tales from a gaybar limes r gey and u r2

evilanakie

limes play an important role in the bar everyone drinks ******* lime vodka lime whiskey limes in beers ******* moscow mules everywhere

cutting limes
hands getting sore
guy comes up asks for a cup of lime juice
*sweating*

cutting limes
its super ******* hot here
position the ice bucket so my back is nice and cold
nights like this are my favorite
all i have to do is **** limes up and clean up the floor at the end of the night

april fools day
stick thin lime slices on the fans in the down room
boss comes in to have a nap
turns on fans
suddenly limes
giggle from the cam room

checking cam room cameras
watching a kid climb onto a ladder to put a slice of lime on the cam lens as to block it
aight
he doesnt know limes arent that sticky
move the cam back and forth a bit remotely
shakes the lime off
kid is just ******** in the middle of the room
noooooo

guy comes up to me panicking
HELP MY FRIEND HAS TAKEN ONE OF THE LIMES
yeah so its ok its limes free from the tree m8
NO I MEAN HE HAS IT IN HIS ASS
not my ******* problem
im out
go home

go into bathroom
toilet clogged with dead lime skins
*******

go to check lime supply
no limes
what do
tell bartender
he shrugs
run my ass to safeway to get more
get back
bartender drove to his place around the corner and just picked a few
at least we got limes

guy comes in
orders a peeled lime
give him lime
leaves with the lime
later that night i heard he was using the lime as a butt stuffer
cry internally
cry externally
cry eternally

boss birthday
he likes limes
make a nice lemon lime meringue pie for him
goes to blow out candle
worker bee pushes him
headbutts the pie
laughs are had
i put half a day of effort into baking this massive ******* pie

100+ if you want more homo or more limes
th

+459

Views:	26439
Favorited:	25
Submitted:	09/23/2015

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+68

#4 - bornintheeighties (09/23/2015) [-]

+38

#8 to #4 - vexigen (09/23/2015) [-]

#43 to #8 - knudni (09/23/2015) [-]

I think that one in front is closely to fall down

+26

#70 - Kirbyman ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

cry internally
cry externally
cry eternally

+39

#6 - evenbiggerfagget (09/23/2015) [-]

found a picture of op

+14

#7 to #6 - evenbiggerfagget (09/23/2015) [-]

Scratch that, found a better one.

#87 to #7 - supahsayin (09/24/2015) [-]

fuk, I scrolled down, literally two comments and its there

#86 to #7 - supahsayin (09/24/2015) [-]

#ThrowbackThursday

+18

#2 - windbound (09/23/2015) [-]

#3 to #2 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

#38 - theflyingbiscuit (09/23/2015) [-]

The **** is with you and limes mate? The gay bar I go to doesn't even have limes.

#92 to #38 - Dakafal (09/24/2015) [-]

You're telling me the bar doesn't have limes at all? That's highly improbable, since limes are on stock at pretty much every ******* bar in the world. Limes go on like 33% of drinks that are ordered, speaking from personal experience.

+15

#39 to #38 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

well your bar is ****

#40 to #39 - theflyingbiscuit (09/23/2015) [-]

In the middle of the southern US. Nothing but old queens and fat guys. I know its **** .

#41 to #40 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

im in the middle of a small ethnic town in aus
limes 4 days

+13

#66 - friedgreenpomatoes ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

shh no tears
only limes now

#1 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

LINKS
/Tales+from+a+gaybar/text/5688477/
/Tales+from+a+gaybar+2+electric+boogaloo/text/5688674/
/Tales+from+a+gaybar+three/text/5689290
/Tales+from+a+gaybar+iv/text/5689632/
/Tales+from+a+gaybar+5+humanity+edition/text/5690287/
/Tales+from+a+gaybar+6/text/5690429/
/Tales+from+a+gay+bar+steven/text/5691280/
/Tales+from+a+gaybar+8/text/5692241/
/Tales+from+a+gay+bar+ **** +bathrooms+edit/text/5692639/

MENTION LIST
bewailedbadger casualtyivvii megakille mokirak ragingcajun theshinypen tsnkami turtlepyro yellowizard draaaaiven liamjamse kytonlord shumdek sonsofsol hypex
noisecontrollers zoroso shuckmywang derpwolf goobyman
ironsoul shiphotel gjtz liquidvoodoo epodax skullington this

#42 to #1 - mrshrapnel ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

Mind adding me mate?

#44 to #1 - comicironic (09/23/2015) [-]

This mention list is way smaller than the last one.

#45 to #44 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

ah ****

#47 to #1 - mgsexplain (09/23/2015) [-]

add me to the list

#48 to #47 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

mgs explain wants homo
oh boy
i remember in one of these comment sections i explained how on a Halloween cosplay party we had i ****** big boss in my kaz cosplay

#49 to #48 - mgsexplain (09/23/2015) [-]

Any bar stories are great, be it gay or straight.

#50 to #49 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

what about mgs PWs little bar
opinions on that
on kaz dropping trow

#51 to #50 - mgsexplain (09/23/2015) [-]

there was a bar in PW?

#52 to #51 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

if you listen to the cassette tapes in MGS TPP of paz from her time at motherbase it recalls a tale of a time she was in the bar being a cunt and kaz is all "NOW THIS IS WHAT A REAL MAN IS" and drops his dacks

#53 to #52 - mgsexplain (09/23/2015) [-]

Oh yeah, I think I remember that.

#54 to #53 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

there is a huge war going on in my MGS community on if big boss has a cut or uncut uh snake
thoughts

#55 to #54 - mgsexplain (09/23/2015) [-]

I mean I'm not sure, Snake seems like the kind of person to come from a christian family so I'd say cut.

People really care about that sort of thing?

#56 to #55 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

i agree, it seems snake would of come from a USA regular home so it would make sense
but there are a lot of people who think he is uncut because of his rebellious personality
as if the state of your dick counts
and also some argue that the infante les french words would be uncut
others say they would of been born with out skins
or dicks at all
i draw mgs porn so i go to a lot of sites that cater to that thing

#57 to #56 - mgsexplain (09/23/2015) [-]

I don't think rebellious personality comes into play when you're a baby getting circumsized

#58 to #57 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

i imagine this little rebel baby rolling about
*snip*
oh boy bible camp
it doesnt happen
also there is a war over was big bosses parents hot

#62 to #1 - birgirpall (09/23/2015) [-]

could you add me ?

#63 to #1 - bluslenderman (09/23/2015) [-]

Add me

#64 to #1 - alapazama (09/23/2015) [-]

add me plox, you didnt add me the first time

#68 to #1 - mypenisismoist (09/23/2015) [-]

Mention pls. You're my favourite thing on fj.

#69 to #1 - landartheconqueror (09/23/2015) [-]

could you add me, plz?

#75 to #1 - highkingtorygg (09/24/2015) [-]

mention pls
limes

#78 to #1 - heartlessrobot (09/24/2015) [-]

Add me plox.

#84 to #1 - ablakguy (09/24/2015) [-]

add me

#88 to #1 - thejudgingmoose (09/24/2015) [-]

Would you mind adding me to the list as well? These are entertaining.

#93 to #1 - jazert (09/24/2015) [-]

Can I get onto the mention list?

#94 to #1 - yorker (09/24/2015) [-]

can you add me to the list bud?

#60 to #1 - homosexualpirate (09/23/2015) [-]

I asked you to add me and you didn't. Add me.

#61 to #1 - shadowblaziard (09/23/2015) [-]

Why am I not on it anymore ?

#9 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

i look forward to these stories every day. though they are making me question my interest in becoming a bartender.

#10 to #9 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

do it

#11 to #10 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

become a bartender or question my interest?

#12 to #11 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

both

#13 to #12 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

sounds like a plan. i hear with my sardonic, and sarcastic personality i'd make a great one. not sure though.

#14 to #13 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

you will
just dont break

#15 to #14 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

probably shouldn't be one at a gay bar though, not with my looks at least.

#16 to #15 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

you would be surprised
as long as you have white straight teeth

#17 to #16 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

i think you overestimate my looks. i think scaring the clientele of a gay bar straight, or just making them outright throw up is a very poor business choice.

#18 to #17 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

pic

#19 to #18 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

no way. there is a good reason i hide behind this face.

#20 to #19 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

PM me a link to yer face
im sure you arent that bad

#21 to #20 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

for both of our sakes i'd rather not.

#22 to #21 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

do it
why not

#23 to #22 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

because i don't like my face.

#33 to #23 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

sadly yeah most of the time
they get a alright low wage
just enough to pay the rent
but if you want to eat and bathe you have to work a little

#34 to #33 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

i already don't make tips at my other job so i guess i'm right screwed. then again nobody seems to think to tip the parking lot attendant

#35 to #34 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

reminder that as a bartender you will be the frontman of the bar
start of as a barback
get to know the bartender
become a duo
its a better job
a tough job
but a better one

#36 to #35 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

well if there's one thing i'm a fair hand at, it's dealing with customers. i work at a concert venue so it kinda goes with the gig i suppose.

#24 to #23 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

just because you dont
also if i see your face
~~ill be able to steal your soul~~
ill be able to roughly judge

#25 to #24 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

hope you haven't eaten in a while...gimme a minute to get a camera set up.

#26 to #25 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

ohboi

#27 to #26 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

now i just have to figure out how to attach it to a PM

#59 to #27 - homosexualpirate (09/23/2015) [-]

Can I see you? I wanna see if you're gay enough.

#65 to #59 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

i'm not gay.

#31 to #27 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

you can be the best bartender in the world and get no tips
or you can put a little effort into looks and serve mediocre drinks
and work your way up to the top

#32 to #31 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

do bartenders have to live off of tips like waiters and bus boys?

#29 to #27 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

get yourself a pair of club master or wayfarer style glasses
get a douchbag haircut along the lines of s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/12/d3/79/12d37932dd1a90d21ac2dd070ab3dc73.jpg and keep it high try masculinize the hairline
tidy up the facial hair
ditch the headphones
smile

#30 to #29 - justanatom (09/23/2015) [-]

while i'm at it i may as well burn the damn thing off like i want to do.

#28 to #27 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

upload to tinypic
copy tiny pic code

#73 - silvanyis (09/23/2015) [-]

Keep it up!
iluvthesepoasts

#99 - fresighto (09/25/2015) [-]

P-put the lime in the butt, you nut, and **** em all up

#67 - backupclover (09/23/2015) [-]

>Safeways

It's Morrison's now you homosexual cuck.

#71 to #67 - postie (09/23/2015) [-]

It could be an old story, and Australia might still have Safeways.

#72 to #71 - backupclover (09/23/2015) [-]

... right...

#85 to #71 - mentlgen (09/24/2015) [-]

**mentlgen used "*roll picture*"**
**mentlgen rolled image**We have safeways in australia?

#97 to #85 - postie (09/24/2015) [-]

I wouldn't know, I'm not Australian.

#46 - symmiie ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

I don't think I've ever seen the word lime so many times in one place. 10/10

#37 - goodguygary (09/23/2015) [-]

**** , i would've been 1000% mad if some asswipe shoved my face into some sweet ass ************* pie.

#5 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/23/2015) [-]

fan art i received a while back for my limes

#98 - fresighto (09/25/2015) [-]

Thanks For The Requested Lime Comp

WHERE IS MY PIC OF YOU FABULOUSLY ******* UP THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT

#91 - Dakafal (09/24/2015) [-]

You get tired from cutting limes? ***** , that is the easiest **** in the world. you just cut both ends off, turn it on it's side, and then cut it into 6ths. That takes like 5 seconds a lime at max. I think it's the funniest **** when servers/bartenders complain about cutting up limes and lemons, when they take like 15 minutes to do something that should take someone like 5 minutes realistically. The restaurant was swamped one time and ran out of lemons so they told me to cut some. The server told me to just cut as many as I could for 10 minutes. In that span of time, I cut enough to last an entire day. Learn how to hold a knife properly and suddenly cutting **** doesn't tire out your hand.