grandfather. Two brothers from Philly just happened to run into each other across the world.

Now, this is a morbid one. My grandfather's other brother, Jerry, was in the Navy after the war. He was stationed in pearl harbor. There were these two guys there with him who had the privilege of operating a really fast patrol boat, and everyone hated these guys for that reason. One day, these two guys do something and end up wrecking the boat, the bodies washed away. A bunch of guys, including Jerry, were charged with finding the bodies. Jerry and a buddy of his actually found one of the bodies under a peer. As he went to go inspect the body, a crab crawled out of the dead guys mouth. He said that he hasn't eaten crab since that day.

Long story short, there are a bunch of cool stories, bro.
#117 - catburglarpenis ONLINE (02/13/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I got a couple.

Ex-U.S. Navy Military Police here (Master-At-Arms)

Reservist Officer gets on base for his "2 weeks a year" of work and forgets his uniform. We don't know if he did it on purpose to skip out of work or he just didn't want to admit his mistake, but he put in a report that somebody stole his uniform and demanded that we find it. This was a small base and no one would be able to hide this uniform and keep it a secret. We can't just call the officer an idiot, so instead we go full bore- kicking in doors to every room on base and holding mock interrogations while the officer turns white as a ghost. Pretty soon, the commander wanders why we're making such a racket hassling his paperwork bitches and finds the idiot officer in question. Our fw

My 2 drunk friends are wondering around South Korea, and wander near the entrance to a Republic of Korea Navy base. They see 2 sailors sword fighting with their batons at crotch level- pretending that they're dickfighting. They spot my buddies, drop the batons and robotically face forward and stand at attention. My buddies were like "It's too late guys... we saw everything."

We had a giant base defense drill in Korea- we dug up fox holes in the side of the mountain, covered every inch of fence line and set up comms all over base, including 3 FAST response teams including U.S. Marine Recon FAST troops. I was handling dispatch for the entire command, the whole drill with my Security Officer and the Marine Lieutenant standing behind dispatch central, making notes. Drill starts and I almost immediately lose contact with one of my M-60 gunners- now they have "mounted" weaponry. They make a beeline for my fence line and eliminate every foxhole in order- I don't understand how they're doing it (the "terrorists" were both PTSD'd out Navy dudes) They start to come back around to attack command outpost- my dispatch. If I let them take me, they take our comms and armory. They take our base. Continued:
#118 to #117 - catburglarpenis ONLINE (02/13/2014) [-]
The enemy is at my door. I barricade the door, shut dispatch and pile ammo and guns behind the desk, then "load" a shotgun. I kick over an entire desk with equipment and instruct the officers to stay behind me because I'm going to have to defend them with my life and they will use me as their shield. Their fw I'm taking this drill THIS seriously.

The enemy begins pounding at the gates and I prepare for my last stand. *BANG BANG BANG* they pound on my door. They're. Not. Taking. My. Dispatch.

Silence.

Then they come over the radio. Exercise has been terminated. I wonder who terminated the exercise. They come in for the after-action report: One of the Tech guys working in the Secured Space (an Intelligence Specialist, if you speak Navy) hid under our cop car and shot the "terrorists". His comms were down (his walk-talky's batteries went dead) so he had no idea he was in any danger. He went to get a sandwich and spotted a "dead" sailor out of the corner of his eye so he hid under the cop car to finish his sandwich. When he saw the "terrorists" pass by, he poked his head out, aimed his plastic gun, and yelled "bang bang!" It took them a couple minutes just to figure out who shot them.

MFW the day is saved by a computer jockey after "terrorists" blow my entire dug-in perimeter and nearly destroy the base.
#106 - colbraabb (02/13/2014) [+] (1 reply)
#65 - olias (02/13/2014) [-]
Bravo on the frogmen story!
User avatar #29 - Soviet Savior (02/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
my great grandfather was a waist-gunner on a B-17, and they disposed of their latrine 55-gallon drums by taking them up, they would freeze on the way, and they would be thrown out over Germany. He used to say, "We'd imagine some German getting hit with 55 gallons of frozen **** , and that made the flight back to base that much more enjoyable"
User avatar #27 - maldel (02/12/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I never imagined to read 'Funny' and 'War' in the same sentence.
User avatar #10 - ncrr (02/12/2014) [-]
Toilet bomb. That is some explosive **** .
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