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Fml

 
Fml. I dumped Palmela Handerson so I could have a threesome with Scarlett Johandson and Handy Moore. Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whac

I dumped Palmela Handerson so I could have a threesome with Scarlett Johandson and Handy Moore

Today, I came home to find
a sock I previously used to
whack off on my bed with
googly eyes and a mouth
drawn on it, with a note
that read, "Because you
can' t find a real girl, I made
your current one prettier,
Love Mom." FML
Posted by Anonymous on Fmylife. com
...
+453
Views: 21427
Favorited: 13
Submitted: 02/23/2014
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+4
User avatar #8 - Lainge (02/23/2014) [-]
Why the **** would anyone whack off into a sock of all things?
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+1
User avatar #11 to #8 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/23/2014) [-]
Because jizzing in a sock makes for easy cleanup.
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+10
User avatar #15 to #11 - spelly (02/24/2014) [-]
Why not just eat it? That's what my dad taught me to do when I was younger.
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+10
#31 to #15 - digitalpixel (02/24/2014) [-]
Don't think that would taste very good.
Don't think that would taste very good.
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+2
#40 to #31 - rdobet (02/24/2014) [-]
it tastes like.... goopy saltwater if you don't have anything in your diet severely affecting the flavor.
usually fruit makes it sweeter.
really kinda flavorless with a weird texture for the most part though.
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+3
User avatar #45 to #40 - thetom (02/24/2014) [-]
so i wanted to see what a blocked out word was and apparently if you're not logged in you cannot see the word saltwater.....
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+3
#46 to #45 - rdobet (02/24/2014) [-]
twat?
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0
User avatar #82 to #46 - thetom (02/25/2014) [-]
excuse me?
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+1
#83 to #82 - rdobet (02/26/2014) [-]
Sal-TWAT-er
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+1
User avatar #84 to #83 - thetom (02/26/2014) [-]
oh!! yea thats probably it
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0
#66 to #40 - digitalpixel (02/24/2014) [-]
I don't know what to do with that knowledge but thanks.
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+2
User avatar #35 to #31 - burningchimera ONLINE (02/24/2014) [-]
unless you eat pineapples
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+2
User avatar #33 to #15 - ugottanked (02/24/2014) [-]
wait wut
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+1
User avatar #43 to #11 - cptmctavish (02/24/2014) [-]
Just jack into condoms them... wtf guys.
1.) Easy Clean up
2,) everybody think you have a sex life
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0
User avatar #47 to #43 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
Yeah, but with that you have to either buy them or look for a place where they give condoms. Why do that when my drawer is full of socks?
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0
#55 to #47 - xtiggerx (02/24/2014) [-]
are you old enough to be worrying about condoms
are you old enough to be worrying about condoms
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+1
User avatar #79 to #55 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/25/2014) [-]
I've avoided acid for a few reasons
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+1
User avatar #80 to #79 - xtiggerx (02/25/2014) [-]
The only reason I have is because it stays in your system forever and the possibility of it being bad and getting caught in an everlasting trip.
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+1
User avatar #81 to #80 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/25/2014) [-]
Whenever I want a good time, I just take a few pain pills (because I need them) and take a few shots with a couple bowls. The acid flashbacks is one of the reasons I haven't dropped acid. The other is because I'm already crazy af so I can't imagine what I'd do on acid.
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+1
User avatar #85 to #81 - xtiggerx (02/26/2014) [-]
I'M SO SCARED TO TRIP ON ANYTHING BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL REACT



I think I'd be okay on DMT though, I hear it's like dreaming while you're awake.
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+1
User avatar #86 to #85 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/26/2014) [-]
It's about 100x better than that. And you can't/ don't really move anyway
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+1
User avatar #87 to #86 - xtiggerx (02/26/2014) [-]
The worst that can happen that I know of is that you can **** yourself or something lol
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+1
User avatar #56 to #55 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
After seeing the fj demo, I'm more than likely 5 years or more older than you
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+1
#57 to #56 - xtiggerx (02/24/2014) [-]
I'M OLD AS **** BRUH FITE ME





but I'm 19
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+1
User avatar #58 to #57 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
21 here
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+1
#59 to #58 - xtiggerx (02/24/2014) [-]
How's being a legal adult there old timer

pic absolutely unrelated but it makes me smile
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+1
User avatar #64 to #59 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
I get to drink legally now... that's really the only difference
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0
User avatar #65 to #64 - xtiggerx (02/24/2014) [-]
That's what it was for me when I turned 18, the day I did I walked home from school to the 7/11 and bought a grape swisher a lighter and a monster and felt like a badass for probably no less than a minute.
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+1
User avatar #67 to #65 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/25/2014) [-]
The biggest advantage to being 21 is just getting to have a beer at a sports bar with friends. Before I'd just have soda or water if we were in public...
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+1
#68 to #67 - xtiggerx (02/25/2014) [-]
I long for that opportunity. That and also marijuana is legal where I live when you're 21 and I anticipate myself to be a regular smoker. Again the gif is unrelated but drum cat **** yes
I long for that opportunity. That and also marijuana is legal where I live when you're 21 and I anticipate myself to be a regular smoker.



Again the gif is unrelated but drum cat **** yes
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+1
User avatar #70 to #68 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/25/2014) [-]
You lucky son of a bitch. I wish I could legally smoke weed for recreational purposes
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+1
#71 to #70 - xtiggerx (02/25/2014) [-]
Where are you located in this big wonderful world sir?
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+1
User avatar #72 to #71 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/25/2014) [-]
California, where weed is legal for medicinal purposes
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+1
#73 to #72 - xtiggerx (02/25/2014) [-]
Move to Colorado

Everything I've ever had here has been absolute one hitter quitter when you get it from the places I know of.
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0
User avatar #74 to #73 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/25/2014) [-]
Cali weed is really good too dude. I've had some insane DMT like trips. It also helps when you smoke out a gravity bong
0
#76 to #74 - mrgoodlove [OP] Comment deleted by mrgoodlove [-]
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0
User avatar #75 to #74 - xtiggerx (02/25/2014) [-]
Tool - Vicarious



I want to trip DMT and watch this video

>inb4 omfg tool is awful gross
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+1
User avatar #77 to #75 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/25/2014) [-]
While that was a trippy ass video, I've done DMT and you don't really see anything besides vivid hallucinations.
0
User avatar #78 to #77 - xtiggerx (02/25/2014) [-]
Have you dropped acid
0
#69 to #67 - mrgoodlove [OP] Comment deleted by mrgoodlove [-]
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0
#12 to #11 - anon (02/24/2014) [-]
just whack off onto some toilet paper/kitchen roll??
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0
#14 to #12 - anon (02/24/2014) [-]
Socks are reusable, and those aren't. And I beat off a lot. I mean a lot. If I did, I'd go through like 2 kitchen rolls/ 4 rolls of TP every two days.
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+3
#41 to #14 - rdobet (02/24/2014) [-]
you jizz like an elephant or something?
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0
User avatar #36 to #11 - doctorstein (02/24/2014) [-]
I just use my blanket, it's easy to clean.
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0
User avatar #38 to #36 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
Unless you wash your blanket every night, that's kinda nasty
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+1
User avatar #39 to #38 - doctorstein (02/24/2014) [-]
What I do is use parts tactically, making sure to use parts on each side I never use (I only use, like, half of my blankie). Then, after about a week, I bleach that ****** to hell.
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+1
#9 to #8 - thesimonved (02/23/2014) [-]
That's a good question son!
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+2
#52 to #8 - monarkh (02/24/2014) [-]
I actually ask myself that question quite often, I think that's something a few americans come up with and then made the thing popular via teenage movies. I lived in three different countries in my life, and I've never heard about anyone who would **** a sock for "convenience"
I actually ask myself that question quite often, I think that's something a few americans come up with and then made the thing popular via teenage movies.
I lived in three different countries in my life, and I've never heard about anyone who would **** a sock for "convenience"
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+15
User avatar #2 - avengerofthenight (02/23/2014) [-]
Oh yeah, because we all know that googly eyes make everything more ******** .
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+13
#1 - vitunhenkka (02/23/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
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+6
#6 - wassamattau (02/23/2014) [-]
**wassamattau rolled a random image posted in comment #71 at Bulbasaur **
**wassamattau rolled a random image posted in comment #71 at Bulbasaur **
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+3
#44 - makutasfinest (02/24/2014) [-]
They know.. you must kill your parents
They know..

you must kill your parents
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0
#54 to #44 - xtiggerx (02/24/2014) [-]
I'm so glad someone knows about that movie.
I'm gonna go watch it now.
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+2
#32 - dlodavis (02/24/2014) [-]
I have a cum sock hidden beside my bed. I'm always afraid to find this with it.
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+1
User avatar #37 to #32 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
Same
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+2
#34 to #32 - inuares (02/24/2014) [-]
my parents don't know that I masturbate.
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0
#63 to #34 - amuzen ONLINE (02/24/2014) [-]
chances are they do and they just try to avoid walking in on you while your doing it. think about it would you want to walk in on your kid masturbating?
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0
#53 to #34 - ComradeBritish (02/24/2014) [-]
Everyone does it dude, they know, they just haven't caught you.
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0
#42 to #34 - rdobet (02/24/2014) [-]
they probably do and just don't care.
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0
#27 - anon (02/24/2014) [-]
MY PARENTS KNOW I MASTURBATE!?!?!?!
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0
User avatar #30 to #27 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
I can't imagine why they wouldnt
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+2
#20 - funkmasterjunk (02/24/2014) [-]
Afterward, Palmela always makes me a sandwich! Way better than my last girl.
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+1
User avatar #23 to #20 - mrgoodlove [OP](02/24/2014) [-]
That sandwich looks so majestic
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+1
#48 to #20 - assrocket (02/24/2014) [-]
I know what's in that sandwich...
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+2
#13 - captainhobnob ONLINE (02/24/2014) [-]
I liked the part where it didnt happen
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+1
User avatar #3 - rulebysecrecy (02/23/2014) [-]
worst mom ever....
1.she touched your wack off sock
2.she thinks your pathetic
3.she'd kill any womean you bring home
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0
User avatar #4 to #3 - dancininseptember (02/23/2014) [-]
I cause she really is a mean womean.
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0
User avatar #5 to #4 - rulebysecrecy (02/23/2014) [-]
moms are the best AND the worst at the same time... but for some, just the worst
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0
User avatar #16 - fyaq (02/24/2014) [-]
Of all the things that didn't happen, this didn't happen the most.
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0
#19 to #16 - anon (02/24/2014) [-]
Of all the times I don't care if it's real, I don't care this time the most.
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0
#62 - hammerpantschuck (02/24/2014) [-]
dem eyes
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0
User avatar #61 - senseiweasel (02/24/2014) [-]
What the **** is it with people jerking off into socks?
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0
#50 - ragingbrony (02/24/2014) [-]
What mom knowingly touches their kid's Fap sock?
What mom knowingly touches their kid's Fap sock?
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0
User avatar #60 to #50 - improbablyyourdad ONLINE (02/24/2014) [-]
The best one.
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#28 - bebextasy has deleted their comment [-]
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#22 - mrgoodlove [OP] Comment deleted by mrgoodlove [-]
Reply
0
#7 - adifferentjones (02/23/2014) [-]
**adifferentjones rolled a random image posted in comment #38 at Worth reading. **
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