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+565
User avatar #3 - yudodat ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
I've been stung twice in my life, and all of them were from women I thought I loved.
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+7
User avatar #22 to #3 - dannybails (10/12/2015) [-]
first thing on here today to make me actually laugh.
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+7
User avatar #33 to #3 - smokeyrp (10/12/2015) [-]
Reminds me of a part of "last chance to see" By Douglas Adams. "Is there anything poisonous you do like?" We asked. "I did." He said. "But she left me."
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+7
#59 to #3 - anon (10/12/2015) [-]
I'm imagining this line coming from a PI sitting with his feet up on his desk and a cigarette hanging from his mouth like out of some Film Noir.
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+8
User avatar #10 to #3 - evilanakie (10/12/2015) [-]
bad day
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+41
#14 to #3 - clechyl (10/12/2015) [-]
please not that feel
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0
User avatar #82 to #3 - dalokan (10/13/2015) [-]
Go to sleep drake
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+5
User avatar #28 to #3 - whiteoverblue (10/12/2015) [-]
You should've stung back, brohb! My favourite sting-back quotes are:

1-"Well, I'm glad to know I made it into your sane-ex-boyfriends scorecard. who am I? the 43rd?"

2-"Good! I was worried I would've caught AIDS if this went on any longer... by the way, be a good person and tell Dmitryurnuvoi frendyucheatedmeewith about it."

3-"I'm sorry! I'm just NOT your daddy."

4-"Wow, you actually thought you were doing me a favor, when I was actually taking one for the team!"

and my top favourite one:

5-"Don't worry, babe. Nothing of value was lost. Easy come, easy go."
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0
#73 to #28 - razaron (10/13/2015) [-]
Do the fandango
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+24
User avatar #18 to #3 - aznzeus (10/12/2015) [-]
Bruh
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+12
#40 to #3 - dasbrot (10/12/2015) [-]
bruh don't.
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+57
#8 to #3 - Airmanator (10/12/2015) [-]
You doing okay, man?
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+31
User avatar #5 to #3 - homosexualpirate (10/12/2015) [-]
You wanna talk bud?
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0
#54 to #29 - anon (10/12/2015) [-]
First thing that came my mind too
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+2
User avatar #71 to #3 - tostito (10/13/2015) [-]
same here, now im sad.
thanks buddy
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+2
User avatar #67 to #3 - dungledoo (10/12/2015) [-]
u wansom boobs?
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+4
#68 to #67 - dungledoo (10/12/2015) [-]
here have some boobs
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+1
User avatar #74 to #3 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
ok wasn't expecting that
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0
User avatar #60 to #3 - gruntmastr (10/12/2015) [-]
Bon Jovi - You give love a bad name HQ Well tell those people that
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+8
User avatar #23 to #3 - platinumaltaria (10/12/2015) [-]
Oh is that what we're gonna do, yododat? We're gonna feel these real feels?
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0
User avatar #56 to #23 - tarabostes ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
yeah , now lemme feel dem tiddies already
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+84
#17 to #3 - anon (10/12/2015) [-]
You should probably stop dating bees.
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+86
#2 - anon (10/12/2015) [-]
I have been stung 4 times in my life.

All were wasps...

**** wasps.
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+5
User avatar #6 to #2 - mentlgen ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
The ******* stung most of my forearm when I was grabbing a frisbee from a gutter as a kid.

**** wasps.
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+18
#11 to #6 - orkamungus (10/12/2015) [-]
They stung me in the balls when I was a kid...
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0
User avatar #75 to #11 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
so ur ghey now?
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0
User avatar #77 to #75 - orkamungus (10/13/2015) [-]
Sweetheart, for you I'm everything, hrrrrrrrrrr
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0
#78 to #77 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
too fast mane
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0
#80 to #79 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
You sure you wanna do this?? I just took my medicine...
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0
#83 to #80 - orkamungus (10/13/2015) [-]
I would actually rather have recommended this for you Swiggity Swooty, I'm coming for that booty
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User avatar #84 to #83 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
For me? How generous of you. Lube for MY boner.
0
#86 to #84 - doughnutholer has deleted their comment [-]
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User avatar #85 to #84 - orkamungus (10/13/2015) [-]
That's a weird way of spelling "butthole" mate
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User avatar #87 to #85 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
Oh my bad...

"For me? How generous of you. Butthole for MY boner."
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0
User avatar #88 to #87 - orkamungus (10/13/2015) [-]
This way we're going nowhere... Should we flip a coin or just take turns?
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0
User avatar #89 to #88 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
how about the same time? dry run. (but of course not before saying no homo)
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0
#90 to #89 - orkamungus (10/13/2015) [-]
How would we go at it both at the same time?
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0
User avatar #91 to #90 - doughnutholer (10/13/2015) [-]
we just... must!
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0
User avatar #46 to #11 - damnfaithlessdogs (10/12/2015) [-]
Now you'll have mutant wasp babies
congrats
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0
User avatar #47 to #46 - orkamungus (10/12/2015) [-]
That would be the worst combination of the two things I hate the most... Good thing I'm far too ugly to breed I suppose.
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0
User avatar #48 to #47 - damnfaithlessdogs (10/12/2015) [-]
Aw now buddy, don't be so down syndrome . Some lady wasp would be lucky to have you.
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User avatar #52 to #48 - orkamungus (10/12/2015) [-]
Too bad I hate wasps with a passion that borders the stupid.
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+12
#4 to #2 - officerbooty (10/12/2015) [-]
I hear ya man. Technically I'm not sure how many times I've been stung, but I've only been stung on two different occasions that I remember. First time I was running barefoot in my backyard, so got my toe and hand stung in one go by a wasp Okay, I could see how that was my fault if I stepped on it. . Second time though, a mud dauber flew into my hair and got tangled there. Stung my head and hand multiple times trying to get it out and had to go find my mom to remove it while it was still stinging me in the head.

>This is a mud dauber by the way. So needless to say, that led to some phobias. Que the going full autismo if I so much as hear buzzing near my head.
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+4
User avatar #7 to #4 - thatguyontheright (10/12/2015) [-]
I was stung 8 times in my arm by yellow jackets. When they tag you, it ******* hurts like a bitch.
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+1
User avatar #16 to #7 - mookiea (10/12/2015) [-]
Yellow jackets don't hurt that much, in contrast to the other types of stinging devils. yellows are lightweights, wasps are medium, and hornets, those ******* are heavy weights. Japanese hornets I don't have a scale for But they would be the giants. These ******* sting will melt your skin. You get an actual hole.

Yellow jackets like to make holes in the ground. So you can get them when you mow the lawn. When I was a kid I was walking thought the mountains barefoot. I live in Tennessee and I alawyas did that for some stupid reason. My foot fell down in this hole in the ground. And you guessed it. That hole was a yellow jacket nest. I ran and tumbled down the mountain. Sucked ass.
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0
User avatar #42 to #16 - everyziggy (10/12/2015) [-]
Hornets definitely hurt the worst and on top of that are probably the most full of hate. When I was like 12 I was coming in from outside and there was a white faced hornet on the door handle. He apparently didn't like sharing the door handle and decided to sting me on the back of the hand right in the vein. I could feel the venom working its way up my arm through my blood stream like hot lead. Thankfully, I have no allergies to flying hate machines.
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0
#13 to #7 - officerbooty (10/12/2015) [-]
Yeah, I agree, **** yellow jackets too. Had them invade one of the bedrooms in my grandma's house through the attic once. Thank god I wasn't the one to walk in and discover that. My mom did though, luckily she wasn't stung even once. .gif is hfw I imagine.
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+2
User avatar #20 to #4 - datsheriff (10/12/2015) [-]
Mud daubers are pretty ******* docile, though. at least from my experience.

Yellow jackets and reds, though.. Holy **** .
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+1
#36 to #20 - officerbooty (10/12/2015) [-]
Yeah, that's what I heard too. I think it's a different story though when one gets in your hair, think it probably just freaked out when it got tangled up and I started grabbing at it trying to get it out.
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+1
User avatar #37 to #36 - datsheriff (10/12/2015) [-]
Probably. We have a wooden porch where I live, and I swear to ******* god, wasps love it. I kill a nest every weekend during the summer.
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+1
#38 to #37 - officerbooty (10/12/2015) [-]
I do not envy you, my friend.
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+1
#39 to #38 - datsheriff (10/12/2015) [-]
Nobody does. But there's a certain satisfaction that comes from blasting a nest with industrial grade piss wasp spray.

I need to find a more permanent solution, but with ants invading my kitchen from the rain, my priorities are set to internal debates, rather than external. Next summer, I'm going to war on those airborne bastards.
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+1
User avatar #49 to #4 - joethebeast (10/12/2015) [-]
The mud dauber story made my ass clench, that's a situation I would wish on no one
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+1
User avatar #26 to #4 - hazardpay ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
I woke up to one on a culinary college externship in cape cod in my ******* blinds, having a phobia of any bees where even bros make me nervous, i did the rational thing. I chucked my shoe at the ****** , it hit, but it lived. still couldnt find its way out of the blinds so i squished it through the blinds with the shoe.

Woke up the next morning to ANOTHER ONE IN BETWEEN THE BLINDS. Same **** different day.
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+42
#15 - mookiea (10/12/2015) [-]
They attack us construction workers as well.

>Be building 3rd floor
>30+ feet in the air
>Walking across floor joist as there is no floor yet
>It's a balancing act but you get good walking on them after years of work.
>See a wasp coming at me.
>I know he has made me his target
>I begin to panic like a pussy 30+ feet in the air walking on boards 2 inches wide
> ****** gets me behind me knee cap
>continue to panic
>Fall because being a pussy from wasp
>rack my nuts in-between the floor joist
>hang there for 30 minutes
>Not a fun day

bonus story
>be 10
>went to Georgia in Murcia for vacation
>Walk through the yard barefoot
>Step on a pile of dirt
>Foot is on fire an I"m crying like a bitch
>Realized I stepped on a pile of fire ants
>Dad see's me and pulls me away because I was being stupid
>Gives me some pain cream and I sit there fort a few minutes
>10 minutes later I get up and walk to get some water
>Out of ******* no where a wasp stings me on my arm
>Begin to cry like a bitch again
>After that I caught a gecko
>It turned pink because I was sitting on a pink chair
>Prob it was matching my pussy-ness at the time
> Never go back to Georgia.

I hate wasps.
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+1
#62 to #15 - hairydawg (10/12/2015) [-]
Fire ants are annoying as hell, I itch like a sombitch when I get bit.

Also, I've been living here my whole life and have only been stung three times. Once when I was like two and twice at once a couple of months ago, but that was my own fault.
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+1
User avatar #63 to #62 - hairydawg (10/12/2015) [-]
*stung by wasps that is
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+11
#41 - alicorn ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
It's worth noting not to just blindly swat at anything you see, the first reason is because this unholy terror exists, behold the tarantula hawk. As the name suggests they hunt spiders not people, thankfully only females can sting but if you make the mistake of crossing one of them. Run, because if this thing gets you it's over just lie down and start screaming

Also on a much lighter note wasps like the mud dauber family won't sting unless handled and they also kill spiders
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+18
#43 to #41 - funpunk (10/12/2015) [-]
Anybody who's played New Vegas knows damn well what those things are.
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+22
User avatar #9 - miia ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
>not a behind the gif comic

pls
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+6
#50 - guanyu (10/12/2015) [-]
It all makes sense now.
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+6
User avatar #44 - grandmabetty (10/12/2015) [-]
Bees are fine, I've never been stung by one.

I have, however, been stung countless times by wasps for either A) no ******* reason, B) unknowingly stepping on one of the cunts in the grass, or C) shooing it away from MY ******* FOOD on MY ******* TABLE which is NOT THE ******* WASP'S

Wasps are ******* useless. Bees are lovely.
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0
User avatar #58 to #44 - threeeighteen ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
I'm a beekeeper and never wear gloves due to them making it harder to do my beekeeping stuff. I still rarely get stung and that after ripping the roof off their house and looking through all their stuff. Some hives are completely different though, those sour bitches will have a go at you for giving them the wrong look.
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0
User avatar #65 to #44 - theguythatisnotyou (10/12/2015) [-]
Pro-tip: Don't swat at insects that are flying around you. Blow air on them. They will usually leave you alone.
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+4
#25 - gerfox (10/12/2015) [-]
Never ever been stung. My friends think its strange, because I usually slap wasps and everything that comes close to me during the summer. However, wasps have to prepare their sting - and if you hit them in the air they are not ready to sting you.
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User avatar #32 to #24 - thelastamerican (10/12/2015) [-]
I just watched that.
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+1
User avatar #45 - obviousxplains (10/12/2015) [-]
i've been stung four times
3 were bees i stepped on
1 bee flew into my soda when i wasnt looking and i drank him, then spit him out. He had stung the inside of my lip and then tied on the pick-nick table

so i really have nothing against bees but now i dont drink cans of soda out doors anymore
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+1
#30 - anon (10/12/2015) [-]
I'm 25 and have never been stung by anything that flies. Scorpion that was hiding in my bed once, never a wasp or bee.

Both my parents are fatally allergic, and I fear it will be in my DNA. I used to work on a farm during the Halloween season, and am very proud I've avoided those little ******* flying around me 10 hours a day. And the one time I had 3 trapped in my car.

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+1
#21 - pleasantp (10/12/2015) [-]
Nobody has mentioned hornets thus far though.
Once I was picking some apples when I was a kid and a hornet flew under my shirt and stung me on my stomach.
However, while it was stinging me, I had no idea what was happening, and I clutched my stomach in pain.
The venom continued to flow in that one spot.
I had a bump the size of a baseball on my stomach after that.
Now I kill every hornet I see.
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+1
User avatar #1 - catkyte (10/12/2015) [-]
i've only been stung 3 times in my entire life, and all of them were my own fault
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0
#81 - boxcarracer ONLINE (10/13/2015) [-]
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User avatar #70 - derpthefifth (10/13/2015) [-]
Those aren't bees.
Bees aren't going to sting you unless they feel threatened, every other species of stinging flying stripped bug however, will sting the **** out of you, the above seen are most probably killer bees.
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User avatar #66 - jagerhaus (10/12/2015) [-]
The only time I've ever been stung was from a dead bee. A ******* dead bee. I sat against a tree and stuck my hand on the ground right onto the stinger
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User avatar #61 - cloakndagger ONLINE (10/12/2015) [-]
Well, I think that the problem is that people freak the **** out when they see bees. I've been stung once, and that's just because I tried to swat it away. Whenever I see a bee I just sit still, let it land on me, realize I'm not a flower, and then fly away.

I remember when I was 16, I was at a summer camp and we were at the lunch tables, and a bee flew over and landed right on my lips, and most of the girls and some of the guys freaked the **** out and moved away, while me and a couple of people that just gave zero ***** just sat there, waited until it flew away, and when everybody came back, I just shrugged and said, "Well, the worker bees are all female, right? Maybe she just wanted to steal a kiss."

And I've never been that smooth since.
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0
User avatar #53 - kibbleking (10/12/2015) [-]
I've never been stung but I get gangraped by ticks.
I get those ******* on my balls.
MY BALLS
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0
#55 to #53 - anon (10/12/2015) [-]
I hope you've been checked out for Lyme disease...
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#35 - kmichel (10/12/2015) [-]
When I was prepping a house for painting, I extended the ladder all the way to the peak of the garage of a very tall house, balancing the ladder's legs on bricks and wood chunks since the surface was at an angle. Was power sanding the old paint at the peak with one foot on the ladder and one hand on the roof. Bees were swarming from a nearby nest, aggravated from the vibration. I caught the sander between boards since I was nervous being allergic to bees and the shock almost threw me off the ladder.
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0
User avatar #34 - kevinipples (10/12/2015) [-]
i was expecting a gif at the end...
12>
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