Having trouble sleeping? Just read these. .. "Dad, there's someone on my bed" "Gregory, I know you hate having to share a room with your brother, but he does have a name."
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Comments(336):

[ 336 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#27 - bitchesbanthymine (03/04/2014) [-]
Man, I hate having lesbian parents.
User avatar #38 to #27 - mrawesomepotato (03/04/2014) [-]
10/10
User avatar #3 - rikter (03/04/2014) [-]
"Dad, there's someone on my bed"
"Gregory, I know you hate having to share a room with your brother, but he does have a name."
User avatar #307 to #3 - hydraetis (03/05/2014) [-]
Sir, that was brilliant.
#67 - seniorawesomesauce ONLINE (03/04/2014) [-]
"Honey, there's an intruder in the house!"
"Honey, there's an intruder in the house!"
0
#237 to #67 - weirdojones has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #323 to #67 - ttttttttttttttt (03/05/2014) [-]
Toombled
down
User avatar #324 to #323 - ocanom (03/05/2014) [-]
u didnt toomble
User avatar #325 to #324 - NutHut (03/05/2014) [-]
>check thumb distribution
>literally no red toombie

You are both liars.
User avatar #328 to #325 - ocanom (03/06/2014) [-]
u wana go
User avatar #329 to #328 - NutHut (03/06/2014) [-]
no pls
#32 - badmonkey ONLINE (03/04/2014) [-]
"It's 3am for Christ's sake! Shut the **** up and go to sleep!"
User avatar #43 to #32 - xenoquack (03/04/2014) [-]
'Do I have to kill you again?'
#57 to #43 - tragickingdom (03/04/2014) [-]
Duuuuuuuuuuuddde.

#203 to #43 - furiousmarshmellow ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#188 to #43 - acunit (03/05/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#262 to #43 - thesinful (03/05/2014) [-]
I'm gonna be needing this
#31 - TATTYBOJANGLES (03/04/2014) [-]
But hey... Free baby.
User avatar #238 to #31 - weirdojones (03/05/2014) [-]
babies are always free
#247 to #31 - John Cena (03/05/2014) [-]
There is no such thing as a free baby.
User avatar #197 to #31 - smokedmeatlog (03/05/2014) [-]
I love midnight snacks.
User avatar #26 - BmanX (03/04/2014) [-]
Took me a few stories to realize they're not all linked.
#63 to #26 - threeofclubs (03/04/2014) [-]
"This is really hard to follow."
#122 - sscuba ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
You think these are scary!!

Try this one then (pic related)
#189 to #122 - kingpongthedon (03/05/2014) [-]
I think I finally figured it out. It's one of those lateral thinking puzzles. Mom was phone.
#194 to #189 - John Cena (03/05/2014) [-]
Yes.
User avatar #54 - fargtwo (03/04/2014) [-]
"Fargtwo, why do you carry so many knives? Surely you only need one!"

When I find that damn hand on the light switch I intend to stab it. When I find a spooky in my bed I intend to stab it. When I hear a voice in an empty room, I intend to ******* stab it. What I do not intend to do is ever run out of knives.
User avatar #199 to #54 - lillpip (03/05/2014) [-]
"You can never have too many knives" - Logen Ninefingers
User avatar #222 to #54 - rokkarokkaali ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
When I find my son under the bed I need to stab it.
User avatar #120 to #54 - commontroll (03/05/2014) [-]
Agreed. Mister Stabbs and Mister Booms make the spookies go away.
#148 to #54 - ducknoise (03/05/2014) [-]
Sidenote: knives are now one-time-use only.
#114 to #54 - arenaferox ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
"a spooky"
#53 - MasterManiac (03/04/2014) [-]
3spoopy5me
3spoopy5me
User avatar #21 - CrabFace (03/04/2014) [-]
Don't look behind you, it'll get angry.
User avatar #55 to #21 - hoponthefeelstrain ONLINE (03/04/2014) [-]
what movie is that line from?
#84 to #21 - John Cena (03/04/2014) [-]
Hey don't call my sister an it!
User avatar #115 to #21 - commontroll (03/05/2014) [-]
What if I just tickle it with my feet?
User avatar #130 to #115 - CrabFace (03/05/2014) [-]
It'll probably suck your dick. I suggest trying it out.
User avatar #133 to #130 - commontroll (03/05/2014) [-]
Instructions were not clear enough. Made eye contact and it gobbled my knob.
#245 to #21 - hackhazardly ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
I'm behind you, Toby. I'm right behind you. Don't look. Don't look at me. One look and you will die. I'm reaching out, Toby. I'm so close. Don't turn around. Oh, I can touch you
User avatar #59 to #21 - thefogwoggler (03/04/2014) [-]
the wall?
User avatar #136 to #21 - newtamalego (03/05/2014) [-]
I sit against the wall, in my laptop and every time I see something saying turn around I always have to, even though I can feel the wall behind me.
User avatar #232 to #21 - thatawesomesexyguy ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
After 3 minutes of awkwardly flailing my arm behind me and feeling nothing, I still don't feel safe turning around
User avatar #62 to #21 - hiken (03/04/2014) [-]
Awesome, now my closet is even... more angry with me.
#128 to #21 - John Cena (03/05/2014) [-]
**** you. the window.
User avatar #19 - snakephallus (03/04/2014) [-]
That ******* ingrate, someone went through the trouble of stuffing his dead child and girlfriend and delivering it to him. Then he has a ******* problem.
User avatar #146 to #19 - mayhemtuesday (03/05/2014) [-]
that part gave me ****** chills man...
User avatar #235 to #19 - rsca (03/05/2014) [-]
It's what happens when you don't pay the funeral bill and miss a couple payments. Aaand I'm going to hell.
#47 - ashedust (03/04/2014) [-]
Whelp...   
   
Just... whelp
Whelp...

Just... whelp
#64 to #47 - leobreacker (03/04/2014) [-]
I needed that luagh, hahahahah
User avatar #4 - pokemonstheshiz (03/04/2014) [-]
knock knock
a skeleton popped out
User avatar #212 to #4 - metacobalion ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
3spoopy5me
User avatar #113 to #4 - perform (03/05/2014) [-]
no

yes
User avatar #45 to #4 - stealingbikes ONLINE (03/04/2014) [-]
anthen ther wuz all tha blood
#141 - ompalomper (03/05/2014) [-]
why do i keep finding this kind of **** right before bed?
#158 to #141 - DarthAwesome (03/05/2014) [-]
But it's ok...i didn't want to sleep tonight anyway....+shudders*
#151 to #141 - DrPeppir (03/05/2014) [-]
Same here.
Now I have to turn on all the lights before I walk down the hall and stare straight ahead so I dont look in the rooms in the hall with all the lights off in them. Doesn't help that theres a mirror at the end of the hall. Then I'll close my closet and bathroom door and the blinds.

Guess I'll be playing Planetside 2 for the next 3 hours so i might forget.
#58 - kaarvaag (03/04/2014) [-]
"I never go to sleep, but I keep waking up" Really spoke to me. As a former addict, thinking back to a part in my life where that was real, and that was really something that happened for a long time, that's just absolutely 			*******		 terrifying.
"I never go to sleep, but I keep waking up" Really spoke to me. As a former addict, thinking back to a part in my life where that was real, and that was really something that happened for a long time, that's just absolutely ******* terrifying.
#280 to #58 - warumo (03/05/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
User avatar #244 to #58 - garymotherfingoak ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
ouch.. well at least it's over now.
User avatar #52 - annoyingsmartguy (03/04/2014) [-]
One time, something scary happened and I got scared. It was scary.
User avatar #224 to #52 - rokkarokkaali ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
Take this **** to morbid channel for ***** sake
#87 - hewhoepicfails (03/04/2014) [-]
It took her 2 years to tell her husband that the intruder who killed her is in the house? What a slow bitch.
#186 - jalthelas (03/05/2014) [-]
"I sleep sound knowing my extensive dildo collection is safe in my closet. The fact that I live alone and found one I didn't buy laying on my bed unsettles me." - OP
User avatar #229 to #186 - garaichu (03/05/2014) [-]
Thanks dude, I honestly needed that.
****** overactive imagination.
#190 to #186 - lissblizz (03/05/2014) [-]
good one
good one
#2 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
the one about the mom calling from downstairs...
i've heard it is quite a common thing...
i've also heard that whatever you do...do not go downstairs...
#5 to #2 - trevanman (03/04/2014) [-]
that....actually makes sense.

I wonder what happens if you do, though?
#6 to #5 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
dunno...never happened to me...and even if it did...why the heck would i go downstairs?
#7 to #6 - trevanman (03/04/2014) [-]
someone needs your help?
do bring a knife, though
#8 to #7 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
yes...let us go downstairs to get a knife, get back upstairs...and then go downstairs again!
#9 to #8 - trevanman (03/04/2014) [-]
I happen to have a swiss pocketknife in my room somewhere...
#10 to #9 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
also...the event tend to be classified as spiritual natured...
the knife probably won't do much good...
#11 to #10 - trevanman (03/04/2014) [-]
then I'm bringing a Bible, too!
yeah. I have a small collection of Bibles in my room....
#12 to #11 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
concidering the nature of spirits...that may actually work...
#13 to #12 - trevanman (03/04/2014) [-]
I wonder what will do a better job....
just the New Testament, or a complete Bible?
#14 to #13 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
wait...doesn't a complete bible include the new testament?
#15 to #14 - trevanman (03/04/2014) [-]
uh-huh.
I have a bunch of New Testaments

football Bible in German, English New Testament, Norwegian Bible, Dutch New Testament
#16 to #15 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
football bible?
#17 to #16 - trevanman (03/04/2014) [-]
my grandmother's sister (greataunt?) gave it to me in 2006. there was a World Championship Football going on back then in Germany.
#18 to #17 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
i think we are getting off track tho...
User avatar #49 to #18 - joper (03/04/2014) [-]
well if it is the same voice you maybe dealing with a shapeshifter stabbing it or schooting it with silver can kill it.
#272 to #49 - desacabose ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
So could I like, **** the shapeshifter if I kill it
#288 to #272 - chuayane (03/05/2014) [-]
or you know...try to befriend it and **** it without killing it...thereby you may convince it to have a more desired form...
User avatar #289 to #288 - desacabose ONLINE (03/05/2014) [-]
Can it shapeshift into a dead guy
#290 to #289 - chuayane (03/05/2014) [-]
let us see...
colder body temperature...yes...
gender alteration...yes...
pulse reducement...most likely...
not move an inch...bitch please, do you really need shapeshifting for that?
so pretty much, yes...
also...when you encounter it it will most likely have a more beastial form due to the fact that it didn't try to tempt you down for nothing...hunger most likely...
so using the shapeshifting...at least you can stay away from beastality...
or if beastality is your thing...it can shapeshift into that too...
#287 to #49 - chuayane (03/05/2014) [-]
lycans are the ones weak to silver...shapeshifters couldn't care less about what the weapon is made of...but you should aim for the brain...as soon as its brain is ****** , it can not use the brain to alter its form...thereby it can not shapeshift the wounds away...

also...since spirits is usually based upon fear and personal belief...it is to no suprise that it can imitate a voice you recognize... this is also why people tend to find their own religions items work nicely against spirits... also...they are concidered to be able to pass through your body...and some even take control of it...don't you think some would be highly able to cause mind games?
User avatar #20 to #2 - silverzepher ONLINE (03/04/2014) [-]
well the mother one was changed in this, she actually pulled the person into the room. it could be a mass(since it was effecting more than one person) auditory hallucination, or some really creepy burglar that went through the trouble of recording your mother calling you, and then bringing everything they would need to play the recording at a believable level to make you believe it was your mother.
#23 to #20 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
it was not changed...it is usually the mothers calling voice...and the mother usually hears it...
so it is the same ol'...to be honnest...3rd or 4th time i hear of such an event...each time...it was the mother...and each time...the mother herself heard it aswell...
#34 to #23 - John Cena (03/04/2014) [-]
the thing that changed is te mother grabbing them. its usually "i went to go downstairs but then i heard her voice from her room say "dont go down there i heard it too"
#41 to #34 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
now that i think about it...it is almost way to common...for such a odd event...
#36 to #2 - rublixcube (03/04/2014) [-]
But... What if the mother is the one downstairs?
#40 to #36 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
then you are dealing with a very skilled identity thief...
#24 to #2 - gangbangtime (03/04/2014) [-]
Lesbian mothers
Lesbian mothers
#25 to #24 - chuayane (03/04/2014) [-]
that is even creepier...not that i have anything about lesbians...but did they have to be my parents!?
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