Here's a few gems from my system admin job.

>What operating system is on your computer?
>Windows.
>What version?
>I don't know...Microsoft? It might be a Mac.

>I can't get on the internet on my laptop.
>Did you connect to our WiFi?
>No.
>Do you need help connecting to our WiFi?
>No. *few seconds later* Why isn't my router in the list of connections?
>Because this is not your house.

>Ok, so Outlook isn't working? Can you run any other Office programs?
>I can run Windows.
>No, I mean like Word or Excel.
>It's Windows 10.

>I made some changes to your account, can you log out and back in so they take affect?
>Ok. *few seconds of silence*
>Is everything working now?
>I don't know, I haven't even turned my computer on today.