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1 sack to Messages we PM I :t zest!
craigslist > services
lam is
For / hour I will Come to your holiday
party dressed as the Elf en the Shelf and sit in
any location you assign me while I stare
emptily at your guests for the duration of the
event.

...

+1139

Views:	35165
Favorited:	50
Submitted:	12/18/2015

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+116

#8 - grasman (12/19/2015) [-]

Guests be like.

+152

#4 - stupidoo (12/18/2015) [-]

I would tell him to sit on the toilet for whole night so no one else could use it

#36 to #4 - pinethrush (12/19/2015) [-]

Sounds good.

Don't complain when your friends drink too much eggnog and **** on the sofa as a form of protest.

#18 to #4 - whitepyros (12/19/2015) [-]

You heartless bastard.... I love it

+162

#2 - xdiabolicx (12/18/2015) [-]

**xdiabolicx used "*roll picture*"**
**xdiabolicx rolled image** Sold.

#3 to #2 - jackstrafe (12/18/2015) [-]

Sweet roll there. Perfectly captures my feeling when this post

#35 to #2 - OldSnake (12/19/2015) [-]

That water is so gross, man. It reminds me of that boiled jizz bottle thing from a while back.

#27 to #2 - gmarrox (12/19/2015) [-]

>No percs
>Short neck
>Brown water

That rip is gonna suck, little bunny man.

#22 to #2 - bwiedieter (12/19/2015) [-]

That hast to be the most disgusting bong water I´ve ever seen. Jesus.

+12

#11 to #2 - dazartimm (12/19/2015) [-]

That bong is ******* disgusting... AT LEAST CHANGE THE WATER

#15 to #11 - grasman (12/19/2015) [-]

I think you haven't seen a really dirty bong yet.
That water is crystal clear in comparison.

#16 to #15 - dazartimm (12/19/2015) [-]

I use my bong 10+ times a day at least. I know what a dirty bong looks like. That being said, I completely clean mine every week or so and make it look brand new. Can't stand that gross resin taste, all about that bud man

#24 to #16 - abstractpink (12/19/2015) [-]

I clean my bong
Everytime I use it

**** dirty bongs

#7 to #2 - remzroller (12/19/2015) [-]

**remzroller used "*roll picture*"**
**remzroller rolled image** i agree this roll is awesome lets hope my roll is of decency

#20 to #7 - heymantheduck ONLINE (12/19/2015) [-]

better roll!

#37 to #20 - remzroller (01/05/2016) [-]

*claps hands* smooth

#9 to #2 - numbmind ONLINE (12/19/2015) [-]

I guess you could say he is all hopped up...

+42

#21 - krzyk (12/19/2015) [-]

I don't trust him.

#30 to #21 - carrotpotato (12/19/2015) [-]

THAT'S A GNOME YOU ******* NORMIE
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

#33 to #30 - lype (12/19/2015) [-]

are you blind? it says elf right there

+15

#10 - dazartimm (12/19/2015) [-]

This guy also offers private investigation and babysitting services. I'm not even kidding.

#23 - emberhard (12/19/2015) [-]

TV Commercial - Elf on the Shelf - Holiday Traditions

I ******* hate elf on a shelf.
Does anybody else remember that year when they were shoving commercials down our throats trying to get people to buy a ****** stuffed elf toy and activity set for the whole thing?
It's marketed as a "holiday tradition" when they literally just ******* invented the "tradition" to sell their **** .

#26 to #23 - randomuploads [OP](12/19/2015) [-]

Oh like De Beers and giving a diamond ring for an engagement. Brilliant marketing strategy.

#28 to #23 - benadryl (12/19/2015) [-]

woah
are all american commercials awkward as **** ?

#29 to #28 - meganinja (12/19/2015) [-]

A lot of them are.

#32 to #28 - vivjames (12/19/2015) [-]

Oh gosh, I hated commercials when I was visiting a friend in the states, They're so depressing, like s
something you'd see in a dystopian/utopian movie, or something you read in a self help book.

Yo fellas, cheer up a bit brahs (sorry for the horrible attempt in accent)

#34 to #32 - bodox (12/19/2015) [-]

Then you have the drug comericals that tell you that their drug will fix your insomina at only to cost of anal leakage, depression and a chance of death
Then there are the perfume ads that make absolutey no sense

#25 to #23 - anon (12/19/2015) [-]

>Piece of **** doll sitting on a shelf
>Family moments that last a life time
>All those kids trying to look excited

Holy ******* **** . This is the best example as to how holidays are abused by worthless subhuman ******* companies that only care about capital.

#31 to #23 - powerbook ONLINE (12/19/2015) [-]

#19 - fatminion ONLINE (12/19/2015) [-]

Elf on Shelf`??? Is that like "Cat in the Hat" or something?

Oh, it's apparently a 2004 children's book. I was already grown up by then so didn't hear about it:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Elf_on_the_Shelf

#1 - gearhead (12/18/2015) [-]

**gearhead used "*roll picture*"**
**gearhead rolled image** mfw

#12 - thejusticar (12/19/2015) [-]

i wonder if anyone actually hired him.

#13 to #12 - anon (12/19/2015) [-]

He's all booked up and you have to call at least 48 hours in advance of the day of your event cause he's so popular... At least that's what they said on the radio.