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User avatar #532 - hopkinator (11/18/2013) [-]
this post hit me hard. ive had consistant thoughts of suicide for a few years now and im 19. i remember the night i told myself if i reach 25 without having a relationship that lasts more than 6 months, im od'ing. its sad to admit but i feel alone all the time. the only thing i want in life is a family but every day spent alone i feel myself dying. its that feeling of a weight just sunk in your heart, and i feel it more often than id like to say. i have friends but they only hang out when weed is involved. my last gf was in freshman year, and she sat their and asked me to kiss her, while i held her in my arms at a park mid december. i made some excuse not to because i was afraid id **** it up. the very next day i was alone again and the rest of my hs experiance was me never trying again, rarely talking and managing a 1.5 gpa that will **** me over. im not bad looking i just gave up and its a battle of will, which left me before even 4th grade when i was held down in the dirt and ran over with a bike while my "friends" watched and continued their bball game. the only reason i havent offed myself is that it would devestate my parents. and so i sit here, depressed and regretting that one day in december, as if it matters anymore.
User avatar #649 to #532 - subejio (11/18/2013) [-]
Pardon the impending wall of text.

I think I can understand how you feel. Between depression running strongly in my family and being outed as a gay man in front of nearly my entire school (I was a sophomore in a small, conservative Texas town), I've thought a lot about ending my life. I tried a few times.

I wish I could reassure you that it'll be alright. I wish I could promise you that boundless success is yet to come. I can't. The world's a dick like that. All I can say is that it WILL get better. So long as you don't stagnate, so long as you keep moving forward, I think you'll find that the world seems brighter and the smiles get more genuine as you go.

It sounds like you're already getting your social life in order, and picking better people to spend your time with, which is fantastic. You're on your way, man! You're already making strides, and are ahead of a LOT of people who haven't learned that yet!

You say you like writing music? Then keep doing it! Find your band, kick some lyrical ass, and even if success doesn't come, you're damn well going to enjoy yourself!

You're afraid of not meeting a good woman? Then MAKE it happen. Good things can occasionally fall into your lap, but far more common are the good things that happen because we say, "You know what? **** it, I'm going for it." I mean, lets be honest here: What's the worst that can happen? She says no? In that case, accept it and you both can move on. It's her loss. If she reacts really negatively? You just dodged a bullet, my friend. Be glad. (Disclaimer: I'm speaking from my experience looking for other gay men. I don't think there's really that much difference, since people are people, but **** if I know.)

TL;DR: I believe in you. You go, you magnificent bastard, and don't you dare give up!
User avatar #666 to #649 - hopkinator (11/18/2013) [-]
this post genuinly made my day, thanks man. oh and if you wanna see a recent video of my music, try to find "solo for new song" by metallideth94 on youtube. have a good day mah ***** !
User avatar #569 to #532 - Sethorein (11/18/2013) [-]
... what do you like?
User avatar #594 to #569 - hopkinator (11/18/2013) [-]
i like writing music. im very good at it.
User avatar #600 to #594 - Sethorein (11/18/2013) [-]
then write music.
User avatar #627 to #600 - hopkinator (11/18/2013) [-]
i do everyday. i have a bassist that im jammin with so all i need is a drummer, 2nd guitarist, and singer. all with ambition, but thats the catch.
User avatar #630 to #627 - Sethorein (11/18/2013) [-]
Look at what a nice plan you've got. Get a moderately successful band and the women will come.

Work hard and good things will come. But don't plan on those good things. Just focus on your work.
User avatar #566 to #532 - krobeles ONLINE (11/18/2013) [-]
So you're saying if you dont get laid by 25 you're offing yourself?
My, you dont sound like a stupid ******* idiot, at all...
User avatar #596 to #566 - hopkinator (11/18/2013) [-]
you missed the point. thats not it at all.
#546 to #532 - urbemarmis (11/18/2013) [-]
dont stress about girls dude. thats the main thing i have learned. another thing is to stop caring. i dont mean you gotta be one of those "too cool to care" ******* , but i mean you need to stop caring about what others think. i speak my mind a lot and ive made a few enemies along the way but it doesnt matter to me. im polite to everyone right off the bat though so i am also respected by many people. of these people that we have a mutual respect for theres some of them that ive connected with enough to call friends. thats essentially how making friends works lol. be yourself and some people will respect you and with some people friendships will bloom from respect and then youll get girls you were already friends with because of that respect they have for you that came from just being yourself. and for those people that dpnt like you? pay them no mind. just remember that your agendas thoughts and beliefs are different, and you dont have time to be focusing on making them act think or be like you, and that all the time and energy you have has to be put to living your own life. suicide is not the answer man. and dude you can go to community college for 2 years after your first semester in college your grades become your new transcript, and also a friend of mine got into a 4 year school with a 1.5. also: you never know what tomorrow holds. you could meet that girl you could win the lottery. and for the whole bike thing i have some things that have left me scarred that im going to therapy for. you should look into it. remember suicide is not the answer and it is selfish. you arent a selfish person though clearly if you want to die, but youre staying alive for someone else. make your parents the reason to turn your life into something you want it to be. hope you feel better soon dude
User avatar #591 to #546 - hopkinator (11/18/2013) [-]
thank you for reading. i feel the need to stress over girls because i want a family, because the possibility of dying alone without a line scares me. i too treat new ppl with kindness but that usually leads to me being taken advantage of or jumped once they realize that im passive. (that happened once, i was with a friend in the woods with his friends. the whole night they were jumping on me bc im very tall and look intimidating and thats just how human nature is...anyways i smoked these ppl out and later they jumped on me again when i was turned around but this time the punched me in the face and broke a molar in half. everyone ran and i sat their in the dark trying to find the glasses that were punched off me. i should have called the cops bc they would have been caught but i couldnt let my parents know that yet again their son was attacked and left alone bleeding). what the **** .
#601 to #591 - urbemarmis (11/18/2013) [-]
martial arts lessons is what you need. i wouldnt suggest karate because 90% of the karate dojos teach the sport version of the art which is pussified, for lack of better term, so that people can show correct form but not actually do damage to another person which is why the art was created. if you would be interested in fighting out of a gym or, you like a more sport type art id suggest boxing, muay thai, and then some catch wrestling or brazilian jiu jitsu, but jitz is really only good for taking on one person at a time. if you really wanna learn how to **** people up you might wanna look for a school that teaches something called krav maga. if you havent heard of it its a martial art that was invented by a jewish man trying to defend himself from the nazis in ww2, and its used by the israeli defense force. its essentially all about ******* someone up in as little time as possible lol
User avatar #611 to #601 - hopkinator (11/18/2013) [-]
truth, but that was a 2 years back and was the last time i was jumped. i dont chill with shiesty ****** anymore anyways. since im out of school i dont know why id need all that. im away from all those ***** .
#616 to #611 - urbemarmis (11/18/2013) [-]
true, its still good to know though. im away from a lot of people that id be ********** of if we were alone in the woods, but i still do it because i enjoy it but also because i might need it one day. at the bar, or a party or just walking down the street and someone gets in your face and you cant just run or talk your way out if it
User avatar #544 to #532 - klokwork (11/18/2013) [-]
I can't understand how you feel. But i just want you to know that i read this. No gay **** . Its just stupid how everyone's demons get overlooked when they're all together in one place.
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