Tard Tales: The Firetard
Good evening FJ.
After posting a comment on the Tard Stories post that was floating about, I thought **** it. I have loads of stories of this ************ , and it's high time I got back to posting **** anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you.
Berrylicious' Tales of FireTard
So. there was this one tard at my primary school, I was in year 5, I think. (No idea what that is in Americaspeak). He was pretty cool most of the time. Obsessed with fire engines, firemen, and anything fire-service related. Would often bumble around the playground making siren noises. Completely harmless unless something upset his autist routine.
One time, I was hanging out with some friends on the jungle gym thing, doing monkey bars, climbing n **** . Tardengine comes over and asks if we want to play firemen.
We were pretty chill with him so we say sure, what do we do. Tardman says we have to climb up on random bits of the junge gym and pretend to be people stuck in a house fire, and he would be the fireman and save us.
Sure, whatever, we're like, 8 years old so pretend play is cool.
We climb up and start wailing "help help we're gonna die" etc. Pretty cool, love pretend play. We expect him to take us by the arm and lead us off the gym or something.
But then, no **** , FireTard takes out a box of matches and starts trying to set fire to the ******* playground.
I'm actually panicking at this point (I had an incident where I was burned as a little kid and was **** scared of fire for about a decade) and start shrieking my head off. 5-Gum-Tard is loving it, he thinks it's authentic. Teacher comes running over and flips the **** out.
Cue epic Volcanic-Tard rage.
Wailing, screaming, stamping, flailing fists, the works. When the teacher grabbed him, he tried striking the matches to set the teacher on fire.
We have no Tard wranglers so he's hauled off by this teacher and suspended for a week.
After posting a comment on the Tard Stories post that was floating about, I thought **** it. I have loads of stories of this ************ , and it's high time I got back to posting **** anyway.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you.
Berrylicious' Tales of FireTard
So. there was this one tard at my primary school, I was in year 5, I think. (No idea what that is in Americaspeak). He was pretty cool most of the time. Obsessed with fire engines, firemen, and anything fire-service related. Would often bumble around the playground making siren noises. Completely harmless unless something upset his autist routine.
One time, I was hanging out with some friends on the jungle gym thing, doing monkey bars, climbing n **** . Tardengine comes over and asks if we want to play firemen.
We were pretty chill with him so we say sure, what do we do. Tardman says we have to climb up on random bits of the junge gym and pretend to be people stuck in a house fire, and he would be the fireman and save us.
Sure, whatever, we're like, 8 years old so pretend play is cool.
We climb up and start wailing "help help we're gonna die" etc. Pretty cool, love pretend play. We expect him to take us by the arm and lead us off the gym or something.
But then, no **** , FireTard takes out a box of matches and starts trying to set fire to the ******* playground.
I'm actually panicking at this point (I had an incident where I was burned as a little kid and was **** scared of fire for about a decade) and start shrieking my head off. 5-Gum-Tard is loving it, he thinks it's authentic. Teacher comes running over and flips the **** out.
Cue epic Volcanic-Tard rage.
Wailing, screaming, stamping, flailing fists, the works. When the teacher grabbed him, he tried striking the matches to set the teacher on fire.
We have no Tard wranglers so he's hauled off by this teacher and suspended for a week.
I will be posting more. If you want a mention for upcoming tales, reply to the stickied comment below.
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