I wish I had a friend like this. i'd need a friend to text though . 11 Dec 201211: 17 Someone offers you fll million, but you have to punch a baby in the face.  I wish had a friend like this i'd need to text though 11 Dec 201211: 17 Someone offers you fll million but have punch baby in the face
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I wish I had a friend like this

I wish I had a friend like this. i'd need a friend to text though . 11 Dec 201211: 17 Someone offers you fll million, but you have to punch a baby in the face.

i'd need a friend to text though

11 Dec 201211: 17
Someone offers you fll
million, but you have to
punch a baby in the face.
Also, they tell you it' s an
evil baby. It' s got big thick
eyebrows and a frown. Do
you do it?
23 Nov 2012 13: 42
You know how normally,
when you fart, your own
farts don' t smell bad to
you? I just did a fart so
bad it made me cough
17 Nov 201212: 20
Sometimes while peeing
I' ll go hands free, put my
arms up by my chest and
make claw hands, and
pretend I' m a new type of
dinosaur called
Dickasaurus Rex
I read a tip a while back
about how if you need to
get a poo out, don' t push
real hard. Instead, just
rock back and forth on the
seat. Or try coughing. This
has changed my life. Both
of those things work
perfectly. Rocking back
and forth cradles the poo
out. Coughing, for some
reason, looses your anus
for a second. My pooping
experience has been
so Aug 2012 16: 59
There comes a time In
your last 2 weeks of work
when you just say "fuck it"
and change your email
signature to a picture of a
roaring grizzly bear
31 Jul 2012 14: 54
I' m so tired, I' m having
crazy thoughts. I just had
dialogue with 6. The
number 6. I was doing
some multiplication and in
my head I was saying, "6,
why are you so
unpredictable? Why are
you doing this to me?"
and I then thought, "6 isn' t
so bad, at least she' s got
round edges, unlike 7."
I want to create a virus for
the iphone where if you try
to dial a phone number
there are no numbers, just
a large M, and if you dial
that M, you get through to
someone who picks up
and says, "MONKEY
SPEAKING". Imagine that
the only calls you can
make are to dial M for
Monkey ,
19 Jul 2012 13: 57
I' m working out right now.
I' m exercising my eyebrow
muscles by raising them
high. Try it. You' ll be
14 Jul 2012 13: 55
Imagine playing bagpipes
on the bag of a dragon
I love how during WWY
when everyone was
fighting everyone else,
Spain was just like "fuck
you guys, we' re fighting
ourselves" and then loads
of Russians, Americans,
British, Italians, French
and German Inners just
joined to whichever side
and fought like hell. It was
like the hipster war of last
14 Jul 2012 12: 24
What if... black hitler?
I just googled "how to give
someone ennui" and there
were no results
I hope you get human
13 Jul 2012 16: 46
Imagine if you were
squeezing out a hard one,
and you sneezed. You
slam your body forward to
sneeze and your balls
swing backward. Your
poop squeezes out
simultaneously and
suddenly! Oh no. It has
happened. Your soft poop
caught your balls in the
beckoning. Imagine that
Chris. You' re an
imaginery. Imagine this
2012 15: 24
I just put my balls on my
phone, and if you asked
me why I did that, I really
wouldn' t be able to give
you an answer.
How long does it take to
shit your own body
weight? Assuming you
weigh 150 lbs, and you
poo .75 pounds a day, that
means that you shit your
own entire body weight
around once every 200
days. Imagine that Chris.
Imagine a big pile of poop,
the size of you, coming
out of your arse once or
twice a year.
2012 11: 23
Ages ago I forgot the word
put". I couldn' t work out
how it sounded, what it
meant, what context it was
used in. I Googled it and
was perplexed at my
findings - it was like
someone had muck a
word into my language
without my knowledge. I' m
still not confident in using
it and I think it should be
pronounced "pom", like
loot". Why did my brain
forget a word?
28 Jun : 27
You know how in
Schindler' s List, they all
just spoke English but with
a German accent? is that
what Germans do when
Germans make films set in
England? Just have a
bunch of Germans
speaking German with an
English accent? ,
25 Jun :
Somewhere, someone is
having their eyes gouged
25 Jun 2012 08: 36
There' s a fruit smoothie in
the kitchen with your name
on it.
P. S. it doesn' t actually
have your name on it... it' s
just a plain glass. It' s the
plain glass with smoothie
in it. It' s in plain sight. It' d
be hard to miss it. If you
missed it, I' ll send you
further directions.
7 May 201215: 02
On a coach from 2
to - about 20
miles outside of
recognised a very nice
portion of meandering
river and grassy banks.
Then I realised, that if I' d
been taken this journey 2
years ago, I' d have seen
myself getting a handjob in
a canoe
Views: 51421 Submitted: 12/01/2013
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User avatar #1 - theturtletorres
Reply +386 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
Reply to him, you cunt.
#17 to #1 - gombonator
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
What the hell do you reply to messages like that...
User avatar #21 to #17 - zhayce
Reply +15 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
"Who the **** are you and how did you get my number?"
User avatar #69 to #1 - yojo
Reply +4 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
as I was scrolling I wondered if someone else would say what I said last time this was posted. I remember it for being my most thumbed comment.
User avatar #105 to #69 - pedrophile
Reply -4 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
No one cares
User avatar #106 to #105 - yojo
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
I care
User avatar #107 to #106 - pedrophile
Reply -5 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
no one
User avatar #43 to #1 - Ripper
Reply +14 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
I think it is put together with the replies cut out.
#8 - vandettamask
Reply +169 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
MF before reading done the first message
MF before reading done the first message
#30 - iveseensomethings
Reply +80 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
#34 - richhobo
Reply +52 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
>Would you punch a baby for money   
Implying I don't do it for free already.
>Would you punch a baby for money

Implying I don't do it for free already.
#40 to #34 - hulonation
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
you dont
#101 to #34 - yaybacon
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#64 - Bacula
Reply +31 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
Comment Picture
#111 - skypatrol
Reply +16 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
All of you cunts when you read it.
All of you cunts when you read it.
#132 to #111 - vatra
Reply +3 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
You win this round.
You win this round.
#53 - whydoesthishappen
Reply -3 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
what the **** is that?
shouldn't it be $?
on the first one
User avatar #55 to #53 - mechaemperor
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
#56 to #53 - emosadpanda
0 123456789123345869
has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #59 to #53 - ningenpoop
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
it's a lb
User avatar #54 to #53 - godqueso
Reply +15 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
no its real it is called un'merican and should be destroyed
#66 - slowbroking
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
I'd totally punch an evil baby in the face.
User avatar #26 - jokersaysamuseme
Reply +11 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
And that's how I flirt with women.
User avatar #29 to #26 - betta
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
That's how we all flirt with woman.
User avatar #16 - snearox
Reply +10 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
User avatar #18 to #16 - timymeboy [OP]
Reply 0 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
never said it was mine lol
User avatar #19 to #18 - starzero
Reply +5 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
I think he meant that the title of this text comp is titled "I hate my friend" and yours is " I wish I had a dick" . He hate to have a friend like this and you love it. Just like cocks. Hence the two type of people comment. You're a faggot.
#32 to #19 - timymeboy [OP]
Reply +2 123456789123345869
(12/01/2013) [-]
User avatar #78 to #32 - snearox
Reply +1 123456789123345869
(12/02/2013) [-]
He's right. I found it hilarious, I like reposts.