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How to steak.

Tags: Steak
MAN TIP #2
GRILLING en. -wits
WHY?
BECAUSE IF You _ KNOW HUM
YOU ARE REQUIRED To TURN w YOU)? MAN CARD.
MINT BE A VICTIM.
FIRM UP: THE MM
as KNOWS Hi_ sat: H
o; WHAT You rower
WHAT ABOUT THE REST’
THESE ARE FOR MANLY MEN
THE REST ARE FOR LADY MEN
i IMP, OPTIONS?
HEAVEN meme
TIN
WHILE PRIME IS LIKE A NAKED SUPERMODEL.
DRY AGED PRIME BEEF IS UKE A NAKED ORGY.
PRIME RIB IS A cur. NOT RIB THAT is RATED PRIME.
WHAT You ARE LOOKING FOR IS PRIME PRIME RIB.
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NEVER MM/ S BEST FRIENDS.
MAY You Rm w HELL it You Do EITHER EVER.
PREP TIME
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HOW HOT WOULD THE GRILL BE?
IT DEPENDS ON THE DONENESS OF THE STEAK.
THE MORE moan, THE LOWER THE TEMP.
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BLUE RARE
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MEDIUM RARE
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USING THIS DIV 'A s,' shts' rsi' is A CRIME AGAINST HUMAN
FINAL
THERE' S Too MUCH STUFF HERE To Do THE
SMART? PANTS NOTES COVERING ADDITIONAL DETAILS.
FEEL FREE To ASK DIGESTIONS w COMMENTS UR MESSAGING
ME IF I MISS THE COMMENT.
THERE' S ALWAYS anew Too.
...
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Views: 25208
Favorited: 333
Submitted: 07/03/2014
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Comments(163):

[ 163 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#156 - penileburglar (07/04/2014) [-]
stickied by reindeerflotilla
Jesus how is it possible that so many people didn't realize that this is partially satirical?    
   
Lines like 'A more manly version of sprinkling' and 'you should be treated as a terrorist' really should make it obvious.   
   
I rather enjoyed this.  Some good humor about how anal some people are about their 'manly steak' mixed in with some actually damn good advice on how to make steak (many people don't do basic things like let the steak rest before cooking it, salting it properly, or letting it rest after it cooks.)
Jesus how is it possible that so many people didn't realize that this is partially satirical?

Lines like 'A more manly version of sprinkling' and 'you should be treated as a terrorist' really should make it obvious.

I rather enjoyed this. Some good humor about how anal some people are about their 'manly steak' mixed in with some actually damn good advice on how to make steak (many people don't do basic things like let the steak rest before cooking it, salting it properly, or letting it rest after it cooks.)
#35 - irepostcomments (07/03/2014) [+] (1 reply)
time to go microwave a steak and cover it in steak sauce because this guys a cunt
#16 - Steinwolf (07/03/2014) [+] (2 replies)
>Crime against humanity   
>Not making your own mushroom or peppercorn sauce   
>			******		 pleb
>Crime against humanity
>Not making your own mushroom or peppercorn sauce
> ****** pleb
#17 - widar (07/03/2014) [+] (4 replies)
Well alright, it does look like a pretty good way of maing steak. Good meat and all. But acting like your way is the one and only way of eating steak is arrogant and pissed me off. I for example don't really like to put oil on my steak and while I usually don't use sauce, sometimes I like eating my steak with some sauce. There's more than one way to make a good steak.
Well alright, it does look like a pretty good way of maing steak. Good meat and all. But acting like your way is the one and only way of eating steak is arrogant and pissed me off. I for example don't really like to put oil on my steak and while I usually don't use sauce, sometimes I like eating my steak with some sauce. There's more than one way to make a good steak.
#43 - aproudpatriot (07/03/2014) [-]
Seeing how my fundamental rule of being a man is to not be a pushover and to not do everything everyone tells me, I'm going to say **** you OP, I'm going to eat my steak anyway that I want to. And there is not a damn thing you can do to stop me
#25 - hedman (07/03/2014) [-]
>Ask Guy at counter for USDA Prime   
"Sir this is South Africa"   
>Panic   
>Instructions not clear as to what I do now   
>MFW
>Ask Guy at counter for USDA Prime
"Sir this is South Africa"
>Panic
>Instructions not clear as to what I do now
>MFW
#41 - sheldonthorpe (07/03/2014) [-]
Or just let people eat and cook their steaks as they like
#32 - thechosentroll (07/03/2014) [-]
Or I could make it however the 			****		 I want, because I'm a grownass man with his own taste. If I'm cooking, I'm doing it my way.
Or I could make it however the **** I want, because I'm a grownass man with his own taste. If I'm cooking, I'm doing it my way.
User avatar #4 - poutinesalad (07/03/2014) [+] (16 replies)
Blue rare, or rare. If you eat a steak well done, I am one wrong word of slapping your whore mouth.
User avatar #74 - lolollo (07/04/2014) [-]
The ironic thing is anyone who'd seriously take this advice would have to turn in their man card for letting someone else dictate their behavior.
#62 - xcoreyx (07/03/2014) [+] (3 replies)
Or just, you know, do it however the **** you want. Maybe some people don't like their meat seasoned, and maybe some prefer it with sauce. Who are you to say that anyone's preference is wrong or "unmanly"? Kinda ****** up. Although I have to say, I am impressed by the lack of "medium-rare is the only proper way to eat a steak and if you like it well-done then you can go die" mentality.
User avatar #78 - puredeliciousness (07/04/2014) [-]
Instructions unclear, sautéed my dick in a fine wine sauce.
User avatar #5 - jackmanagan (07/03/2014) [+] (1 reply)
i prefer pan fried

i splash it with vodka and a few of my own seasonings cover it and let the alcohol do its work

Keeps meat tender even if cooked well done.

and keeps a ever so mild taste of vodka.
so dont buy cheap ****

plus no grill hassle
double plus it takes like 6 minutes to cook

sauce: cook for 10 years
#130 - miltorky ONLINE (07/04/2014) [-]
Sorry but a marinade can make a bad steak good, and a good steak great. While I personally think a good steak doesn't necessarily require a sauce, if someone wants 			*******		 sauce then that is their prerogative.
Sorry but a marinade can make a bad steak good, and a good steak great. While I personally think a good steak doesn't necessarily require a sauce, if someone wants ******* sauce then that is their prerogative.
#12 - angelwithashotgun (07/03/2014) [-]
What if I happen to like the taste of seasoned food?
What if I happen to like the taste of seasoned food?
User avatar #88 - neokun (07/04/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Should I have a steak? I've never had a steak.
User avatar #103 to #88 - champaigne (07/04/2014) [-]
Yes.
#79 - Jesusnipples ONLINE (07/04/2014) [+] (2 replies)
These tips are accurate and all but here's another one because **** the whole "toppings are for pussies" thing
One really reliable way to make a ******* awesome steak (or just meat in general, this is pretty good on chicken) that I've found is to add:
-Ground black pepper
-Salt
-Garlic salt
-Cumin

Work that **** into the meat, grill that **** to about medium - medium well, then insert it into your mouth hole. ******* yummy as **** .
#65 - dargent (07/04/2014) [-]
Apparently spices are to much for OP to handle.
User avatar #49 - Schadenfreude ONLINE (07/03/2014) [-]
I hate how "manly man" people think that simple is always better. Salt is good, pepper is good but that's how I cook meat over a fire while backpacking (those rare times I catch something).

Before you flip your **** over sauces, try putting time into making a nice béarnaise sauce, and spoon a bit over your steak just before cutting it up. Just once. I promise it won't compromise your manliness. Which, incidentally, has nothing to do with your methods of meat preparation.
#48 - angelwithashotgun (07/03/2014) [-]
If I ever have you over for diner, ill make your steak rare

So bud the **** out of how I prefer to enjoy my meals
User avatar #6 - cuntism (07/03/2014) [+] (3 replies)
It's not a definitive guide as people like different textures, however you should only add salt during cooking, on the side after turning it, as the salt draws out moisture and can dry out a steak, especially if you prefer it more well done
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