I see everyone else posting their stories about landwhales and all that fun and that kinda makes you wonder, where do they come from? Well, FJ, wonder no more. I have a tale, something I'd not admit to anyone who knew me personally but an origins tale for the increasingly common landwhale.
>13 years old in the year of our delicious spaghetti lord 2002
>Dating a solid8-9/10. First girlfriend, shy about everything, barely even hold hands
>Constantly picked on for having small boobs
>A cups at 13?
>Takes all of these comments to heart
>Tells mom she's being bullied and asks to move
>Disappears for about a year and a half, keep up on the greatest website ever
>Resurfaces at our school out of the blue
>Thought the earthquakes were something much less ominous like a natural ******* disaster
>Nothing in the silent hill franchise prepared me for this.
>Comes up to me, arm around my upgrade, solid 10/10 who was extremely insecure and subsequently open-minded
>The great white whale comes up to me
>Right in front of my girlfriend, says "You're leaving her and getting back with me."
>Puffing out her chest like an actor who was once in shape but isn't anymore
>B-but anon, I have boobs now
>Goes on to tell me how she thought I was looking at other girls because they have boobs and that she thought my best friend of 9 years was intimidating because she had bigger boobs than her
>Pretty bluntly say, "I'm not attracted to girls who are bigger around than me.
>2004, predating all this tumblr ********, she accuses me of being a fat-ist and a thin-supremist
>Throws a tray of food at my girlfriend, truly shocked she didn't eat it.
>Goes on to say how she only got fat to grow boobs so the patriarchy wouldn't discriminate against her.
>Dumb hillbillies defend her and say she's beautiful the way she is
>Livestock errrr' day!
>Forms a social circle with the hillbillies and other fat girls
>Spreads the epidemic
>Removed from Football team because she was the niece of the principal and informed her that I was a racist for not liking fat people.
>Approach her later, apologize in hopes that she'll talk to her aunt
>Make the mistake of doing it behind the scenes in theater class
>She approaches me and grabs the crotch of my pants
>I say, "What the **** are you doing?
>Realizing I have no interest, she immediately screams, "Rape."
Tired of even trying to do the green text format so that **** is done forever. Basically, from that point we get called to the office and the cops are called. Her aunt defends her like crazy but she cracks under pressure and says, "He raped my emotions by making me think he loved me again."
Her aunt had no choice but to suspend her. She returned to school two weeks later apparently an anime fag convert and wearing a fox tail that I can only hope wasn't one of those buttplug ones.
Anyway, this is basically her creation story. I'm typing up ten other stories about her in the later years and I will choose which one gets released by who rolls dubs first in the thread.
11-Romeo and Ju-lard-ette
22-The Virginity Tale
66-Temple of the lost Condom
88-Chick Fil A Day
99-"Gays are only gay because they haven't met me yet."