Oh, you got rejected from art school and brooded like a little emo bitch until you got so pissed off you joined to hole in the wall political organization and then was elected to asshole in chief of Germany, got your ass beat in a war you all but had in the bag until you started taking meth and double crossed the one guy on Earth who was an even bigger bastard than you and then you committed suicide?
Bitch, I got exiled to the wilderness at age 9 after my father was murdered by goat ******* Tartars. I lived on berries, roots, and rabbits for five ******* years, and killed my own half brother for stealing from the group. I single handedly created a new tribe composed of other outcasts AS A TEENAGER, then kicked the **** out of every other tribe in Mongolia and forced them to join me, then I kicked the **** out of China and every other asshole country that had the balls to look down on me, and after I died (from a battle wound, not blowing out my brains like a total candy ass), my empire didn't go to **** like Alexanders did.
You think you invented the lightning war? ************ I was blitzkrieging 700 years before it was cool. I invented the concept of total war, and me and my peeps slaughtered more people than the number that died in the second World War. We killed so many ******* the world actually had a period of global cooling because of all the trees growing in the unused farmland. As far as causes of human death and suffering, the list goes: Malaria, Black Death, MY FACE. I countered myself though by banging so many bitches that in modern times I have over 36,000,000 direct descendants. I was the incarnated essence of both war and life. I had kings on three different continents pissing themselves at the very sound of my name, and my brood beat Russia IN WINTER.
Orson Scott Card wishes he could write a character as good at war as me.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself you intolerant half dick Napoleon wannabe.