Mitch Hedberg. Compilation of Mitch Hedberg I've had saved for a while. I'm sure it's a repost in one form or another.. BIGFOOT IS HURRY. THAT' S THE PROBLEM. I mitch hedberg funny
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Mitch Hedberg

Compilation of Mitch Hedberg I've had saved for a while. I'm sure it's a repost in one form or another.

BIGFOOT IS HURRY.
THAT' S THE PROBLEM.
ITS NOT THE FAULT.
Someone MAM me It mature and said.
This is a mature at me when I was ."
EVEN mature elven is when van were Hunger.
Item' s a mature at me when I' m timer."
Mig **** , lemme see that camera.
I USED To
no DRUGS.
I STILL . BUT
I USED TO. Too.
My menu asked In wanted aerozer banana. I said, ‘No. am I wane
later so. Tim
I saw a commercial on
said, “Forget ecerything
you Knorr about
So I did,
q ‘ load ott
commercial tried to sell
tne slipcovers. and I
didn' t Knorr U [rat the
hell they were
My huh holds up
my pants and
my pants have
that
hold up the bolt.
What the fualt' s
really will on
Who real
I‘ m against picketing, but I dam know how to shown.
AII: Is a disease, out It' s the only disease you can on yelled at
tor having. Damn " onto, you' re an alcoholic. Damn on you have
Lupus. one or those we doesn' t sound
I haven' t slept for IO days
because t at would
be too long.
WEARING A TURTLENECK IS LIKE
BEING STRANGLED IV A
REALLY WEAK out ALI. DAV.
hang a map or the world HI my
house, and then In gonna put pins Into
all the Occations that We traveled to,
But Inst I' m gonna have to travel to
the top two comers Mme map,
down.
Much Hedberg
I wanna rat: a bank with a as gun. ‘Give HIE all or I Will
give you a I Will u non, you will u cute. we own WIN."
mien Hedberg
The depressing
thing about tennis
is that no matter I
how good I get, I' ll
new he as good
as a wall.
Witch
every book. Is a
book If the Kid
can rear.
I hate turkeys.
If you stand In the meat SENIOR at the grocery store
long enough. you start to get mad at turkeys.
There' s' turkey ham, turkey bologna. turkey pastrami.
Some one needs to tell the turkey,
man, just be yourself"
h/ Hedberg
My holds up
my ' anti ate,
my punts have __
hold up the luck.
Whtat thy tuck' r,
trryan ?
Mu, is the reel]
when r was hoot,
T late) in my Led
where
COMET? iil,
liven tint! unmet! lost
build a house." I’
well. I we In that new I live here. _
I have severity ' my ' ,2
Inert Balms f:
In at a came, I who by the deer - and a “whey guy came over and
Sim you' re gonna have to move you' re blocking the fire exit‘. As
though It there was a me, I wasn' t gonna run. If you are flammable and
have legs. you are never blocking ante em.
Mta
Sta rs Sony For The l: ‘
This one my are “L: II: |( butt‘ we has a me auto" I said
wean I bet she can Sit down
Inn sun
I have a vest.
If I had my arms cut
off, it would be a jacket.
I a yogurt, underneath the ltd It sans. "Please try again."
because they were having a contest than was unaware at I thought
maybe lope an the yogurt wrong. mar maybe ‘Input! was mlia to
me . come on Mitchell, don' t give up!" An inspirational
message atom , on the bottom. new on =
Mtar
Fish are always
ts eating other fish.
If fish could scream,
meld be
...
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Views: 48742
Favorited: 263
Submitted: 08/13/2014
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Comments(65):

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#14 - jazzd (08/13/2014) [+] (2 replies)
stickied by seanconneryz
You forgot this one
#3 - thatguyyoumightno (08/13/2014) [-]
I like rice. Rice is great when you're hungry and you want two thousand of something.
#5 - vlemich (08/13/2014) [+] (3 replies)
See Hedberg.
See Hedberg.
#6 to #5 - vlemich (08/13/2014) [-]
Reminded now my favorite two comics are both dead...
Reminded now my favorite two comics are both dead...
#13 - ultimateasshole (08/13/2014) [-]
My favorite line.
User avatar #19 - cptmongtard (08/13/2014) [+] (3 replies)
That fire exit one... What if you're a wooden table?
#4 - vlemich (08/13/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#17 - monarkh (08/13/2014) [+] (5 replies)
are you freaking kidding me? Am I the only seeing that every jokes right there are ****** ? for ****** sake it's not even remotely average, why the hell are you all like "fufufu mitch hurdur what a man!! lololl" the guy is one of the weakest stand up comedians of your country, stop being so suggestible, it's not because he's invited on your tv shows that this is proof he's talented or funny, christ....
#18 to #17 - seanconneryz (08/13/2014) [-]
He's been dead for almost a decade m8.
He's been dead for almost a decade m8.
#23 - darthlegolas (08/13/2014) [-]
"If you find yourself lost in the woods, 						****					 it- build a house." Sounds like an average day in Minecraft.
"If you find yourself lost in the woods, **** it- build a house." Sounds like an average day in Minecraft.
User avatar #12 - twentyseconds (08/13/2014) [-]
Yeah I don't smoke any more... I don't smoke any less either.
#2 - megayoming (08/13/2014) [-]
"This Content made me question my sexuality. but in the end im still a faggot"  ~Megayoming
"This Content made me question my sexuality. but in the end im still a faggot" ~Megayoming
#15 - dwarfman (08/13/2014) [-]
Mitch is the man. Sucks he's dead.
User avatar #41 - neokun ONLINE (08/13/2014) [+] (1 reply)
The belt one is a team effort.
#32 - airforceman (08/13/2014) [-]
He just wants to know who the real hero is.
#49 - tinyer (08/13/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Where's the funny?
#36 - riayl (08/13/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Comment Picture
User avatar #27 - dharkmoswen (08/13/2014) [-]
I love how people bash on autism SO much, then Mitch shows up and it's all good.
#9 - drfaust (08/13/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Hey so
first of all, you reposted this
Secondly, you didn't even look at it thoroughly enough to notice that the belt joke is repeated, and remove it
User avatar #39 to #11 - collateraldamageco (08/13/2014) [-]
He probably throws parties himself but no one comes because he's an asshole
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