So I am thinking about ending it

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So I am thinking about ending it. Hi guys, long time funnyjunker here and this community means a lot to me. DEPRESSION and severe Anxiety made me recently drop

Hi guys, long time funnyjunker here and this community means a lot to me.
DEPRESSION and severe Anxiety made me recently drop out of college(studying abroad) at 24, move back in with my parents in a dead-end city (also Eastern Europe ) there are more bits to the story but I had found this wonderful girls whom I truly fell in love with and now she broke up with me over the fact that there are SMALLS things about which we don't agree (i would prefer to live in a house, she would in an apartment but I never said that It's either my way or the highway).
Anyway, no job,. living with my elderly parents, no education, lost the love of my life, no future. I am going to kill myself.
I have 30 pills of MIdazolam, 30 bars of Xanax and a bottle of Vodka. Fingers crossed.

Tags: fuck lfe

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Views:	1833
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Submitted:	11/18/2015

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#5 - doktormane [OP](11/18/2015) [-]

i took 10 midazolam and a couple of bars of xanax. I am too much of a coward to take them all at once.... another thing i;m ashamed about. i feel so lost

#24 to #5 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

Take it from someone who's tried suicide enough times that they've lost count: you should be glad you can't do it. Killing yourself doesn't help you feel better - or worse, technically - but it hurts others.

Your family

Your friends

Your co-workers

Basically every person you interacted with regularly

A future spouse you may have

Children

They are the ones that would be hurt by your suicide, not you. And if you feel like you want to die already, think of how horrible of a person you would have to be to ruin the lives of everyone who has cared about you. Having the instinctual will to live - even if you don't want to - is far better than taking an unretrievable future away from those you love.

#20 to #5 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

see the outpouring of support? go throw up

#9 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

> 24 year old
> "no future"

dude you're no 40 year old

#11 to #9 - doktormane [OP](11/18/2015) [-]

i know the way it sounds but seeing your highschool buddies all finishing grad school and getting neat-o jobs makes me feel like such a loser.

#22 to #11 - braggaboom (11/18/2015) [-]

To put things in prespective, i'm actually the same age as you.

I went to college for 4 YEARS and never ended up getting into my field for various reasons.

Yes I was depressed for a long time, yes I considered suicide at times. I spent a good 6 months as a depressed sack of **** , and had no job for a long time. bills were piling up and my parents were afraid we'd lose the house and everything. Then by chance my uncle found out I needed a job and set me up with an interview at a grocery store.

If you remember my post from before, I have extreme anxiety, to expand on that here:
I get so nervous to the point where I would get ridiculous stomach pains and at one point even lost hair due to the stress of being so anxious all the time.

Despite that, I still ended up working through my problems by just thrusting myself into trying for the job with reckless abandon, basically to see what stuck. I ended up getting the job and have been working there for over 6 months now. I'm almost 280 pounds, borderline diabetic, and have the ugliest mug ever.

If some ugly fat **** like me hasn't given up, then someone who has looks good enough to attract someone like you sure as hell shouldn't give up.

Yes its not a great job, yes the pay can be crap. but you know what? I've gotten plenty of friends out of working there, I've been able to save up some money here and there, bought things every once in a while that I enjoy. And i'm hoping to eventually get a better job.

Like anything worth doing, it takes time. And despite what some may think, you get what you give. if you put in the time and effort to make your life better, you surely will improve your life.

#19 to #11 - braggaboom (11/18/2015) [-]

Because you can't base others success on where YOU should be.

Think of it like this, everyone has their own race to win. some get lucky enough to be driving a sports car, and others have to settle for standard, and hell if you're me you have to settle for a ******* gremlin.(horrible car btw)

Ultimately you all will get to that to the end of the track that you want to get to at your own pace. You can't spend your life trying to follow someone else's pace. you either get to impatient because your going to slow, or you burn out because you go to fast.

Just go at your own speed, make improvements when you can.

You can do it lil ***** , I have faith in you.

#23 to #11 - angrybacteria (11/18/2015) [-]

There will always be people in your life who you see are doing better. The people who are doing really bad are just flying under your radar. You still have time to do something amazing and make a new life. It's terrible that you lost the love of your life but she not worth dying for.

I don't want to sound like I'm spouting stupid "buck up and get back out there" rhetoric but seriously man. Don't.

There is more to live for. You can make it.

#15 to #11 - alfrsa (11/18/2015) [-]

Dude, hang in there. This July a high school friend married, the first among all my friends. From my class of ~25 students about 15 studied abroad and have good paying jobs. Damn right I'm jealous, being stuck in my own mediocre and limited country without being able to find a job while I finish degree, but while I am in this position now I can get out of it someday. You can too, if you keep giving yourself a chance. I think of it as a video game where I'm not allowed saves or loads - I'll do my best, and if I don't succeed, well, **** it. Try thinking about it along those lines somewhat. By killing yourself you have nothing to win and so much to lose...

#8 - Sperit (11/18/2015) [-]

Pls Don't

#3 - emperorwatergate (11/18/2015) [-]

**** that bitch.

If she's breaking up with you over A ******* APARTMENT, she is not a woman you can spend the rest of your life with.

Don't kill yourself.

Talk to a Therapist or something.

#6 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

hey, so we all got to that brazilian guy too late before he pepsied.
don't pepsi.
don't.
no.
stop it.
trust me when i say no woman on this planet is worth it, and i've been there too. you've got to be strong enough to wait this out.

#7 to #6 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

also, if you're reading this, go vomit right now

#13 to #6 - alfrsa (11/18/2015) [-]

What brazilian guy? What happened?

#16 to #13 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

/I+m+probably+pepsi/text/5743662/

#17 to #16 - alfrsa (11/18/2015) [-]

**** , I hope he vomited...

#4 - Gerex (11/18/2015) [-]

Hang in there. It sounds like things can only get better.

#1 - alfrsa (11/18/2015) [-]

Don't do it. There are other ways to go about life. Please don't kill yourself.

#36 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

I'm sorry you're having a rough time brother. I've been feeling depressed since I moved to South Dakota for school, and I just found out my girlfriend cheated on me. I want to tell you not to do it but I'm honestly not that convinced life is worth living myself. I hope you find what you're looking for, whether it's death or a reason to live. I'll be rooting for you man.

#18 - braggaboom (11/18/2015) [-]

I dealt and continue to deal with both the problems you mentioned in the beginning of your post. I won't say I know whats its like because obviously we are different people but I at least know where your coming from.

I know things may seem like they are at their worse and that there's no way to get back the happiness that you had.

But trust me, there is always a chance to change things for the better. There's ALWAYS a future for you as long as you continue to work toward making your life better for yourself.

But if you end yourself and give up, then there is no future.

The only one stopping you from making your life better again is you. Please don't give up, there are still plenty of opportunities in life for you to bounce back.

#12 - stankebottoms (11/18/2015) [-]

One of the more tragic facts about suicide that has always gotten to me is the fact that people do not consider it or try it when they are at their worst: the thought occurs when you are beginning to feel better.
I know, it sounds counterintuitive, but if you consider that people when most depressed have no motivation to do anything, when they begin to move beyond it, and have a small amount of motivation, they recognize they feel bad and try to change things (but just not for the positive).

If you can get past this part, things will get better. But you need to get past this part.

Get rid of the pills. Go and talk to someone.

#10 - itsgnar (11/18/2015) [-]

Listen, I'm not the best guy to talk to somebody out of a bad time.

And you're probably heard this cheesy phrase countless of times, but...

"Suicide isn't the answer." yadda yadda just don't do it.

In fact, I see it more like a problem here. It's pretty much giving up entirely on anything, and I can't see that being a good thing in any way.

You're on a computer. You could always look for online courses or teach yourself something you could make money out of. Programming maybe? Many people teach themselves how to code and manage to make a good sum of money out of it. Even if it's something more basic that that, you can always start from the bottom.

Get over the girl. I know it hurts and it's probably terrible if you love her so much and I know it will most likely feel like it's easier said than dome but life goes on, unless you were to do some **** like this.

Depression and anxiety do sound like a pair of bitches to be dealing with. Take a walk every one in a while and try and make some friends and talk to the regularly even if it's within FJ, anything helps, get involved. Again, easier said than done but if you've got the strength to think you can just end your life you surely have got the strength to pull yourself out of that thought as well.

Well that's basically all I have to say, the rest would be motivational stuff and I'm really not big with that.

Good luck and all. Know a random dude across the screen wants you to live; you could always start by there.

#42 - anon (11/19/2015) [-]

Kiddo, let me tell you one simple thing: I had my ups and downs (mostly downs) and I was emotionally torn apart when I was a teenager and young adult. Either girls didn't want anything to do with me, people ridiculed me or my plans went to **** and so on. But life constantly changes. Like all the time. And let me tell you: looking back at things like: girls that I dreamt about and couldn't imagine a life without them, or friends that just abandoned me, plans that didn't work out if I had the chanceto go back and change any of those things with 100% guarantee of success: I WOULDN'T. Hell no. I changed: in some matters I matured, in some others my preferences changed and in some cases I only now know what really matters and what's valuable. To tell it differently: would I change anything in my past if I had the chance? hell yes. of course. As any human. BUT: would I change it according to what I wanted back then? NO WAY. I don't want any of those things anymore. So even if you think that there is nothing valuable except what you wish for today, what you think is good today you probably just didn't live long enough to notice that there are other things that are valuable. Even if you think that your life does not matter and is worthless if you can't archieve goals that you set for you today does not matter that there are a ******* of other, equally valuable and good goals and things waiting for you in life.

JUST ******* TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN LIFE. You might like it.

#41 - anon (11/19/2015) [-]

1. Suffer depression that keeps coming back - check
2. Have anxiety and 0 real friends - check
3. Live in eastern europe - check
4. Be poor as **** (even by **** europe standards)- check
5. Live in paretns house - half check - same building, different apartment
6. Failing at everything constantly - half check - while I personally don;t fail, someone keeps screwing me ofer: clients don't apy me, because of them I'm in huge debt, **** comes down on me constantly evertime everything seems to be getting better boss dies without paying or guy that I used to work with running away witout payng and with some of my equipment.
7. Deciding to have a kid with my partner while everything seemed to be getting better - check
8. Everything got worse again - check
9. Don't have money to raise a kid - check
10. Be constantly humiliated by "family charity" - check
11. Secretly cry every night because I'm afraid that my kid will end up having **** life purely because of me - check
12. be ashamed of how **** father I am evven though I give my best - check.
13. No reasonable way out of all of this - check

And even though I survive. I want to live, I want to be a good father and I hope that if i try even harder I will succeed. But I'm leaving eastern europe for starters. This place just reeks of poverty everywhere you look, there's no middle class, either people are poor as **** or rich, it rains all the time and it's cold and muddy all the time.

See, even in the ******** of circumstances I have something to look up to, some hope, some plan. It might go to **** but where's the harm in trying? If you plan to die anyway try to travel somewhere else in searh of a new start first. Who knows, maybe you are just in the wrong place. What's the harm in trying first? If you don;t see the future for yourself here at least try to change the "here".

#40 - judothrow (11/19/2015) [-]

**judothrow used "*roll picture*"**
**judothrow rolled image**
I've been there man, it's not worth giving up, I wish I was better at explaining this or using my words, but there's no point in giving up. Life is too precious and were given short a time.

#39 - lankycraig (11/18/2015) [-]

if you dont care about your life. join the army man be a part of a team

#38 - anon (11/18/2015) [-]

do it puss

#37 - suprconfederateman (11/18/2015) [-]

Hey man I know it might seem really ****** now I've been there me than I'm happy about. But you gotta remember it gets better, it really does man. I was were you are right now no more than a month ago but I outraged through it because there are a million things you have to offer this world. And you have to think **** your friend and family man, how will this impact your parents or siblings if you have any. Please man dint do it you're better than that.

#34 - alloutofusernames (11/18/2015) [-]

Hey man, its not worth it. Trust me when i say i know that feeling of losing the girl you love. But its not worth your life man... It never is.. you just gotta use taht pain to ignite yourself and try to accomplish everything you want.. just please dont kill yourself man.. stay strogn