Find someone with a Win9x PC
Open autoexec.bat in Notepad on their computer when they are not around, you should see something like this:
Change that line that says "win" to "****"
Drop this file (****.bat) into the C:\windows directory
Leave and wait several hours until Windows inevitably crashes and they reboot.
When they do reboot, their computer, instead of running windows, will scroll "**** you **** you **** you" forever.
Offer them a boot disk in exchange for a blowjob