tales from a gaybar 6

evilanakie

you guys are really ******* homo <3
running out of stories slowly tonight at the bar ill have to ask around for more tales

gay bar

one time a epileptic came in and had a seizure
you would think you would avoid nightclubs

we have this one regular who comes in
sucks a dick
gets a shot of whiskey
leaves
every night
god bless

saw a faggot get ripped across the floor by his topknot
i didnt try stop it

new kid bopping around dancing with the mop
flicks the mop
little drop of liquid lands on his cheek
feel ill

never eat nightclub food
i dont need to go into details but
not only will it make you **** from your eyes
but it tastes gross

we have had to stop about 10 people from helicocktering

trying to move on a drunk guy at closing
he is insisting he cant move
we ask why
because if i move the landmine will go off
oh god a tripper
push him over
didnt explode
he was standing on a TV remote

tree trunk thigh boy dancing all over a pole
so ******* hot
god damn sweating over here
cant help but watch this thick boy twirling all over the pole
i need a towel
suddenly while doing a upside down fireman spin
pole just ******* falls over
he breaks his hand
KOs a worker bee
i spend the rest of the night playing doctor patient with this guy

walk into bathroom
guy licking urinal in spandex outfit
leave bathroom

i dont want you to think that this is a normal gay bar
this is a country gay bar, so all the pent up sexual rage
of catholic/christian family men get released here
and melbourne guys who dont want south melboune strands of aids

barber stops in
getting sexy haircut like normal
as he grows out his beard the better his haircuts get
throw him a extra 20$ and he will seduce you while buzzing your hair
the little prickly kisses on the back of your neck
even if you arent gay i sugest you get a haircut like this

leather night
guy just brings his triumph into the bar
the boys flock to it and **** all over it

for a giggle we decide to host a handkercheif night
(where you put various colored handkerchiefs in your back pocket and get **** )
got my handkerchiefs going
mate dont bother with gold lame because it looks yellow in the club light and you
dont want that, maybe you do, just not in my ******* bathroom

partying like always
this guy comes in
even though we have a no deo rule
i wish this hoe would ******* shower
god damn
biker cop please if you ever come to my bar
1 clean your leather
2 even though we like the smell of raw man yeah, shower

dont ever let any of the boys in the white shorts "service" you

guy comes in with a mustard handkerchief
has a 4inch
get the **** out

go to bathroom
see guy dumping poppers into the toilet
drag his ass outside
punch the ******
go inside and clean up the popper trail

go to a sex shop with a hand full of poppers
ask them about what brands they sell
all line up exactly
buy every single popper from the store and ask them not to
restock
they say ok
suddenly no more poppers in the bathrooms

i woke up one morning with my left nipple pierced
that was fun i guess

i saw one guy passed out cuffed to a chain link fence
i cut him down
he recovers
goes off at me that i ruined his fantasy of being a dumpster
not in my bar

50+ for more homo
links in comments
so will mentions

+361

Views:	23259
Favorited:	18
Submitted:	09/20/2015

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#1 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/20/2015) [+] (13 replies)

stickied by evilanakie

LINKS
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+45

#22 - gjtz ONLINE (09/20/2015) [-]

>walk into bathroom
>guy licking urinal in spandex outfit
>leave bathroom

I couldn't do it, man. I've been pissed, puked and bled on, picked up body parts from vehicle accidents, and had to hold people's brains in their head. But **** man, that's nasty.

Keep 'em coming.

+12

#58 to #22 - mondprinzessin (09/21/2015) [-]

Are you a murderer?

+28

#40 - boomboomsha (09/21/2015) [-]

what are poppers
what's with handkerchiefs
do all gay bars are orgies
is triumph motorcycle
whats deo

#41 to #40 - pheonixinstinct ONLINE (09/21/2015) [-]

evilanakie , these questions need answered!

#46 to #40 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/21/2015) [-]

popper is a bottle you smell and get hard
handkerchiefs go in your back pocket to signal what you are into
not all gay bars, there are more than one type from little cafes to megaclubs
yes broom broom
deodorant

#55 to #46 - vorarephilia

(09/21/2015) [-]

so for the handkerchiefs, how accurate is this chart? I got it from a book about homicide investigation, but it is a decade out of date.

#67 to #55 - sirfistalot (09/21/2015) [-]

thats ******* discusting...

#56 to #55 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/21/2015) [-]

close
most bars in my area use www.sacbolt.com/hankycode.html
some bars have different codes

#69 to #56 - friedgreenpomatoes ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-]

...exactly how common is a brown hanky?

Also most gay bars I assume would have dim/non-truecolor lighting how the **** are you supposed to differentiate mustard from yellow

#70 to #69 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/22/2015) [-]

i dont think ive seen a brown hanky at the bar
thank ****
and you see what looks like your color
and you talk to them
its not a lock in contract oh you have yellow get in the van wait thats mustard **** that

#57 to #56 - vorarephilia

(09/21/2015) [-]

Well that's more accurate than I thought. I for some reason didn't think handkerchiefs were used at all and that chart was in error. in a textbook filled with clinical precision and decades of experience from every writer, I presumed that chart to be false on the grounds of "that sounds silly"

Learn something new every day.

#52 to #46 - ohlawditschristmas (09/21/2015) [-]

What is the significance of a mustard handkerchief with a 4 inch dick? or was it just the fact that he had a 4 inch dick?

#53 to #52 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/21/2015) [-]

he was wearing it on the dom side
which basicly flags "i have 8+inches"

#50 to #46 - alapazama (09/21/2015) [-]

why aren't you allowed to use deodorant? that seems counter-productive

#51 to #50 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/21/2015) [-]

ruins the leather
most homos here prefer the smell of a "real man" which is clean showered with fresh sweat from dancing not rotting sweat from say work or being a fatass
also stick 100 homos with various deoderants and stuff in a room
worse than a middle school locker

#39 - evenbiggerfagget (09/21/2015) [-]

>guy just brings his triumph into the bar
they brought a car into the bar?

#47 to #39 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/21/2015) [-]

the motorbike

#49 to #47 - evenbiggerfagget (09/21/2015) [-]

#24 - sonsofsol (09/20/2015) [-]

Dude, write a book. You would make so much money and it would only take a little more effort than posting it for us assholes.

#6 - hypex (09/20/2015) [-]

these are great
and post pics of urself anakie, yeshomo

#7 to #6 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/20/2015) [-]

webcams shat itself
just got out of shower cbf doing hair
drinking again so redface
general uglies

#13 to #7 - hypex (09/20/2015) [-]

your head looks tiny

#14 to #13 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/20/2015) [-]

i know

#5 - amonlavtar ONLINE (09/20/2015) [-]

christ, theese are so fun to read

#26 - penusflytrap (09/20/2015) [-]

No homo I guess? But this is ******* good ****

#63 - yoshibee (09/21/2015) [-]

You're in Melbourne? I'm in Melbourne!

....Never go to gay bars though, for several reasons. Just wanted to point it out.

#64 to #63 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/21/2015) [-]

im not in melbourne
im near melbourne
im going to the GH soon
always fun

#65 to #64 - yoshibee (09/21/2015) [-]

Ahhh, fair enough. Well have a good time~!

#45 - ludly (09/21/2015) [-]

#33 - faroeseguy (09/20/2015) [-]

what the **** is a popper? Viagra?

#35 to #33 - quietspringunicorn ONLINE (09/20/2015) [-]

You sniff it and it relaxes your anal sphincter, to help facilitate your asspounding.

#36 to #35 - faroeseguy (09/20/2015) [-]

jesus christ...

#38 to #36 - anon (09/21/2015) [-]

dont act like you didnt love it last night

#25 - yamyam (09/20/2015) [-]

Electric Six - Gay Bar (UNCENSORED High Quality)

#15 - windbound (09/20/2015) [-]

>walk into bathroom
>guy licking urinal in spandex outfit
>leave bathroom

Jesus that is disgusting. I could taste vomit reading this particular one.

#16 to #15 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/20/2015) [-]

happens a lot sadly

#18 to #16 - windbound (09/20/2015) [-]

What breed of creeps do you have down there! I am kinda glad I've never set a foot in any kind of bar now.

#19 to #18 - evilanakie [OP]ONLINE (09/20/2015) [-]

to be honest we run a bar specifically for this type
most gay bars i go to are just like your regular pub

#20 to #19 - windbound (09/20/2015) [-]

I'm glad to hear that, still I don't think I'll ever visit your workplace
Props to you for putting up with all of it though

#8 - goobyman (09/20/2015) [-]

guy comes in with a mustard handkerchief
has a 4inch
get the **** out
according to the link you posted on the last tFAG (5) www.sacbolt.com/hankycode.html
doesn't it depend where he wears it?