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Submitted: 03/13/2014
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Comments(330):

[ 330 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#10 - medianoche (03/13/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#226 to #10 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Part 9 amendment:
White people nod down to each other.
Black people nod up to each other.
Mixed, either is acceptable.
#239 to #226 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
good observation skill.
User avatar #12 to #10 - Rockycrack (03/13/2014) [-]
exactly what i was thinking
#92 - mattdoggy (03/14/2014) [-]
In case any women were wondering
In case any women were wondering
#99 - azraelthemage (03/14/2014) [-]
NOW THEY KNOW ASSHOLE!1!!!
NOW THEY KNOW ASSHOLE!1!!!
#15 - toggme (03/13/2014) [-]
male pride
male pride
User avatar #106 to #15 - DmOnZ (03/14/2014) [-]
I thought he was brushing his teeth at first, and I cringed harder than overhearing a public brony meet up when he went to drink the beer.
User avatar #196 to #15 - folkflunky (03/14/2014) [-]
He sipped the beer like a little bitch. 0/10 I'd rather kill self than be him.
#210 to #196 - ktbmnf ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
maybe because he enjoys drinking, and doesn't drink for the sake of drinking
User avatar #212 to #210 - folkflunky (03/14/2014) [-]
Even if that's the case, you gotta admit, that was a little girl's sip. I'm not saying you gotta drink a quarter of the ******* beer but man I didn't even see the beer lower.
#330 to #212 - xxmemosxx ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
It's probably been sat in a warm cupboard whilst filming... you go down the ****** if you like warm, flat beer
User avatar #213 to #212 - ktbmnf ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
you raise a valid point. now that i reflect on my comment, i realised i replied without thinking through about what you said. i think i missed the "little bitch" part.
User avatar #215 to #213 - folkflunky (03/14/2014) [-]
It's just that even by my standards (I don't really like alcohol. I like do drink every once in a while but I'm not the kind of guy that keeps beer in his fridge) that was a minuscule sip.
User avatar #216 to #215 - ktbmnf ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
yeah, it seriously was. you're right.
User avatar #217 to #216 - folkflunky (03/14/2014) [-]
u no it
User avatar #190 - muffintime (03/14/2014) [-]
**** now that you mentioned "the nod" I just realized I do that to so many people that I pass at school... Like there's this one asian kid that I pass everyday at 8:05 when we get on the bus and we always give each other the nod... I don't know his name and I never talked to him before, but I feel like if I ever got in a fight he would have my back... Same thing goes for him..
#180 - camzore ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
No woman can ever comprehend the power and significance behind the nod...
No woman can ever comprehend the power and significance behind the nod...
#8 - John Cena (03/13/2014) [-]
I do all of the non-penis-specific ones...
I do all of the non-penis-specific ones...
User avatar #41 to #8 - moistnuggests (03/14/2014) [-]
You could probably do some of the penis related ones if you got creative.
#151 to #41 - dragonstew (03/14/2014) [-]
Get creative, you say?
#16 to #8 - toggme (03/13/2014) [-]
The nod is male only woman
The nod is male only woman
#139 - divinecreator (03/14/2014) [-]
I've done every single one of them
I've done every single one of them
#70 - enochian (03/14/2014) [-]
Yep, I've done everything on that list.
Yep, I've done everything on that list.
User avatar #170 - PenguinsOfMars (03/14/2014) [-]
I never understood the nod thing or why i do it. Its like you see a friend and you're like i acknowledge your existence but have nothing additional to communicate warranting additional motion.
#52 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Things I've done
1. Not change underwear, cause period (it's all dark brown and covered in blood stains and smells like the inside of a hooker's asshole.)
2. Only shower when hair is visibly greasy.
3. Left a bloodsoaked pair of undies in a wastebin in the laundry room, forgot about it, come back a month later, the blood got all white and molded.
4. Fantasize about horse cock. **** you, I've done worse.
5. I forgot to wash my hands after changing my tampon and now my sandwich tastes like the inside of a hooker's asshole.
6. I sleep in my clothes
Oh, but **** . In grade eight I was a foul piece of **** . I didn't wear underwear at all and got skid marks on the inside of my jeans, didn't wash my jeans cause I was too ******* lazy, and used pads, they smelled like **** and I'd only change them once a day. **** , I'd wake up with a bloody saggy sack of uterus flesh inside my pants, cause it was the same pad from last night and the morning before.
Anyway yeah
User avatar #153 to #52 - toosexyforyou (03/14/2014) [-]
Ugly women are like men, they have to work. -Daniel Tosh
#222 to #52 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
- Eat on the loo
- **** with door open
- Don't flush or wash hands at night or if im not doing anything for the day
-Piss in the shower
-Period in the shower
-Inspect amount of blood in toilet. The more you did the more you win.
-Walk around the house in nothing but panties unless there's visitors
-Have probably flashed the neighbors many, many times
#224 to #222 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Continued:
-Leave various objects used to masturbate somewhere hidden when i can't be bothered to clean it up just yet, then forget about them
-Wear the same pair of jeans/bra days on end, maybe with a 1 day break to convince myself it will be clean again when i next put it on
-Leave finished food plates in temporary yet still inappropriate places around my room
-Pick my nose out CLEAN
#225 to #224 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Continued more:
-Shave toes
-Scratch and sniff
-Monthly bellybutton-fluff-tweezing session
-Regular unsuccessful squeezing of nose blackheads
-Use random razors to shave pubes when staying in other people's houses

We aren't so different, you and I.
#228 to #225 - aerosol (03/14/2014) [-]
mfw that last one
mfw that last one
#235 to #228 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
You better beware
#238 to #236 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Use your razor on my fanny...
#240 to #238 - aerosol (03/14/2014) [-]
Try it. I just might out-disgust you.
also, my razors are cheap as **** so you better have a battle-hardened fanny or things might get a little dicey
#241 to #240 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
That's what soap or shaving cream is for. And then moisturizer. Never shave your pubes and forget the moisturizer.
User avatar #243 to #241 - aerosol (03/14/2014) [-]
Wait, you can use soap?
#246 to #243 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Yes you can. And I assume we are still talking pubes here; don't shave against the direction the hair grows like you would on your face/legs/whatever. Trim them down with scissors if they're fully grown then shave in the direction of the hair in as little glides as possible. Shave opposite direction only once if it needs it, otherwise you irritate the skin too much. And soak in warm water before/after you do it. And apply moisturizer or a light anti-septic in the direction of hair growth after wards too.
#249 to #246 - aerosol (03/14/2014) [-]
You sure know a lot about pube-shaving. Thanks for the tip.
You sure know a lot about pube-shaving. Thanks for the tip.
#250 to #249 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
No problem, dude
User avatar #242 to #241 - aerosol (03/14/2014) [-]
tried that once. It was my first and last attempt...
#248 to #225 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Monthly removal of bellybutton fluff? How about daily? My body hair gently ushers all the fibres that come from my clothes into the maw of my tummy.
#127 to #52 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
I mean who doesnt fantasize about horse cock?
#158 to #52 - tastycrisps (03/14/2014) [-]
I'd be disgusted but I can't because I have done them all. And continue to do so. It's not a matter for being masculine, it a matter of being a a disgusting slob.   
   
Some to add   
   
1. not change bras for days at a time, usually longer.    
2. thought about every single person I've met, at one point or another, in bed, regardless of age or gender(I'm not even that gay).   
3. I've scooped the boogery thing vaginas secrete out of my underwear, smelled it, then wiped it at the bottom of desks when no one was looking.   
4. While on the toilet I have realized that my undies have been blood stained, but was too lazy to change them, so i end up wearing them for days, accumulating fresh blood steins, then admired the pattern of intensities it created.   
5. Measured the length of my pubes.  approx. an inch for all those wondering
I'd be disgusted but I can't because I have done them all. And continue to do so. It's not a matter for being masculine, it a matter of being a a disgusting slob.

Some to add

1. not change bras for days at a time, usually longer.
2. thought about every single person I've met, at one point or another, in bed, regardless of age or gender(I'm not even that gay).
3. I've scooped the boogery thing vaginas secrete out of my underwear, smelled it, then wiped it at the bottom of desks when no one was looking.
4. While on the toilet I have realized that my undies have been blood stained, but was too lazy to change them, so i end up wearing them for days, accumulating fresh blood steins, then admired the pattern of intensities it created.
5. Measured the length of my pubes. approx. an inch for all those wondering
#160 to #158 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#181 to #158 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
some to add

6) been too lady to change underwear during period so i just change pad and ignore the smell of the panties
7) in the winter time let my leg hair grow to ungodly lengths (1cm)
8) put my finger in my vagina then licked it to see if I taste good
9) masturbated with a rounded carrot
10) itched my vag during my period and just wiped my bloody finger on the underwear instead of washing my hands
11) compared having my period to giving birth to a warm slugs randomly throughout the day

I am a pretty attractive female, dont fool yourself guys, every girl does some gross **** especially when their aunt flow is in town, not just the ugly girls
User avatar #269 to #181 - potrsr (03/14/2014) [-]
and i thought man are disgusting... but living with 2 female roommates since October i can honestly say, man are, well ''cleaner''. Also, the sex jokes(lesbian sex jokes that is) are way worse then gay jokes.
User avatar #283 to #181 - guruofcancer (03/14/2014) [-]
Pics or I don't believe you.
User avatar #230 to #158 - weazr (03/14/2014) [-]
Aaaaaaaaaand I am suddenly gay.
#227 to #158 - aerosol (03/14/2014) [-]
Wow.   
 and now I'm just sitting here wondering how long my pubes are
Wow.
and now I'm just sitting here wondering how long my pubes are
#303 to #158 - defeats (03/14/2014) [-]
Girls are ******* nasty.
So now you have me wondering (and worried) as to whether my girlfriend does these things... Does every girl do these things?
If she does, I might have to get rid of her and find myself a cleaner animal to hang around with.
User avatar #318 to #303 - damnfaithlessdogs (03/14/2014) [-]
No. That is not by any standard normal. Most of us don't do anything like that.
#333 to #318 - defeats (03/14/2014) [-]
Thank goodness for that! And thank you Miss!
Thank goodness for that! And thank you Miss!
#255 to #52 - earldibblesjr (03/14/2014) [-]
Literally killed my boner.    
   
   
MFW reading the last one.
Literally killed my boner.


MFW reading the last one.
#56 to #52 - cowboyking (03/14/2014) [-]
I lol'd
#271 to #52 - camzore ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
#65 to #52 - makotoitou (03/14/2014) [-]
want sum fuk
#159 to #52 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#107 to #52 - scorpiom (03/14/2014) [-]
I can just imagine the ****** smell.
#80 to #52 - DontDeleteMeAgain (03/14/2014) [-]
jesus christ
User avatar #61 to #52 - damnfaithlessdogs (03/14/2014) [-]
Holy **** all those period ones...
That's seriously disgusting
#198 to #52 - manbearpiglet (03/14/2014) [-]
I like men now.
User avatar #54 to #52 - matamune (03/14/2014) [-]
You are glorious!
User avatar #286 to #52 - tripscausedthis ONLINE (03/14/2014) [-]
you're ****** up. what the **** is wrong with you.
User avatar #47 - TrashX (03/14/2014) [-]
Besides the penis related ones these are things that everybody does... not just men.
User avatar #66 to #47 - makotoitou (03/14/2014) [-]
Can women do the pee ones?
#121 to #47 - solideogloria (03/14/2014) [-]
They're all penis related ones; they're all about men.
User avatar #145 to #47 - niggledafiggle (03/14/2014) [-]
Not the nod... That cannot be taught.
#302 to #145 - hairibar (03/14/2014) [-]
What the hell is the nod? I'm not a native english speaker
#262 - mysticana (03/14/2014) [-]
20 Things that Women do that Men probably don't know about:   
   
 Apart from the dick ones, all of them. Boobs make your water containment unit much better.
20 Things that Women do that Men probably don't know about:

Apart from the dick ones, all of them. Boobs make your water containment unit much better.

#7 - jakatackka (03/13/2014) [-]
Wow, 19/20 - the only thing I don't do is sneeze in the shower. Almost half of these are things women do too.
#9 to #7 - John Cena (03/13/2014) [-]
You... wake up with morning wood and have trouble peeing because of it?
#17 to #9 - jakatackka (03/13/2014) [-]
Not very often, but yes. It's rather annoying.
#50 to #9 - hazelnutqt (03/14/2014) [-]
On the internet we learn to not judge people no matter what shape they come in friend!
On the internet we learn to not judge people no matter what shape they come in friend!
User avatar #78 to #9 - captainrattrap (03/14/2014) [-]
What? So you're saying you just bend your abnormally hard, unpleasant erection when you have to pee?

I honestly thought that one was the most standard.
#244 to #9 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Going anon - I am female, and I usually wake up so aroused that it's hard to pee even if I really have to go; it doesn't hurt at all, it's just like it won't come out well. I usually have to masturbate before I get up and then all is well.
#290 to #244 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
2 and possibly more of the people that thumbed this post are female... is this a common thing?
#336 to #290 - John Cena (03/15/2014) [-]
I suppose so. Your body has a sort of natural response to prevent accidental urinating during sex, especially considering urine is a spermicide. For males, it's the swelling of the prostate during arousal that blocks off the bladder. I'm not actually sure what anatomical part would cause the same thing for females though but I can guarantee you, it can and does happen. It kind of scared me when it first started but it really is only when I'm aroused; as soon as I take care of that, everything is back to normal. Then again, I usually masturbate to go to sleep and to wake up anyway. :$
User avatar #233 to #9 - lordmoldywart (03/14/2014) [-]
You are obviously a woman and do not understand the troubles of having a penis.
#83 to #9 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
Almost, not all. Dumbass.
#141 to #9 - John Cena (03/14/2014) [-]
******* always.
User avatar #5 - stultum (03/13/2014) [-]
2, 3, 10, 11, 14, 15, 17, 18 are done by women too. This one, anyway.
User avatar #305 to #5 - ergexgo (03/14/2014) [-]
there are no women on funnyjunk, you lie
User avatar #26 to #5 - walala (03/13/2014) [-]
girls dont poop
User avatar #185 to #26 - stultum (03/14/2014) [-]
What do we do then? vomit up owl pellets?
User avatar #332 to #185 - walala (03/14/2014) [-]
dont you?
User avatar #312 - Ddubber (03/14/2014) [-]
-You will give a head nod UP towards someone you know


-You will give a head nod DOWN to another man you do not know

User avatar #317 to #312 - finnjevel (03/14/2014) [-]
And a nod UP is used when greeting someone, as when a nod DOWN is simply just THE Nod.
#304 - abnthug (03/14/2014) [-]
4-9 and 12-20
4-9 and 12-20


#191 - MikeDaBAMF (03/14/2014) [-]
I can gladly say as a man I did them all. I'm not even ashamed
User avatar #67 - thebacondroid (03/14/2014) [-]
All except 8 and 10
User avatar #73 to #67 - moonboon (03/14/2014) [-]
Leis! Dirty, Filthy LIES!
#74 to #73 - thebacondroid (03/14/2014) [-]
It's all true
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