Nobody reads the title
Tags: hump
WITH mine nus sida'' viii' i' ii' c. ii'
MINUTES
MINUTES
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65 comments displayed.
#17
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adu ONLINE (02/20/2014) [-] 
Or just teach him how to use his tongue and fingers, like any man should know how.
#93 to #85
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violated (02/21/2014) [-] With my ex, we once tried giving each other oral with pop rocks. It's a weird sensation, you feel as if microscopic ants were shooting rocks at your junk. Neither good or bad, just a weird sensation. Also, if she washes her vagina beforehand, the bad taste might go away. YFW she wants oral.
#19
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vandettamask (02/20/2014) [-] You should talk to him about it, telling him he sucks but be more subtle about it would probably hurt his ego and he will probably try some stuff too fix it.
#21 to #19
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theberserker (02/21/2014) [-] False, i've tried this (numerous times) and hasn't worked with my girlfriend, sometimes they're too prideful or stubborn to admit their faults and change.
#22 to #21
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vandettamask (02/21/2014) [-] This is when you **** them so good they can't disagree with you.
On some girls it's veeery effective.
On some girls it's veeery effective.
#26 to #22
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theberserker (02/21/2014) [-] Ah ha! You've found problem number 2 friendo! We aren't having sex! After 2.5 yeears! And what we do is super subpar! Yeah!
the picture is a lie
the picture is a lie
#30 to #29
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theberserker (02/21/2014) [-] I think the REAL sad thing is that she isn't though......... and i would but thats the only real problem in our relationship so that'd be a real **** tier thing to do!
But if this keeps going on though.......
But if this keeps going on though.......
#32 to #30
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twistedwoodthing (02/21/2014) [-] If she never wants sex, then have you considered asking if you guys could have an open relationship where you could sleep with someone else? It's well within your rights to ask that if you want a sexual relationship and she doesn't, but otherwise you two want to be together.
#44 to #32
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theberserker (02/21/2014) [-] Haha whow whow whow, i never said she doesn't want to have sex, she said (as of two nights ago) that she was happy with how things were. Trust me, if she said that she wasn't looking for any, period, wouldn't of started dating her her in the first place. man, that came out shallower then i expected...
And there would be no way she'd accept that semi unfortunately, i'd just be better off breaking up with her then ask that!
And there would be no way she'd accept that semi unfortunately, i'd just be better off breaking up with her then ask that!
#45 to #44
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twistedwoodthing (02/21/2014) [-] Oh, I seem to have misunderstood your problem then. So it's very infrequent sex? Or crappy? and if so, what's crappy about it?
#117 to #45
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theberserker (02/21/2014) [-] It's no sex, the most we do is naked dry humping (not sure how else to describe it but whatevs), and me fingering her; she usually throws me a half hearted handjob in return. I mean shes very resistant to doing anything that would make the process better for both of us and doesn't give as much as she takes; i mean, hell, it took her over two years to convince her to let ME spit on her hand for one of her terrabad handies!
#125 to #117
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Geronimo (02/21/2014) [-] Bro... I'm so sorry.. I once dated a girl like that...
I know that feel... (bad handies are hell) (handjobs in general kinda suck too)
If she's similar to my past experiences, you just gotta keep (politely) suggesting (not forcing) things that would be good for you.
(Ironic as **** because my ex ended up cheating on me)
Just keep pushing it and always keep mature, nothing is more of a turn off than a guy begging for a blowie (or anything for that marred)
I know that feel... (bad handies are hell) (handjobs in general kinda suck too)
If she's similar to my past experiences, you just gotta keep (politely) suggesting (not forcing) things that would be good for you.
(Ironic as **** because my ex ended up cheating on me)
Just keep pushing it and always keep mature, nothing is more of a turn off than a guy begging for a blowie (or anything for that marred)
#145 to #125
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theberserker (02/21/2014) [-] I notice the "dated" part of that xD
yeah, i mean, its just a **** situation really, where no matter what i'm the one who loses in the end; after this long i'm not expecting any miracles
yeah, i mean, its just a **** situation really, where no matter what i'm the one who loses in the end; after this long i'm not expecting any miracles
#146 to #145
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Geronimo (02/21/2014) [-] Things like this have a way of working themselves out, just keep on saying what you want, communication is extremely important.
If she's completely shutting you down, even when you talk to her kindly and maturely about it, then she's not really worth it. Sex isn't everything, but its the physical component of a relationship... so its half
If she's completely shutting you down, even when you talk to her kindly and maturely about it, then she's not really worth it. Sex isn't everything, but its the physical component of a relationship... so its half
#5
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xxospreyxx (02/20/2014) [-] I give it a month, then you'll be crying every time it gets dry and he's still hard.
#41
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tasomo (02/21/2014) [-] Suck it up and live with the mess you've created or just give him a viagra and tell him to his face that he's **** in bed and you're tired of it. If he gets offended or upset then tell him boo ******* hoo. Of the two of you he's the one-pump chump and either he gets with the ******* program or the sex stops.
You're just as much at fault here for not telling him he desperately needs improvement by the second appearance of Captain Premature. If you've kept banging the dude even as he's utter **** then you've set the status quo in his mind as everything's fine no matter how bad he is.
You're just as much at fault here for not telling him he desperately needs improvement by the second appearance of Captain Premature. If you've kept banging the dude even as he's utter **** then you've set the status quo in his mind as everything's fine no matter how bad he is.
#71 to #41
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fatoneatetwo (02/21/2014) [-] Yea 3 mins after a long time being together is pretty sad
#13
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oxYKellark (02/20/2014) [-] That's not how it works you cunt.
Try doing oral first. If he can only last three minutes normally you should have no problem getting him off quickly. Also he will love you.
Try doing oral first. If he can only last three minutes normally you should have no problem getting him off quickly. Also he will love you.
#75 to #18
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capinsquiggles (02/21/2014) [-] 100% true. Especially good thing to do on those nights both of you just want to **** for a few hours, gets by that easily.
#116
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herecomesjohnny (02/21/2014) [-] Only correct use i've seen of this meme in 2014. That's a real guilty confession at least
#105
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roninneko (02/21/2014) [-] Give him head. After he finishes, have him eat you out. By the time he's finished you he'll be ready to go again, but won't be charged up enough to cum as quickly.
Remember: evolution primed men to blow and go as quickly as possible to make sure we didn't waste any time breeding by having extended fun. Take advantage of the downtime. He has a recovery period between orgasms. You don't. If he cums quickly from a handie or a good sucking, then that means that his second orgasm will take a lot longer and, in the meantime, he can give you more than one.
Remember: evolution primed men to blow and go as quickly as possible to make sure we didn't waste any time breeding by having extended fun. Take advantage of the downtime. He has a recovery period between orgasms. You don't. If he cums quickly from a handie or a good sucking, then that means that his second orgasm will take a lot longer and, in the meantime, he can give you more than one.
#123 to #105
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thebestpieever (02/21/2014) [-] Ha ha! No. If she has a clitoral orgasm she can even spasm harshly if you touch it again right after. They also need some recovery time; it becomes incredibly sensitive.
#126 to #118
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thebestpieever (02/21/2014) [-] Wut? That's like the hugest dick move of all time! Well I guess it's actually quite small and floppy, but you get the idea.
#139 to #126
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Deathena (02/21/2014) [-] Yeah... After I realized it was gonna be like that EVERY time I got pissed, talked to him about it and he said he would try to work on it but I shouldn't expect anything.
Warning Long story about our relationship in spoiler.
I left him after dating for about 2 years and not having sex until the start of the 2nd year. Not entirely from the being really selfish in bed but he was also started to act like a dick when I wasn't around I.E. Calling me a (and unfortunatly I quote) "Cock loving whore" (I have a problem where I almost always want to have sex with the person I'm in a relationship with, and we had sex more than 4 times a day while I was staying at his house.) Now I would have no problem with him talking about our sex life if he hadn't made it sound like I cheated on him. I had girls coming up to me calling me a whore for cheating and I asked wtf? They then told me my boyfriend told them every thing and that I should be ashamed (apparently his friends didn't believe the sex I had was only with him). And no... I have no idea why I didn't break up with him at this point.
Then he went and cheated on me claiming "She made gave me no choice" since apparently he was jacking off and she came into the bathroom he was in and ****** him. Then told me it was actually in the bed that was "ours" and it was really 5 times, and none of them were protected, and that one time he ****** her half and hour prior to me coming over and him and i having sex... The worst part about that one was he decided to inform me how he hadn't taken a shower between ******* her and ******* me.
I also stayed with the asshole for 2 years total, 2nd year was when he started being a complete dick and the tail end of the relationship was when he cheated since 4-5 times a day wasn't enough sex some how....... But one good thing came from the ruins of that relationship I figured out "Hmmm maybe I shouldn't date assholes and I should date nice guys" Sorry it was so long.
Warning Long story about our relationship in spoiler.
I left him after dating for about 2 years and not having sex until the start of the 2nd year. Not entirely from the being really selfish in bed but he was also started to act like a dick when I wasn't around I.E. Calling me a (and unfortunatly I quote) "Cock loving whore" (I have a problem where I almost always want to have sex with the person I'm in a relationship with, and we had sex more than 4 times a day while I was staying at his house.) Now I would have no problem with him talking about our sex life if he hadn't made it sound like I cheated on him. I had girls coming up to me calling me a whore for cheating and I asked wtf? They then told me my boyfriend told them every thing and that I should be ashamed (apparently his friends didn't believe the sex I had was only with him). And no... I have no idea why I didn't break up with him at this point.
Then he went and cheated on me claiming "She made gave me no choice" since apparently he was jacking off and she came into the bathroom he was in and ****** him. Then told me it was actually in the bed that was "ours" and it was really 5 times, and none of them were protected, and that one time he ****** her half and hour prior to me coming over and him and i having sex... The worst part about that one was he decided to inform me how he hadn't taken a shower between ******* her and ******* me.
I also stayed with the asshole for 2 years total, 2nd year was when he started being a complete dick and the tail end of the relationship was when he cheated since 4-5 times a day wasn't enough sex some how....... But one good thing came from the ruins of that relationship I figured out "Hmmm maybe I shouldn't date assholes and I should date nice guys" Sorry it was so long.
#140 to #139
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thebestpieever (02/21/2014) [-] Ho-oly **** ! Where did you find the bloke? I mean, not to be offensive, but he sounds like the worst guy you could have picked. Well, maybe he was good looking. Not to go with the trite joke of "Guys are never not in the mood" but I'd imagine he should be glad, or even grateful to get to do the deed 4 times a day. The rest... that's just being an arsehole. Like... I could believe and forgive the bathroom story since something like that has happened to me a couple of times, but then doing in your bed 5 times on the same day... Jesus. And you weren't even in a casual
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for the conclusion I'm not entirely sure. You should date guys that are nice but not the so-called "nice guys" that make it a point of being so because tha'ts what they think a woman wants.
#142 to #140
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Deathena (02/21/2014) [-] Oh no the so called "nice guys" are easy to spot. They are the guys who if you are dating them for a while and DONT sleep with them (and they ask you to) complain how they "deserve" to have sex since they are so "nice". I usually try to wait at least a month or so of dating before having sex to avoid guys who think they "deserve" to have sex.
And I found him in highschool xD For the first year everything was great but then we started having sex (he was my first so maybe that has to do with why i didnt leave him sooner) and I'm not even sure how I put up with his **** . However it was about the time he started hitting me that I said **** this **** he is NOT worth this. Now if he tries to even talk to me, all I have to do is talk to my dad and he will deal with him.
See with the cheating it was 4-5 times in one week and I was coming over every night that week AND staying the night so the only time I wasn't there (and we were not having sex) was when I was at school and he was supposed to come to school with me. 4/5 school days that week he said he was sick so stayed home and I should have thought something was fishy when she wasn't at school for the same 4/5 days.
How I found out he was cheating is in spoilers.
I finally found out about him cheating because of his dick. Since he wasn't protected with her and didnt take a shower after he had white flakey stuff (from her) on his dick when he tried to **** me. Shoulda seen the look on his face when I offered to clean it off for him... Granted I did say I would clean it off with a knife... I was pretty angry
And I found him in highschool xD For the first year everything was great but then we started having sex (he was my first so maybe that has to do with why i didnt leave him sooner) and I'm not even sure how I put up with his **** . However it was about the time he started hitting me that I said **** this **** he is NOT worth this. Now if he tries to even talk to me, all I have to do is talk to my dad and he will deal with him.
See with the cheating it was 4-5 times in one week and I was coming over every night that week AND staying the night so the only time I wasn't there (and we were not having sex) was when I was at school and he was supposed to come to school with me. 4/5 school days that week he said he was sick so stayed home and I should have thought something was fishy when she wasn't at school for the same 4/5 days.
How I found out he was cheating is in spoilers.
I finally found out about him cheating because of his dick. Since he wasn't protected with her and didnt take a shower after he had white flakey stuff (from her) on his dick when he tried to **** me. Shoulda seen the look on his face when I offered to clean it off for him... Granted I did say I would clean it off with a knife... I was pretty angry
#143 to #142
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thebestpieever (02/21/2014) [-] So he was a hitter too? The guy just keeps getting better by the second. Was he at least any good at rocking the casbah?
#144 to #143
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Deathena (02/21/2014) [-] Lol the last story I have about him was a time he point blank said "If I'm not getting laid I don't care what you do".
One night I got a blinding migraine so it was like "I just want to curl up and die" but one thing that helped was if I smoked a joint. So I was staying at his place the night and asked if he minded if I had a joint. He told me no, I said okay. About half an hour later he tried to start thing up and I shut him down telling him my head was killing me and unless he wanted me to start crying from the pain to stop. He then got grumpy and laid beside me having a little temper tantrum (yes.... He has temper tantrums when he didn't get his way .... Maybe because he was used to sex when ever he wanted?.... He was 18 unfortunately) and I told him "look the joint will help then we can do whatever... I'll even go outside and smoke it out there" and told him it just hurt to much. He then got up and started for the kitchen saying "If I'm not getting laid I don't care what you do". So I grabbed my joint and started to go outside, as I passed the kitchen I told him "I love you" and he said "Yeah whatever.". Then when I came inside he was all pissy but we started undressing and all that. (At the time I was severely depressed and was hurting myself but only on my upper thighs) He saw the new cuts asked what it was and I told him I hated my life and it sucked and it was kinda like a suicide attempt (I tried to cut the artery in my leg) ect. He then said (and I quote because I will never get this out of my head) "Then next time do it right" and continued to try to get laid. Needless to say I called my dad to come pick me up, he didn't get laid, but I still continued dating him like an idiot.
One night I got a blinding migraine so it was like "I just want to curl up and die" but one thing that helped was if I smoked a joint. So I was staying at his place the night and asked if he minded if I had a joint. He told me no, I said okay. About half an hour later he tried to start thing up and I shut him down telling him my head was killing me and unless he wanted me to start crying from the pain to stop. He then got grumpy and laid beside me having a little temper tantrum (yes.... He has temper tantrums when he didn't get his way .... Maybe because he was used to sex when ever he wanted?.... He was 18 unfortunately) and I told him "look the joint will help then we can do whatever... I'll even go outside and smoke it out there" and told him it just hurt to much. He then got up and started for the kitchen saying "If I'm not getting laid I don't care what you do". So I grabbed my joint and started to go outside, as I passed the kitchen I told him "I love you" and he said "Yeah whatever.". Then when I came inside he was all pissy but we started undressing and all that. (At the time I was severely depressed and was hurting myself but only on my upper thighs) He saw the new cuts asked what it was and I told him I hated my life and it sucked and it was kinda like a suicide attempt (I tried to cut the artery in my leg) ect. He then said (and I quote because I will never get this out of my head) "Then next time do it right" and continued to try to get laid. Needless to say I called my dad to come pick me up, he didn't get laid, but I still continued dating him like an idiot.
#147 to #144
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thebestpieever (02/21/2014) [-] Oh dear. Well I'm sorry you had to bring that up 'cause that was way darker than any of the other stories you told. He really seems like the worst choice in the world, so it's good that you dumped him.
I know you say he was your first but the only reason I can think of for you not dumping him faster than a speeding bullet is that he was great in bed or he looked like George Clooney.
Was he older than you? Because you mentioned that he was 18 but you were in high school.
Well, hopefully you'll eventually find a guy who treats you right and doesn't leave you all hot and bothered. Both of those things are vital for a good relationship. I mean, back where we started, if you give him oral and then he doesn't feel like getting it up again then he could at least do the same.
Or maybe that's just me 'cause I like giving oral.
I know you say he was your first but the only reason I can think of for you not dumping him faster than a speeding bullet is that he was great in bed or he looked like George Clooney.
Was he older than you? Because you mentioned that he was 18 but you were in high school.
Well, hopefully you'll eventually find a guy who treats you right and doesn't leave you all hot and bothered. Both of those things are vital for a good relationship. I mean, back where we started, if you give him oral and then he doesn't feel like getting it up again then he could at least do the same.
Or maybe that's just me 'cause I like giving oral.
#151 to #147
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Deathena (02/22/2014) [-] Oh trust me if I wasn't comfortable with it I wouldn't tell anyone xD, Life goes on, things happen, all that fun crap lol. He was nice for the first year we dated so I was surprised how much sex changed him (we were both virgins) and even now he can't find a gf since he is such a dick.
He was about 2 years older than me. He was NOT great in bed (Now that i've been with other guys and actually had an orgasm Not once did I have one with him so I guess at the time i mighta thought he was good) and his face looks kinda like someone threw a bunch of darts at it... Really bad acne... Like not just the zits but he would break them open and then scratch it leaving a bit cut kinda thing on his face :/ Lol I think it might also have to do with I knew him for 7 years before we dated.
But I will admit on behalf of most the female gender that we do date assholes, we do stay with them, because we hope they will change back to the guy we knew at first.
He was about 2 years older than me. He was NOT great in bed (Now that i've been with other guys and actually had an orgasm Not once did I have one with him so I guess at the time i mighta thought he was good) and his face looks kinda like someone threw a bunch of darts at it... Really bad acne... Like not just the zits but he would break them open and then scratch it leaving a bit cut kinda thing on his face :/ Lol I think it might also have to do with I knew him for 7 years before we dated.
But I will admit on behalf of most the female gender that we do date assholes, we do stay with them, because we hope they will change back to the guy we knew at first.
#152 to #151
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thebestpieever (02/22/2014) [-] Well on behalf of most people, leaving someone just when they start becoming an asshole can also be bad. After all, love is kind of about second chances. But yeah, I think even then most people can find themselves having to put up with a complete cunt without noticing.
And to be fair: most guys just don't know what to do when having sex. Like... pleasuring your partner is not something that gets covered secondary school sex-ed or anything of the like. And since penetration is where guys get most of their kicks during it, they tend to assume that a woman gets just as much enjoyment and reaches climax as easily from it. And it's not their fault, but unless someone outright tells you -which an older girl that I dated helpfully did with me- or you google it there's... pretty much no way to find out other than experimentations and most guys are already nervous as is.
And to be fair: most guys just don't know what to do when having sex. Like... pleasuring your partner is not something that gets covered secondary school sex-ed or anything of the like. And since penetration is where guys get most of their kicks during it, they tend to assume that a woman gets just as much enjoyment and reaches climax as easily from it. And it's not their fault, but unless someone outright tells you -which an older girl that I dated helpfully did with me- or you google it there's... pretty much no way to find out other than experimentations and most guys are already nervous as is.
#153 to #152
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Deathena (02/22/2014) [-] Oh I point blank told him at one point that if he was only gonna take like 3-4 minutes then he should put more foreplay rather than just straight to sex then to sleep. I tried to get him to do more things I liked (after I had figured out what I liked) and he just did not want to. He refused to try returning the favor more than once for blow jobs since he didn't like that I made to much noise...
spoiler] I'll put it this way... I didn't even make a noise the first time we had sex because I didn't really feel much. He was not exactly what one would call average, more what one would call challenged in size? 4 maybe 5 inches if he was really hard... But of course I didn't really think much of it at the time. [/spoiler] But idk maybe time will help him
spoiler] I'll put it this way... I didn't even make a noise the first time we had sex because I didn't really feel much. He was not exactly what one would call average, more what one would call challenged in size? 4 maybe 5 inches if he was really hard... But of course I didn't really think much of it at the time. [/spoiler] But idk maybe time will help him
#154 to #153
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thebestpieever (02/22/2014) [-] Going by that I'm pretty sure that even if he knew he wouldn't care to do it.
I was just putting on a word for all the other blokes that have failed since... and probably a bunch more after, though fingers crossed you'll actually get someone who knows what's what beneath the bedsheets.
I was just putting on a word for all the other blokes that have failed since... and probably a bunch more after, though fingers crossed you'll actually get someone who knows what's what beneath the bedsheets.
#155 to #154
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Deathena (02/22/2014) [-] Thats where I'm lucky The start of January I started dating this awesome guy I was seeing for a month or two, and he is one of the nicest guy I have ever met Granted it could all be an act for the first few months but Im trying to be positive lol , it doesn't bother him if I say I'm not in the mood, AND he is really focused on making sure I finish before he does Its been amazing, and the chemistry between us is just wonderful lol It doesn't make me feel gross when ever he touches the scars on my legs. And when he first saw them he wasn't mad or grossed out or anything like that... All he said was "promise you won't do it again?" I haven't been this happy in years I just generally feel better about the way I look, happier, ect and when I was depressed due to that ex I turned to funnyjunk ^_^ Full cycle. Ex boyfriend = dick = depressed = funnyjunk = happier = gain more confidence = new awesome boyfriend It all depends on how you look at things right
#40
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frenzyhero (02/21/2014) [-] You know, real life isn't like pron. It doesn't usually last half an hour, unless you consciously make it last that long.
#84 to #40
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jarna (02/21/2014) [-] True, but that doesn't mean he should give up trying to improve.
Honestly there are way too many solutions out there that this should be less of a problem.
I don't think the solution presented here is the best option, but rather they really should be focusing on opening dialog to ways to change it.
Honestly there are way too many solutions out there that this should be less of a problem.
I don't think the solution presented here is the best option, but rather they really should be focusing on opening dialog to ways to change it.
#28
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smaaen ONLINE (02/21/2014) [-] Either do it.
Or tell him he needs to get you off with his hand/mouth or a combination there of after he gets off.
Or tell him he needs to get you off with his hand/mouth or a combination there of after he gets off.
#132
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tippidyt (02/21/2014) [-] I had a girlfriend for two and a half years, and she decided to tell me when we broke up that she never got an orgasm with me, and that she's been faking everytime.
I don't know if its true or not, but holy **** did it hurt my ego.
Just tell him. Then you can work to make it better.
I don't know if its true or not, but holy **** did it hurt my ego.
Just tell him. Then you can work to make it better.
