My grammar and english is kinda atrocious, so fair warning, pic is slightly relevant.
Im a heavily depressed person, and i have social anxiety and terrible social skills. You could say i might be very autistic with it. Here im a very heavy lurker, spend my time between games and anything. Last month i was working my third job since high school(graduated last year). None of which lasted longer than 3 months, due to me having mental breakdowns. My third one was the worst breakdown i had, i literally was ready to kill myself later that day. I really wanted to, but i guess i had the need to inform my mom with a text while i was working during my break. I continued texting with her, and i left work early(my last job i worked at my local mejier store, supermarket, as receiving, unloading dry grocery and general merchandise) telling them i was feeling ill to work. I go home that day and talk to my mom, while my dad thought i was trying to weasel out of work(Plus hes old fashion and doesnt take my depression seriously).
I manage to go to my physicist the next day and discuss my current feelings. I also was seeing a crisis worker too due to my outcry. For the next week, i called off work for a medical leave and just was home, trying to feel better, getting visits from my clinic for mental illness and such, and going to visits. I generally felt a little better, i mostly cope with distractions, like my bionicles, video games or being around other people i like. As long as i didnt think about it, it wasnt a problem for me. But times like now, im in my burnout period for my game(i play warframe on pc) so i dont do much other than waste the day. the end of the week i left from work, i visited my psych, and with her seeing my current mental state, she had my quit my job. My dad was super pissed, were also a poor family too, we struggle a bit but manage to get by(my dad is also the main source of income in the house). I was supposed to be paying my dad a 100 a month living home, and pay for my cell phone. My mom decided that she use her allowance to pay for rent. So, me staying home, i was to be more active in my house, doing more cleaning, being outside of my room with my family, and walking the dog with my mom.
At first, it was going kinda good, till my mood started to drop. I very much hate leaving outside of my house(sometimes my room), to go do something i dont enjoy. I dont also like spending time with my family all the much, especially if im doing something i find a waste of my time. Im also a kinda a chubby dude, im 313lbs, 6' ft, so im not fond of excising. From last week, my mood had also dwindled alot, because im burnt out of warframe, and i cant manage to hangout with the few friends i have.
I guess today i felt really weird, i feel ick but i feel more inclined to do much chores around the house. But being on here, i just looked at my bionicle stuff some more and felt kinda a mood rush. Started posting some stuff too. I dont know what really made me want to make this post and what not. I dont care for thumbs either, if this sinks into the newest uploads or goes somewhere. Feel free to comment, and/or msg me if you want, but if you read this, thank you for your time
