I'm a 17 year old and I'm going to be a Senior in high school in a month, pursuing in digital/character animation in the colleges I'm applying to.
This may be really dumb but screw it, I need help and a way to vent...
This might be long, but I just want to give out as much context as I can to help with understanding the situation.
You can skip since its sorta venting, but to those who do read it, thank you so much for your patience.
There's a 16 year old boy (gonna be 17 in August) that I met in my junior Spanish class. I've been friends with him for 9 months, our friendship been growing ever since.
He's a charming and a very smart boy. He has fluffy, dirty blonde hair, wears thick glasses, and is a little pudgy around the middle. He always sounds monotone and neutral about everything. I quote: "Chinese food is delicious, I guess." He's gifted, very good at piano, excels in math, and is quick at logic thinking. He is also most likely a little autistic because of his social awkwardness to new people and he also walks funny. I've learnt that inside he is sensative, insecure, and is actually sweeter than he makes himself out to be.
As you've probably already guessed, I have a huge crush on him, ever since December. also believe when I say I thought he was older, I started growing feelings before I found out he was a year younger than me just because of how mature and quiet he was It started off as a cute little bunch of feelings but then it only grew... I give him space, like I'll only text him once in awhile. I try not to appear clingy so we're on good terms. Though because of my autistic self esteem and his monotoness it's hard to tell if he likes me or not sometimes. I adore him so much, we have so much in common, share some of the same voices and we get along very swell. He enjoys my art and I enjoy his music. Pic related, it's a drawing I made back in January that replicates one of his funniest moments.
But Im lost right now. I doubt any of you recall because it was a comment I made on a gypsydude trash post once, provided with an image of Hitchcock pulling a noose out of the solutions box but I've already mentioned before that I tried to confess to him but he was only quiet and shocked. Like as if no one had ever confessed to him in his life. He did smile when I complimented him and nodded maturely as i talked. But it was awkward.. He didn't say yes or no. And when I asked later if he needed to think about it he said "Yeah, I probably do."
That was back in May, and we haven't brought it up since because i dont want to make things awkward or demanding, nor have I left, but it's like as if we are aware of that. I've been hanging out with him more than ever since strangely enough. He and his brother, (he has a Faternal twin brother so they're inseparable, but I don't mind because he's cool too.) have eaten dinners with me, we've gone hiking, swimming, bowling and he alone and I ate dinner at my parent's restaurant. Everyone tells me that that was a date, it could be... but I don't truly know. A part of me is waiting for him to say something or the perfect moment to specify that we're finally together, but at the same time it feels like I'm prolonging that moment that confirms all... because I fear rejection more than anything. I've already dated someone before online. It wass an unintentional love too, but that relationship destroyed me in the end... I sometimes wish I hadn't met him in the first place because I'm tried of feeling my heart ache but my dumbass feelings get the better of me and now I'm in love...
What should I do FJ? People say I need to talk to him again but I just don't know... Since there are many wholesome men on this sight, I figured it was worth a shot asking you guys.