I can relate to this. 14. .. That's how i felt about 5 seconds ago
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#78 - azsdcfbhnj (06/18/2014) [+] (11 replies)
stickied by xxangelisxx
>Be me
>22 years old and 320 pounds.
>Fapping to pony's as usual
>Mom walks in
>Not so bad because she knows i fap and can usually hear it, she turns on a fan to drown out the sound when i start
>Finish
>Mom reminds me to wash my hands
>Go to the bathroom
>Come out to see her looking at my Twilight Sparkle scat porn.
>Feel so embarrassed that only my Waifu can save me
>Shove hand into anus with the dexterity of an Olympic gymnast and rip out my Twilight Sparkle Plush
>"SAVE ME MY LOVE"
>Nothing happens
>Run past my mom and climb into my tree fort and cry for the rest of the night.
#3 - enteroreninenine (06/18/2014) [+] (31 replies)
That's how i felt about 5 seconds ago
That's how i felt about 5 seconds ago
#38 - elmilius ONLINE (06/18/2014) [+] (4 replies)
I had one of those recently. Me and my cousin used to do sketches and 			****		 on film.One night we decided to do something that included more violence than others. I think it had something to do with Resident Evil, because we had just finished playing RE4. Pretty lame stuff when I look back really. That's not the point anyways. One of the scenes was him tackling him and pinning me on the ground and stabbing me. To make it more realistic, we took a real knife and I put on one of those chest protectors you use for martial arts. I tries cutting through it once and it wasn't easy. So I told him "this needs to look realistic so don't hold back, do it as if you really wanted to stab me, it won't go through" of course out of fear he held back.   
Years later found that chest piece and the knife we used for scene in the deep ends of my closet. Out of curiosity I tried to stab it.   
They knife went through it like 			*******		 butter. He actually could have stabbed me. Thank 			****		 he held back. And holy 			****		 am I a retard.
I had one of those recently. Me and my cousin used to do sketches and **** on film.One night we decided to do something that included more violence than others. I think it had something to do with Resident Evil, because we had just finished playing RE4. Pretty lame stuff when I look back really. That's not the point anyways. One of the scenes was him tackling him and pinning me on the ground and stabbing me. To make it more realistic, we took a real knife and I put on one of those chest protectors you use for martial arts. I tries cutting through it once and it wasn't easy. So I told him "this needs to look realistic so don't hold back, do it as if you really wanted to stab me, it won't go through" of course out of fear he held back.
Years later found that chest piece and the knife we used for scene in the deep ends of my closet. Out of curiosity I tried to stab it.
They knife went through it like ******* butter. He actually could have stabbed me. Thank **** he held back. And holy **** am I a retard.
#6 - waffies ONLINE (06/18/2014) [+] (16 replies)
I actually have one of those stories that involves a girls parent saying "Get out of my house"   
   
And now i'm reliving it.    
   
Such shame I shall never know again.
I actually have one of those stories that involves a girls parent saying "Get out of my house"

And now i'm reliving it.

Such shame I shall never know again.
#11 to #9 - waffies ONLINE (06/18/2014) [-]
From senior year of high school into my first year of college, i had an on-and-off girlfriend (Femanon, for the sake of storytelling). (I almost typed up a massive exposition explaining our relationship, before i realized that's not the goal here.)   
   
She and I were often intimate without ever going all the way. Learning the ropes as it were, including a few moments of passion that nearly got out of hand, before one of us would realize we weren't ready or so on.   
   
SO ONE DAY when we werent dating or even being intimate, flirtations on skype get out of hand, i mention that nobody was home at my house for a few days, tried to convince her to come over. She dodged around it for a while then says that nobody was at HER house either, just for that night and the next day, and invited me over there instead.   
   
Well my common sense went out the window, and i drove 45 minutes to the next town to see her. Snogging and stripping of clothes proceded, and the vague beginnings of something intimate (many intimate noises were had at the least)... and then.....   
   
"Femanon?.... what are you...."   
*Mom steps in to dark room*   
   
The following bit is a bit hazy. She gasped, covered her mouth, kinda reeled in shock. Femanon and I sprung apart, she covered herself up, i just kinda looked down in shame. And then slowly, OMINOUSLY AS HELL:    
   
*Mom raises hand, points a single finger at the door*   
"Get out of my house"   
   
I leapt for my clothes and things, pulled pants on, made some attempt at placing the blame on myself (I knew Femanon was in more trouble than I could possibly be, my parents were quite chill after i told them) and went out the front door before bothering with shoes or shirt or such. Heard some yelling on the way out, got a text from Femanon saying "i'm so sorry", and i made some reply or another, and was back to my car before i realized i had left my glasses inside. Drove 45 minutes in the dark hardly seeing 			****		, warned parents: "prepare for angry calls from Femanon's parents"
From senior year of high school into my first year of college, i had an on-and-off girlfriend (Femanon, for the sake of storytelling). (I almost typed up a massive exposition explaining our relationship, before i realized that's not the goal here.)

She and I were often intimate without ever going all the way. Learning the ropes as it were, including a few moments of passion that nearly got out of hand, before one of us would realize we weren't ready or so on.

SO ONE DAY when we werent dating or even being intimate, flirtations on skype get out of hand, i mention that nobody was home at my house for a few days, tried to convince her to come over. She dodged around it for a while then says that nobody was at HER house either, just for that night and the next day, and invited me over there instead.

Well my common sense went out the window, and i drove 45 minutes to the next town to see her. Snogging and stripping of clothes proceded, and the vague beginnings of something intimate (many intimate noises were had at the least)... and then.....

"Femanon?.... what are you...."
*Mom steps in to dark room*

The following bit is a bit hazy. She gasped, covered her mouth, kinda reeled in shock. Femanon and I sprung apart, she covered herself up, i just kinda looked down in shame. And then slowly, OMINOUSLY AS HELL:

*Mom raises hand, points a single finger at the door*
"Get out of my house"

I leapt for my clothes and things, pulled pants on, made some attempt at placing the blame on myself (I knew Femanon was in more trouble than I could possibly be, my parents were quite chill after i told them) and went out the front door before bothering with shoes or shirt or such. Heard some yelling on the way out, got a text from Femanon saying "i'm so sorry", and i made some reply or another, and was back to my car before i realized i had left my glasses inside. Drove 45 minutes in the dark hardly seeing **** , warned parents: "prepare for angry calls from Femanon's parents"
#101 - putindispencerhere (06/18/2014) [+] (1 reply)
>Be me, age 20
>Go to small party with a few friends
>The day before, I had seen my dog chewing my handgun (I'm idiot, I know, but it was at least the safety was on)
>Took a picture to use as an icebreaker at the party
>Go to party
>After a while with introductions, I try to tell them how my dog was chewing my gun and it looked like he was trying to cock it
>My words get jumbled and I say, "I cocked my dog"
>All eyes on me
>Want to walk out and kill myself
>mfw
#64 - tragickingdom (06/18/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Storytime

I got a cellphone when i was 9 only because my parents were gonna start working a lot and i would be traveling to school by myself. It was a cheap LG. Anyway I thought I was cool by downloading those recorded voicemail messages so I did. I also thought that the voicemail would dissapear when i got a new phone. I was wrong. But I didn't know i was wrong. I'm 19 now and for 10 years nobody has mentioned to me that my voicemail needs to be changed. A little while ago I applied for a job. Nothing special. just a local job.


MFW the boss calls me, I miss the call, and he hears "Hey Garfield Here, start talking when you hear the beep. If you sound interesting, someone might pick up the phone. But I wouldn't count on it."
#98 - ohlookathing (06/18/2014) [+] (2 replies)
>Be me a couple of years ago
>Come home from college on break
>Nothing to do
>No one at home
>Go into my room on 3rd floor of townhouse
>Open up windows
>Go on bed
>Unzip pants
>Do things
>Finish
>Clean up
>Leave house to go places
>Realize something
>It’s townhouse repainting day
>Look up
>See painters on ladders
>Right outside of my window
#8 - anonymous (06/18/2014) [+] (3 replies)
The following is a conversation I had with a girl I was kind of friends with in 9th grade and her friends. G = Girl. F= Her Friends.
G: "When I get home i'm gonna pet my cat." *Everyone Erupts with Laughter*
ME: "Why is that funny?" G: "When I get home i'm going to PET my CAT."
ME: "Yes, I heard you the first time." F: "Listen Closely..when she gets home she's going to PET her CAT. ME: "I can see you guys like repeating yourselves."
G: "When I get home i'm gonna pet my cat...whats another word for a cat?"
ME: "OOOOOOOOOOOH"
Over hearing our teacher asks "what are you guys talking about."
ME: "WHEN KATIE GETS HOME SHE'S GOING TO PET HER PUSSY CAT"
I never talked to them again and I still cringe at this thought.
User avatar #21 to #8 - tsoper (06/18/2014) [-]
thats not cringe, thats alpha as ****
#46 - DJMartin (06/18/2014) [+] (2 replies)
I too, can relate.
I too, can relate.
#43 - envinite ONLINE (06/18/2014) [-]
*incoming self-cringe*   
"Okay, don't think about it, don't think about it"   
*Take a deep breath, close eyes*   
   
Tfw the cringe drops
*incoming self-cringe*
"Okay, don't think about it, don't think about it"
*Take a deep breath, close eyes*

Tfw the cringe drops
#61 - saltyfries (06/18/2014) [+] (2 replies)
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME MORE OFTEN THAN IT SHOULD!   I seriously get these damn thoughts like every hour, no reason, every hour my brain says,"hey remember that thing you did in 8th grade?" NO 			****		 YOU BRAIN I DON"T WANNA REMEMBER THAT 			****		!
THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME MORE OFTEN THAN IT SHOULD! I seriously get these damn thoughts like every hour, no reason, every hour my brain says,"hey remember that thing you did in 8th grade?" NO **** YOU BRAIN I DON"T WANNA REMEMBER THAT **** !
User avatar #96 - tombobbusama (06/18/2014) [+] (5 replies)
"Hey dude, remember that time you wanted to know what your **** looked like so you shat in a toy frying pan to look at it but it got stuck and you had to spent twenty minutes washing it out of the sink and your mum called and asked why you and your best friend had been in there so long?"

Wow thanks brain...
#16 - urapooper (06/18/2014) [+] (2 replies)
When I remember something embarrassing I would randomly make a noise until it goes away.
#4 - fancyrockdude (06/18/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#131 - minntas (06/18/2014) [-]
I took a **** and smeared it on my school in 7th grade cuz I thought I was being radical, someone saw and everyone in school made fun of me and my gf left me
#75 - kuupuuchan (06/18/2014) [-]
Sometimes it happens right before you go to sleep too   
 I just try to suppress it with other, happier memories - Preferably ones where i'm not acting like a 			*******		 asparagus.
Sometimes it happens right before you go to sleep too
I just try to suppress it with other, happier memories - Preferably ones where i'm not acting like a ******* asparagus.
#55 - chasboh (06/18/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I wish there was something I could do to prevent it, but it's impossible.
I have physically harmed myself because of self cringe on multiple occasions.
User avatar #53 - trevcars (06/18/2014) [-]
I don't think i've ever related to something as much as I can relate to this. Wow.
#44 - xcoreyx (06/18/2014) [+] (8 replies)
> be me, about a month ago
> so beta i'm omega
> at starbucks
> see 8/10 asian qt p
> sitting quietly by herself doing homework or some ****
> try to come up with some excuse to talk to her
> pull a pen out of my pocket, ask her for a spare piece of paper
> she smiles and says sure, gives me one
> say thanks, go back to my seat
> start writing ****
> catch her eye a few times over the next hour
> we both smile
> she must want the d

this is where it gets bad
> no idea how to ask out someone i've just met
> decide the best course of action is to tear off a piece of the paper and write my number on it
> what the hell man
> walk up to her again
> set the paper with my number down in front of her
> "thanks for the paper"
> speedwalk out to my car

I cringe so hard when I think of this. I hope she at least had a good laugh at my existence.
#66 to #65 - alexjonez (06/18/2014) [-]
>pen fails
>she gives me her pen
>shewantsit.png (i feel good knowing she wants to get to know me)
>write it down
>here you go
>she asks if i have whatsapp, say yes and she continues saying she only opens it at night
>realize i wrote it incorrectly a minute later

>wait everyday for her to text me
>nothing
>cringe everyday because I didn't get her number, or her name for that matter.
User avatar #45 - mentlgen ONLINE (06/18/2014) [-]
I have this **** all the time.
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