Natural Selection At It's Finest. not made by me. 15 Dumbest Patients That Doctors Have Had To Deal With. Faith In Humanity Lost. I' m never going to have a bab dumb Poeple natural Selection
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Natural Selection At It's Finest

not made by me

15 Dumbest Patients That
Doctors Have Had To Deal
With. Faith In Humanity Lost.
I' m never going to have a baby because the
hospitals don' t wash them anymore."
I once had a ll] year aid female patient
who didn' t know that having sex would
lead to pregnancy. She had no idea.
After looking at the patients chart and
seeing she had diabetes-
Me: Do you have any medical conditions?
Patient: No
Me: Are you sure, you' never been told
you have any diseases?
Patient: Never
Me: What medications do you take?
Patient: ... for my diabetes
A middle aged lady in the operating theatre
once told us at the last minute (as she was
being wheeled in) that she' s allergic to latex.
Everyone freaks out cos so much of the stuff
we use in theatre has latex in it, so we take
her to the latex free theatre and do her
surgery there. When she' s in recovery and
awake I enquire as to what reaction she has
to latex. "I just don' t really like the sound
the latex gloves make, dear". I just turned
around and walked out.
No, my fiancee and I don' t want our
daughter to have any of the vaccines,
vitamin K shot, antibiotic eye ointment, or
PRU testing. It' s poison. Poking her with the
needle is worse than the 'cold' she' d get
without the 'poison'."
He then drove his newborn daughter and
fiancee home in a car that absolutely reeked
of weed and cigarettes.
Dosomething year old patient comes to ER,
chief complaint on the board is "private."
This should be good, Go in, he is visibly
depressed and sad. Tells a story about how
he slept with a woman, didn' t use
protection, and after he noticed she had a
plastic box on her." When she told him it
was an insulin pump for diabetes he was
mortified. Came in immediately to be tested
for diabetes.
I had asthma when I was a child, so stop
f** king patronising me and telling me how
to raise my daughter just because you think
you' re smarter than me". Leaves hospital.
Back in hospital two hours later; six year old
daughter in respiratory failure and admitted
to ICU.
Don' t eat or drink anything after midnight"
before his 3 year old daughter' s surgery the
next morning {tonsils and adenoids). While
incubating his daughter the next morning,
she vomited scrambled eggs, causing her to
aspirate them into her lungs. Her heart
stopped, and I did chest compressions on
her for 25 minutes. we got her back, aborted
the surgery, and transferred her to pediatric
icu on a ventilator. Her father' s response..."
She said she was hungry. I thought you were
being too hard on her. It must have been
something you did to her."
Patient had to be told that the reason her
son was getting sick at school every day was
because she was packing him peanut butter
sandwiches and he was allergic to peanuts.
She honestly didn' t know that was an
ingredient, and he was in middle school and
wasn' t bright enough ta realize it himself.
Had a lady measure her baby' s temperature
by overheating the oven and putting one
hand in front of it while the other hand was
on the baby' s forehead. She told the nurse
her baby' s fever was about 250 degrees.
The best was the woman who was feeding
her 3 month old dog every few days for no
other reason than she thought a dog should
only eat that often. Came in for
hypoglycemia (of course),
The nurse who spoke with her has no
patience for this kind of jacked ignorance,
and actually shouted at her "DE! YOU EAT
EVERY THREE DAISI?"
Dace had a patient who was prescribed an
inhaler for his cat allergy. He came back a
week later saying he was none the better.
Turns out he was spraying the inhaler on his
tat.
My favourite was when someone was
prescribed estrogen patches and told to stick
one patch on herself every other day.
At the next followups she said she didn' t like
the patches because she' d been "running
out of space"
I didn' t think ta clarify to her that she should
have been placing a new patch and removing
the one from yesterday each day. Very
amusing. She indeed was covered in sticky
patches.
Mom brought her kids to the ER after they ate
all of their Halloween candy because they had
tummy aches. They were still eating Reese' s
peanutbutter cups when they were in the
exam room, I had to explain to her that they
need to cut back on the candy and she looked
at me like I had three heads.
There was this lady who had diabetes and her
foot was necrotic. The doctor told her she was
going to have to have it amputated, and she
said "No, Jesus will heal it for me" (or
something like that.)
The Doctor looked at her and said "Maam,
you have maggots eating your foot. Jesus
wants you to get it amputated."
...
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Comments(411):

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User avatar #402 - fukinitech (06/17/2014) [+] (1 reply)
stickied by unicornmangina
off topic question: when are people suppose to get colored text from non-OC content?
#1 - arcticastronaut (06/16/2014) [+] (30 replies)
It suprises me how some people can still be alive
when they're this stupid.
#5 - mrsnowballs ONLINE (06/16/2014) [+] (3 replies)
this
this
#24 - theblackhand (06/16/2014) [+] (7 replies)
Didn't know peanut butter has peanuts in it.
#9 - makhan (06/16/2014) [+] (5 replies)
The ones about the kids (and dog) actually make me angry. If you want to **** yourself up that's fine, but don't force your **** on others.
#44 - bronyfluttershy (06/16/2014) [+] (8 replies)
One time I got sick and went to the doctor's office. Doctor basically said I will get over it; but my mom flipped out and wanted to take me to Mexico to get me checked up by a doctor over there.  She is from Mexico and believes in herbs and 						****					.  When we got home, she instantly went on the computer to get a plane ticket. I had to unplug it and tell her that the computer needed to sleep. After a few more days, I got better and she found out that the computer was unplugged. I got grounded for 3 weeks because I didn't want to go to witch doctor in Mexico.
One time I got sick and went to the doctor's office. Doctor basically said I will get over it; but my mom flipped out and wanted to take me to Mexico to get me checked up by a doctor over there. She is from Mexico and believes in herbs and **** . When we got home, she instantly went on the computer to get a plane ticket. I had to unplug it and tell her that the computer needed to sleep. After a few more days, I got better and she found out that the computer was unplugged. I got grounded for 3 weeks because I didn't want to go to witch doctor in Mexico.
#3 - handofdestiny (06/16/2014) [+] (5 replies)
patient: hey doc, I have a terrible headache, can you give me some medicine?
doctor: ye sure, here is prescription for suppository and use it once a day..
next week
patient: doc, that medicine is not working.. now what?
doctor: well, I'll give you prescription for suppository and you will take it twice a day..
next week
patient: doc, this **** ain't working and my head is about to explode and I'm having some stomach issues too
doctor: for ***** sake, it must be working.. dude you must have been eating those suppositories!!
patient: no **** sherlock.. what did you think I was doing with them? putting them in my ass?
#15 - einharjar (06/16/2014) [+] (7 replies)
The oven-baby one
The oven-baby one
User avatar #86 - thedumbledore (06/17/2014) [-]
And these people really exist. I've met some of them.

Girl one year older than I was at the time (19 or so?) got pregnant and 'didn't know how it happened'. Her parents apparently told her pregnancy physically could not happen outside of marriage, in some insane attempt to 'keep her pure'. In 21st century Britain.
User avatar #77 - DontDeleteMeAgain (06/17/2014) [+] (16 replies)
ER phleb here, can confirm these people exist and more
#94 to #82 - DontDeleteMeAgain (06/17/2014) [-]
off the top of my head, heres one worth mentioning:

>EMS brings in patient at 4am
>30 year old female, 130lbs, above average healthy
>complains of abdominal pain, blood in urine, painful urination, bloating
>not fun
>urinalysis, blood drawn for analysis, external physical examination
>all came clean, no infections or diseases
>doc stumped, questioned her further
>pain started around 10pm
>admitted that it started after masturbating with a drumstick in her urethra
>IN HER URETHRA
>several scans later
>drumstick went the length of the urethra and punctured a serious hole in her bladder
>blood filled bladder
>urine filled abdomen
>jesus ****** christ off to the OR!
>she's screaming "you guys are wrong! I've done this hundreds of times before!" as shes taken to emergency surgery
>her urethra had to be repaired too as it was stretched twice the size it shouldve been
#79 - thatguyyoumightno (06/17/2014) [+] (4 replies)
OH MY GOD THESE ARE WORSE THAN DUMBASS COMPUTER PROBLEMS I AM SCREAMING INTO A PILLOW
OH MY GOD THESE ARE WORSE THAN DUMBASS COMPUTER PROBLEMS I AM SCREAMING INTO A PILLOW
#64 - withstrangeraeons (06/17/2014) [+] (11 replies)
Oh my God that last one. My boyfriend nearly lost his hand due to an infection he got in part as a result of his diabetes. Given what he went through, and how hard they had to work to help him, seeing someone ignore that and say "oh, jebus will save me" makes me furious.
#90 - dawinnamon (06/17/2014) [+] (2 replies)
The best one I've ever encountered:   
>Working in ER >Some bitchy mother with fake cans and a spray tan runs into waiting room with her 3rd grade son   
>Goes straight to front of line (cutting in front of people who are obviously more in need of care than her  >I listen in because I know that dis gon be gud   
>"My son has stomach ulcers"   >wat   
>receptionist: "How do you know this? Has he been to another office?"   >"No, he said his stomach hurts and he's super stressed so it's obviously ulcers"   
>obviously   >Walk up to lady and ask her what I can do for her   
>"Give my son medicine for stomach ulcers"   >I ask to check to make sure her diagnosis is correct   
>Scowls and says fine   >Kid is not vomiting blood or in any visible pain, so I pretty much immediately rule out ulcers   
>Ask kid if he is missing school   >yes   
>are you missing anything important?   >no   
>ask for the name of his teacher and school    >I call them   
>mother asks what I'm doing   
>Tell her I'm asking if there are any diseases going around   >I'm not actually asking that   
>Lady picks up the phone   >"Hi, this is Dr. Dawinnamon, and I was wondering if this kid is just trying to get out of doing homework or something"   
>*note* I have removed myself from the exam room so they can't hear me   >"Well, we have a spelling test today, which the kids have been preparing for for the last few days"   
>Could you give me a list of a few of those words?   >Yes of course   
>Go to kid   >ask him to spell some of the words   
>Can't spell a single one   >Tell his mother he is just skipping out of a spelling test.   
>MFW she calls me a dumbass for giving the wrong diagnosis   >MFW she leaves to go to another clinic   
>That was a fun day
The best one I've ever encountered:
>Working in ER >Some bitchy mother with fake cans and a spray tan runs into waiting room with her 3rd grade son
>Goes straight to front of line (cutting in front of people who are obviously more in need of care than her >I listen in because I know that dis gon be gud
>"My son has stomach ulcers" >wat
>receptionist: "How do you know this? Has he been to another office?" >"No, he said his stomach hurts and he's super stressed so it's obviously ulcers"
>obviously >Walk up to lady and ask her what I can do for her
>"Give my son medicine for stomach ulcers" >I ask to check to make sure her diagnosis is correct
>Scowls and says fine >Kid is not vomiting blood or in any visible pain, so I pretty much immediately rule out ulcers
>Ask kid if he is missing school >yes
>are you missing anything important? >no
>ask for the name of his teacher and school >I call them
>mother asks what I'm doing
>Tell her I'm asking if there are any diseases going around >I'm not actually asking that
>Lady picks up the phone >"Hi, this is Dr. Dawinnamon, and I was wondering if this kid is just trying to get out of doing homework or something"
>*note* I have removed myself from the exam room so they can't hear me >"Well, we have a spelling test today, which the kids have been preparing for for the last few days"
>Could you give me a list of a few of those words? >Yes of course
>Go to kid >ask him to spell some of the words
>Can't spell a single one >Tell his mother he is just skipping out of a spelling test.
>MFW she calls me a dumbass for giving the wrong diagnosis >MFW she leaves to go to another clinic
>That was a fun day
User avatar #167 - captaintoasty (06/17/2014) [+] (3 replies)
What do you call a sphere full of idiots? Earth.
#18 - akigon (06/16/2014) [+] (10 replies)
Honestly, sometimes, just sometimes, I think it's better for some people to just follow their own beliefs. So when someone is saying "Jesus will heal me" then just let them wait for Jesus to heal it. That way we have to deal with fewer of those types and they won't get offended when the doctor calls them stupid. It's a win win
#51 - groovierpoet (06/16/2014) [+] (7 replies)
>20 year old who didn't know that having would lead to pregnancy   
   
Was she home-school or what? Because that is some bull sht  right here.
>20 year old who didn't know that having would lead to pregnancy

Was she home-school or what? Because that is some bull sht right here.
User avatar #52 to #51 - gorathsm ONLINE (06/16/2014) [-]
hey man little tip, this is an adult website nobody gives a **** if you swear buddy
#41 - wolfenbanes (06/16/2014) [-]
That last one got me good
#75 - hadis (06/17/2014) [-]
User avatar #83 - Lintutu (06/17/2014) [-]
I feel so bad for the doctors and nurses that have to deal with these darwin award winners all the time
#131 - certifiedidiot ONLINE (06/17/2014) [+] (1 reply)
#FaithInHumannityLost #Yolo #lelxDDD

i just lost 2 megamuricans worth of le faith in le humanity xDDDDDDDD
#331 - charliechaplain (06/17/2014) [-]
the last one
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