Objection!!
**** PEOPLE MY IN COURTROOMS
Attorney: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, Ijust lie there.
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: This grails, does it
affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what way does it affect
your memory?
Wetness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
Attorney: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the
next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the ,
how old is he?
Witness: He' s 20, much like your IQ.
Attorney: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
Witness: Are you ******** me?
Attorney: So, the date of conception was
August tth?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that
time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage
terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by who' s death was it
terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and
had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town, I' m
going with male.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up
too much of a fight.
Attorney: All of your responses must be oral,
okay? What school did you go to?
Wetness: Oral...
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8: 30
Attorney: And Mr. Danton was dead at the
time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that
question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then, is it possible that the
patient was still alive when you
began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk In a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: Was that the same nose you broke
as a child?
Witness: I only have one, you know.
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living
with you?
Witness: or , I can' t
remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: years.
Attorney: Sir, what is your IQ?
Witness: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Attorney: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
Witness: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Attorney: Are you sexually active?
Witness: No, Ijust lie there.
Attorney: What is your date of birth?
Witness: July 18th.
Attorney: What year?
Witness: Every year.
Attorney: This grails, does it
affect your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what way does it affect
your memory?
Wetness: I forget.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something you forgot?
Attorney: Now doctor, isn' t it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn' t know about it until the
next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the ,
how old is he?
Witness: He' s 20, much like your IQ.
Attorney: Were you present when your
picture was taken?
Witness: Are you ******** me?
Attorney: So, the date of conception was
August tth?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you doing at that
time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: Were there any girls?
Witness: Your Honor, I think I need a
different attorney. Can I get a new
attorney?
Attorney: How was your first marriage
terminated?
Witness: By death.
Attorney: And by who' s death was it
terminated?
Witness: Take a guess.
Attorney: Can you describe the individual?
Witness: He was about medium height and
had a beard.
Attorney: Was this a male or a female?
Witness: Unless the circus was in town, I' m
going with male.
Attorney: Doctor, how many of your
autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up
too much of a fight.
Attorney: All of your responses must be oral,
okay? What school did you go to?
Wetness: Oral...
Attorney: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started around 8: 30
Attorney: And Mr. Danton was dead at the
time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I finished.
Attorney: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
Witness: Are you qualified to ask that
question?
Attorney: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, then, is it possible that the
patient was still alive when you
began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk In a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have
still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law.
Attorney: Was that the same nose you broke
as a child?
Witness: I only have one, you know.
Attorney: How old is your son, the one living
with you?
Witness: or , I can' t
remember which.
Attorney: How long has he lived with you?
Witness: years.
Attorney: Sir, what is your IQ?
Witness: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
...
| |
