Nerdy Jokes. . KNOCK KNOCK. WHO' S THERE? WHO? NO, TO WHOM. WHEN I WAS A KID, Mt ENGLISH TEACHER LOOKED MY WAY Mil SAID, "NAME TWO PRONOUNS.' DID too HEAR ABOUT
x
Click to expand

Nerdy Jokes

KNOCK KNOCK.
WHO' S THERE?
WHO?
NO, TO WHOM.
WHEN I WAS A KID, Mt
ENGLISH TEACHER LOOKED MY WAY
Mil SAID, "NAME TWO PRONOUNS.'
DID too HEAR ABOUT THE MAN WHO NT
COOLED TO ABSOLUTE ZERO? HE' S OK NOW.
SCHRODINGER' S CAT WALKS INTO A BAR AND DOESN' T.
HELIUM WALKS INTO A BAR AND
A BEER. THE BARTENDER SAYS,
SORRY, WE DON' T SERVE NOBLE GASES
HERE." HE DOESN' T REACT.
HOW MANY SURREALISTS DOES IT TAKE
TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB? A FISH.
YOUR MOTHER IS SO CLASSLESS,
SHE COULD BE A MARXIST UTOPIA.
THEY SAY A FREUDIAN SLIP IS WHEN
too SAT ONE THING. BUT too REALLY
MEAN YOUR MOTHER.
WHAT DO too CALL TWO CROWS ON A
BRANCH? ATTEMPTED MURDER.
WHAT DO too SAY WHEN YOU' RE
COMFORTING h GRAMMAR NAZI?
THERE, THEIR. THEY' RE...
SODIUM SODIUM SODIUM SODIUM SODIUM
SODIUM SODIUM SODIUM BATMAN!
WHAT DO too GET WHEN
Toll CROSS A JOKE WITH A
RHETORICAL CUESTION?
IT' S HARD Til EXPLAIN PUNS TO
KLEPTOMANIACS BECAUSE THEY
ALWAYS TAKE THINGS LITERALLY.
C. E FLAT, AND G WALK WTO A BAR. TIE
BARTENDER SAYS, "SORRY. NO MINORS"
WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU PUT
ROOT BEE! IN A NONE GLASS?
BEER
A BIOLOGIST, h CHEMIST, AND
h STATISTICIAN ARE OUT HUNTING.
THE BIOLOGIST SHOOTS AT h DEER
AND MISSES SH TO THE LEFT, THE
CHEMIST TAKES h SHOT AND MISSES
FFT TO THE RIGHT. THE STATISTICIAN
YELLS "WE GOT EM!"
A PHOTON CHECKS INTO A HOTEL AND THE
DEMO? ASKS HIM IF HE HAS Mt LUGGAGE
THE PHOTON IMPLIES "NO I' M TRAVELING UGHT'
DESCARTES WALKS INTO A BAR.
THE BARTENDER ASKS F HE WANTS A DRINKS.
I THINK NOT," DESCARTES SAYS.
AND THEN HE DISAPPEARS.
...
  • Recommend tagsx
+1032
Views: 34885
Favorited: 441
Submitted: 09/04/2014
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to samjebus submit to reddit

Comments(138):

[ 138 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#64 to #55 - lionti (09/05/2014) [-]
On a scale from 1 to even, she can't
#38 - squidgy (09/05/2014) [-]
> Early grey tea   
   
I am British and this causes me intense physical pain
> Early grey tea

I am British and this causes me intense physical pain
#9 - badmonkey ONLINE (09/04/2014) [-]
Spilled root beer, square is two dimentional you pretentious ****
User avatar #33 to #9 - gonzoen (09/05/2014) [-]
So you wouldn't call a normal glass "round", you'd call it "spherical"?
User avatar #39 to #33 - peanutmonkey (09/05/2014) [-]
No. You would call it cylindrical.
#41 to #39 - gonzoen (09/05/2014) [-]
I just searched for "Spherical glass", and now I want this.
#68 to #39 - nosensephenom ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
This was the ******* rektoning.
User avatar #40 to #39 - gonzoen (09/05/2014) [-]
Ah, of course. But most people, when looking at a cylindrical glass, would say that it was round, though.
#54 to #33 - iidonteven (09/05/2014) [-]
Round isn't a 2D shape, circle is the shape you're thinking of.
#42 to #33 - basanso (09/05/2014) [-]
Cylindrical, my friend.
User avatar #43 to #42 - gonzoen (09/05/2014) [-]
Yes, peanutmonkey pointed that out.
#44 to #43 - basanso (09/05/2014) [-]
The comments didn't update until I had posted it. Therefore I didn't see it and believed I was the only one to reply at the time.
User avatar #59 to #9 - shiiiiiiiiiiii (09/05/2014) [-]
I bet you're fun at parties
#60 to #9 - rufflezrgood (09/05/2014) [-]
I get the strangest feeling that, maybe, just maybe, he was talking about a glass with a square-shaped base.
User avatar #4 - paradoxrocks (09/04/2014) [-]
does anybody else hate/are tired of the chemical symbol jokes? I feel like it's a bunch people circle jerking to how smart they think they are because they know that Sodium is represented by Na or even worse when they combine a bunch of elements (that wouldn't form a compound) to make words.
User avatar #75 to #4 - YllekNayr (09/05/2014) [-]
I've never found chemical symbol jokes funny
User avatar #107 to #4 - elmarcocfc (09/05/2014) [-]
Sodium, they're pretty Potassium.
Come at me
User avatar #131 to #4 - hellomynameisbill (09/05/2014) [-]
You wanna hear a nobellium joke?
No
User avatar #66 to #4 - thepizzadevourer (09/05/2014) [-]
I dunno, I'm a chemistry major and I enjoy them, I just feel like the more used elemental abbreviations are common knowledge now-a-days.
#110 to #66 - nebraskaom (09/05/2014) [-]
As a chemistry major as well I agree. These aren't smart jokes, they're all pretty simple really. The joke isn't that it's so smart, it's a simple redirection of a classic joke. Basically all the jokes here could be so called smart people circle jerking about knowing something if you felt like looking at it like that.
#13 to #4 - John Cena (09/04/2014) [-]
is it not like that with every kind of humour?
User avatar #18 to #13 - paradoxrocks (09/04/2014) [-]
No one's circle jerking it about how smart they are when someone makes a good ole poop joke
#19 to #18 - John Cena (09/04/2014) [-]
you think smart people see this joke and go "this is hillarious because lesser intelligent people cant understand it" ?

its just funny because it is funny.
User avatar #21 to #19 - paradoxrocks (09/04/2014) [-]
no I think dumb people see these jokes and say it's funny bc it makes me look smart
#24 to #21 - John Cena (09/04/2014) [-]
Boy do I have some bad news for you. You probably should get off Funnyjunk with that line of thinking.
#58 - domefige (09/05/2014) [-]
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks them "would all of you like a drink." The first logician says "I don't know." The second also says "I don't know." The third says "yes."
#91 to #58 - themapestree (09/05/2014) [-]
I like this one because it actually requires a little bit of thinking, not just a pop science reference and "hur dur I'm smart"
#3 - TheJackle ONLINE (09/04/2014) [-]
*pretentious jokes
*pretentious jokes
#46 to #3 - John Cena (09/05/2014) [-]
someone had to say it
User avatar #23 - subaqueousreach (09/04/2014) [-]
I had a french substitute who thought he was clever as hell.

He asked the class "What does 'Je ne sais pas' mean?" and pointed to me "You there."

I said "I don't know." and his response was "That's exactly right!"

I was never more confused than I was for those few seconds until I understood what he did.
User avatar #20 - rhetoricalfunny (09/04/2014) [-]
People are so dumb for finding puns funny

Am I cool yet guys?
User avatar #67 to #20 - cykocd (09/05/2014) [-]
puns are one of the few jokes that are actually hard to make. respect them a little more.
#94 - robinwilliamson (09/05/2014) [-]
>atoms make up everything
This one ******* bothers me, because it's not your ordinary wrong, it's like obscenely way off.
Atoms make up a majority of matter, that's cool. Except that only accounts for 4% of everything. That is a lot of **** to check out. I mean imagine that, pretty much everything we see is a tiny part of what all is there.
User avatar #101 to #94 - psyachu ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
You seem to know something about this, so I have a question. What is dark matter and dark energy? You've piqued my interest.
User avatar #137 to #101 - robinwilliamson (09/08/2014) [-]
They're matter and energy that we can't directly see, and we don't really know what they are, but every time we do the math, there's this big chunk of missing energy and matter and we can mathematically understand it, but we're trying to find out how to detect it right now with all kinds of ***** technology.

Matter and Energy we just can't see but we know it's there. The Anne Frank and Waldo of the Universe.
User avatar #115 to #94 - sonicsyndicate ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
i love you explain more
User avatar #138 to #115 - robinwilliamson (09/08/2014) [-]
@ #137
User avatar #48 - schnickelfritz (09/05/2014) [-]
What is Beethoven doing in hin grave? He's decomposing

i leave now
User avatar #50 to #48 - vgmddg ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
no
you no leave now
you never leave
#63 to #50 - kristovsky (09/05/2014) [-]
Leave? Funnyjunk? hahaha   
   
THINK AGAIN
Leave? Funnyjunk? hahaha

THINK AGAIN
#51 - whatyougot ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
But 1023 Megabytes would still be multiple GigaBITS   
(it should be Mb not MB)
But 1023 Megabytes would still be multiple GigaBITS
(it should be Mb not MB)
#136 to #51 - John Cena (09/07/2014) [-]
Actually you have that backwards. MB stands for megabytes. Mb stands for megabits.
User avatar #98 - puut (09/05/2014) [-]
A good chemist and a bad chemist walk into a bar. The good chemist orders H20. The bad chemist then orders H20 too...
#104 to #98 - evictedone (09/05/2014) [-]
Nice one.
#133 to #98 - randaxkull ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
They're both bad chemists.

H20 =/= H2O
#114 - viviannjames (09/05/2014) [-]
I would not trust this biologist.
User avatar #11 - tittylovin (09/04/2014) [-]
DURR I FEEL SMART FOR LIKING THIS JOKES
LOOK AT ME THUMB IT THAT MEANS I GOT IT AND AM BETTER THAN OTHER PEOPLE
#16 to #11 - John Cena (09/04/2014) [-]
Someone didn't get the jokes.
#29 to #17 - John Cena (09/04/2014) [-]
I don't know if you were being sarcastic now.
#71 to #29 - insaneflame (09/05/2014) [-]
He's being

<
User avatar #134 - butiloveu (09/05/2014) [-]
C, E flat and G walk into a bar

and the bartender says: “Sorry we don’t serve minors”, so E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

D comes in and heads for the bathroom saying, “Excuse me. I’ll just be a second.” Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, “Get out! You’re the seventh minor I’ve found in this bar tonight.”

E-Flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, “you’re looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development.” Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural.

Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he’s under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility.

Not mine, I'm not even a music geek but I poorly understand it .
#128 - fourchinsbrah (09/05/2014) [-]
mfw i actually understood most of those
mfw i actually understood most of those
#126 - languagexplain ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
Bless this post.
#118 - viviannjames (09/05/2014) [-]
Two biologists surnamed Tomy got married and had a daughter named Anna.   
   
 I'm sorry.
Two biologists surnamed Tomy got married and had a daughter named Anna.

I'm sorry.
#95 - ryles (09/05/2014) [-]
MFW this post these were pretty funny but im not proud over how long it took to get some of them
User avatar #100 to #95 - psyachu ONLINE (09/05/2014) [-]
It's okay, they're nerd jokes that can be difficult to get for anyone.
User avatar #93 - watermelloon (09/05/2014) [-]
A group of crows is called a murder. To anyone who didn't understand the crow one.
[ 138 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)