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The first roller rolled my favorite story with a double zero. (Thank you nuclearkitteh )
So, at this point we are seventeen years old. Something I neglected to mention earlier is that I am a major theater geek I played the lead in pretty much every play we did and even ended up quitting Football for theater. I never was too good at Football anyway but my social standing did take a hit. To set the tone for this story I'll tell you a bit about the town this took place in. It's called Merkel, TX and I went to high school there. It's a really podunk redneck community where the coaches commonly sleep with the students and the entire place smells like bad oral hygiene and despair.
We are going to our first big theater event which is in San Antonio and everyone is ******* ecstatic. On top of all of it, we're able to get cheap tickets and go to Sea World. After begging and pleading with my broke ass parents, I get the $15 necessary to go. At this point, Patient Zero has become a full-blown femi-nazi. She found one of the early groups on Myspace and ran with it like no other. She has dyed her hair this weird faded blue that looks like she used kool aid and was attempting the typical scene kid haircut though on her it looked like a reverse mullet. By this point, she's also pushing roughly 270 pounds which doesn't sound like THAT much til you realize she's 5'3" with the shoes on. We get completely destroyed at the theater tournament. My leading lady got stage fright in front of the huge audience and stumbled over everything. It was rough but ultimately, who cares? Sea World!
So, we arrive at Sea World and we all go change out of our normal day to day gear. A couple friends and I have started walking away when we hear a scream of absolute terror. We turn around to see Patient Zero come out topless in a pair of swim trunks. When approached by our teacher, she said, "You can't discriminate against me for being a female. We're all human and we can all let our bodies hang free." Remember, this is a mostly naked 16 year old who by this point has actually shouted rape at four people and gotten one of them teporarily in serious trouble so no one wanted to touch her but we were all absolutely disgusted and yelling at her to put some clothes on. This was the first time that I heard someone refer to themself as a special snowflake. "I'm no less beautiful than you. I'm a special snowflake just like you."
We tried to enclose her so she'd be forced back into the dressing room but she straight up charged our theater teacher and he dodged out of the way. she then went into one of the pools there. There were tons of shouts about Shamu being in the civilian pools. She literally evacuated a whole pool telling anyone who didn't like it to look at the patriarchy they'd created.
Eventually, she got out, I was nearby in a line to ride the Steel Eel (Hurrhurr, penis innuendo and was just in ear shot to see what happened. A concerned parent was approaching her as she was drying, the cops had already been called and were on their way but he wasn't taking this **** any more. He took two paper plates that he'd gotten from somewhere and an adhesive (I'm guessing tape or maybe they stuck from the water) and just covered her boobs.
Of course, instinctively, she shouts that she's being raped by this old pedophile but at that point, the fact that her nipples were poking out around two mid sized plates earned her the name, "Saucer nips." This is a name that would stick through high school and will be the name I refer to her as from now on. By this point, I realized this was better than the roller coaster and went to watch. She was escorted by two female police to the dressing room and then actually got taken away in handcuffs, yelling about how this wouldn't happen in Japan. Our schoolbus driver actually had to locate a pay phone and call her parents and have them wire money to bail her out. She never got in any real trouble sadly, her parents paid a $600 fine and she got some menial amount of community service all of which she sat around at the local old folks home to serve out telling them about how it was their generation's fault.
That's how we ended up 4 hours late, getting home at 3 AM from a school trip with some epic stories to tell.
Browsing motherless.com (****) later on for scientific reasons, I actually saw two pictures that someone had posted of her from that day and threw up.
I'm typing up 9 other stories about her in the later years and I will choose which one gets released by who rolls dubs first in the thread.
11-Romeo and Ju-lard-ette
22-The Virginity Tale
66-Temple of the lost Condom
88-Chick Fil A Day
99-"Gays are only gay because they haven't met me yet."