TV. . I we at commercial an it said,' Nyrgel everything you new atat slipcovers. did. " it was a lead nit my mind. Then the to sell me slipcovers and I didn' t
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TV

I we at commercial an it said,' Nyrgel everything you
new atat slipcovers. did. " it was a lead nit my
mind.
Then the to sell me slipcovers and I didn' t
new what the hell they were
...
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User avatar #3 - althalus (10/11/2013) [+] (3 replies)
My favourite joke of his "They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that."
#4 - anonymous (10/11/2013) [+] (4 replies)
Whats a slipcover?
User avatar #6 to #4 - demigodofmadness (10/11/2013) [-]
Exactly
User avatar #11 - annand (10/11/2013) [+] (1 reply)
I thought this man was Billy Ray Cyrus for a good 5 minutes... I am not a smart person
#17 to #11 - docvolto (10/11/2013) [-]
He doesn't look nearly disappointed enough to be Billy Ray.
User avatar #1 - ihatem (10/11/2013) [-]
"Dogs are forever in the pushup position" -Mitch Hedberg
User avatar #15 - AWalrusFirst (10/11/2013) [-]
"On a traffic light, red means stop, yellow means slow down, and green means go. However, on a banana, it is exactly the opposite. Green means, 'woah hold up a second', yellow means go ahead, and red means 'where did you get that banana'". -Mitch Headberg RIP
User avatar #14 - jrondeau **User deleted account** (10/11/2013) [-]
"A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer."
#25 - ABNREACH (10/11/2013) [-]
"My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them" Rip Mr. Hedberg. I salute you.
"My fake plants died because I didn't pretend to water them" Rip Mr. Hedberg. I salute you.
User avatar #23 - hopetheworm (10/11/2013) [-]
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
#24 - richhtwo (10/11/2013) [-]
"the depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get I'll never be as good as a wall"
#27 - cloooud (10/11/2013) [+] (7 replies)
Is this Miley Cyrus' dad?   
im half asleep so i thought it was jennifer anniston
Is this Miley Cyrus' dad?
im half asleep so i thought it was jennifer anniston
User avatar #33 to #27 - weinerdick (10/11/2013) [-]
Mitch Hedberg, look him up and laugh and then be sad because he's dead now
User avatar #2 - lacklusterpelican (10/11/2013) [+] (9 replies)
Sad he died, happy he died the way he wanted
#18 - rabidaardvark ONLINE (10/11/2013) [-]
'Imagine if you saw a Forklift lifting a crate of forks. It would be some damn literal'
#39 - crazymannequin (10/11/2013) [-]
"I was at a casino I was standing by the door and a security guard came over and said 'you're going to have to move you're blocking a fire exit' like so if there was a fire I wasn't going to run. If you're flammable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit"
#22 - ReptaurLOLL (10/11/2013) [-]
6 Lemons
6 limes
1/2 litre soda water
1/2 cup white sugar

Not much apparently.
User avatar #38 - stormtrooperbob (10/11/2013) [-]
I used to like Mitch Headberg, i still do, but i used to, too
User avatar #19 - jackmanagan (10/11/2013) [-]
Filed it under D...for doughnut.
User avatar #46 - MRfunnyFACE (10/12/2013) [-]
"at 3 of the morning I saw a dry cleaners with a sign that says "sorry we are closed." I was like dude you don't need to apologize to me, its 3 of the morning! it would be weird if you guys were open."
User avatar #40 - Lintutu (10/12/2013) [-]
I love this guy's comedy style. The "on-the-spot' observation
#21 - decoyoctopus (10/11/2013) [+] (1 reply)
Mitch Hedberg, he was a drug enthusiast, he was a drug connoisseur...    
Drugs killed him, yes, but they didn't ruin his life   
by any stretch, he really enjoyed them, he was good at it. He wasn't    
someone who faltered at it. He didn't wake up and go "oh 						****					, I should    
really work on myself" or "I need to rethink this"... that guy 						*******					    
loved being on drugs the entire time he was alive! Well, maybe not right    
up until that very last minute, where he was like *hnnnnnnnnng*...   
That might of not been as much fun, but still...    
And now, his family have set up a Mitch Hedberg    
charity? its the "Mitch Hedberg Golf Tournament" to go to support a    
rehabilitation facility... I mean, they took everything he was about,    
and turned it on it's ass. He hated sports... he loved drugs!    
and you have a 						*******					 charity sponsoring it?. it's like how if the guy that    
died on the Luge in the Olympics, had his whole family come out and have    
like a...    
Charity pie eating contest to keep kids outta sports...    
yeah, lets just stay on the couch, and get fat kids...    
   
It was literally for everything he was against, for everything he loved.    
and they did that i guess, because it would have been too tasteless to have    
a charity event where you get to actually, for a buck a shovel, literally    
dig up his grave, and turn him upside down... and then bury it back?
Mitch Hedberg, he was a drug enthusiast, he was a drug connoisseur...
Drugs killed him, yes, but they didn't ruin his life
by any stretch, he really enjoyed them, he was good at it. He wasn't
someone who faltered at it. He didn't wake up and go "oh **** , I should
really work on myself" or "I need to rethink this"... that guy *******
loved being on drugs the entire time he was alive! Well, maybe not right
up until that very last minute, where he was like *hnnnnnnnnng*...
That might of not been as much fun, but still...
And now, his family have set up a Mitch Hedberg
charity? its the "Mitch Hedberg Golf Tournament" to go to support a
rehabilitation facility... I mean, they took everything he was about,
and turned it on it's ass. He hated sports... he loved drugs!
and you have a ******* charity sponsoring it?. it's like how if the guy that
died on the Luge in the Olympics, had his whole family come out and have
like a...
Charity pie eating contest to keep kids outta sports...
yeah, lets just stay on the couch, and get fat kids...

It was literally for everything he was against, for everything he loved.
and they did that i guess, because it would have been too tasteless to have
a charity event where you get to actually, for a buck a shovel, literally
dig up his grave, and turn him upside down... and then bury it back?
#9 - anonymous (10/11/2013) [-]
"An escalator can't be broken; it can only become stairs. 'Escalator temporarily out of order'. It should be 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience'."
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