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[ 545 comments ]
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
User avatar #19 - narluga (08/12/2014) [-]
I once farted so powerfully and so long, that my brother came into my room and asked what the **** the noise was.
#496 to #19 - thesappho (08/13/2014) [-]
it's not emberassing, it's a win
#12 - hitlerwasokay (08/12/2014) [-]
I once farted and a tapeworm flapped around out of my ass like a strip of paper tied to an industrial fan
User avatar #200 to #12 - StewieGGriffin ONLINE (08/12/2014) [-]
Is this story true? If so 2spooky.
#468 to #12 - mysticninja (08/13/2014) [-]
For **** sake man!
#519 to #12 - anon (08/13/2014) [-]
Jesus ******* christ I nearly vomited
#525 to #12 - baditch ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
Comment Picture
#236 to #12 - RipperMan (08/13/2014) [-]
why didnt you have pants on?
#390 to #12 - ironsoul (08/13/2014) [-]
Could have been worse I suppose
User avatar #214 to #12 - valarofcookies (08/12/2014) [-]
What were you doing inside his ass, Tapeworms?
User avatar #215 to #214 - tapeworms (08/12/2014) [-]
It seemed like a good spot at the time.
#46 to #12 - psychotec (08/12/2014) [-]
sweet jesus no
#17 to #12 - redwrench ONLINE (08/12/2014) [-]
Embarrassing, not terrifying.
#30 - tokazakime (08/12/2014) [-]
This is more like a **** story. It was my grandfather's birthday and the whole family decided to rent a pool resort. There's the regular pool where it gets deeper if you get to the end, and then there's a kiddie pool where the children swims. When I want to pee I'd go to the kiddie pool, squat, then pee.

This one time I had the urge to release a fart while I was peeing in the kiddie pool, but then I feel a sudden "plop" before I realize that I just shat in the pool where the kids swim. I stand back up and went back to the regular pool like nothing happened.
User avatar #329 to #30 - killerliquid ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
******* christ toka
User avatar #47 to #30 - brcstar (08/12/2014) [-]
And you weren't concerned about anyone seeing you?
#60 to #47 - tokazakime (08/12/2014) [-]
I'm the oldest of all my cousins, and my cousins are pretty much all kids. And the adults were too busy eating, drinking, playing billiards, and singing karaoke.

so no..
User avatar #89 to #30 - dertuik (08/12/2014) [-]
did the others think that it was on the kid pool kids?
#95 to #89 - tokazakime (08/12/2014) [-]
I wasn't there when they (if they even) discovered it, but if they did they probably think it's one of the kids.
I wasn't there when they (if they even) discovered it, but if they did they probably think it's one of the kids.
User avatar #100 to #95 - dertuik (08/12/2014) [-]
infiltrate and leave **** for internal investigation
good job!
User avatar #11 - protomanrulezz (08/12/2014) [-]
While getting a rim job
she didn't even finish
#443 to #11 - lolzordz (08/13/2014) [-]
getting a girl to lick your arsehole is embarassing enough
getting a girl to lick your arsehole is embarassing enough
User avatar #467 to #443 - protomanrulezz (08/13/2014) [-]
Nah, shes the one licking an asshole
#73 to #11 - norwegiandude (08/12/2014) [-]
It was funny, but rimjobs are 			*******		 disgusting.
It was funny, but rimjobs are ******* disgusting.
User avatar #116 to #11 - sinery (08/12/2014) [-]
Excuse be, but how the **** does one finish a rimjob?
User avatar #119 to #116 - protomanrulezz (08/12/2014) [-]
I don't know because I have never had one finish
User avatar #207 to #119 - JonnyFirecrackr ONLINE (08/12/2014) [-]
best laugh FJ comment section 2014
User avatar #208 to #207 - protomanrulezz (08/12/2014) [-]
Th... Thank you~
User avatar #210 to #208 - JonnyFirecrackr ONLINE (08/12/2014) [-]
Yo... You're welcome
#127 - chromeberd (08/12/2014) [-]
I remember it being around 3rd grade. Back in those days I had some lower intestinal issues that actually required me to fart otherwise I would get a horrible stomach ache. Not only that but for some reason my farts contained too much of an acid compound or something and they would sting your nostrils they smelled so bad.

Anyway I was in school and we had all lined up in the classroom to go to lunch. I had been positioned near the front. I had decided to release the gas right before the line started moving trying to do it as silently as possible. A wave of euphoria was emitted from thy cheeks and after the deed was done the teacher got the line moving out of the classroom. What basicly occurred next was an assembly of over 30 students in a straight line moving through my lingering colon vapor. Every one of them had to endure a couple of second of my patented anal steam that I had been building up all morning.

A lot made noises of pure disgust and some were trying to empty their lungs once they caught a whiff. A couple of the squeamish ones were gagging. One poor girl had to run to the bathroom because she was choking on my chemical lemon gas to hard. She eventually came back to meet us at lunch but had no appetite.

I felt horrible at that moment but I won't be ashamed to admit that I laughed myself to sleep that night.
#10 - notfanny (08/12/2014) [-]
so, there i was, sitting on my girlfriends lap. I shat.
so, there i was, sitting on my girlfriends lap. I shat.
User avatar #145 to #10 - notfanny (08/12/2014) [-]
plot twist, she liked the smell of it
User avatar #51 to #10 - bettercaulsaul (08/12/2014) [-]
>sitting on girlfriend's lap

confirmed beta
User avatar #79 to #51 - joshlol (08/12/2014) [-]
> ******** on girlfriend's lap

confirmed alpha
User avatar #67 to #51 - applecopy (08/12/2014) [-]
wtf, that's the dream
User avatar #409 to #51 - sharklazers (08/13/2014) [-]
you don't even have a girlfriend in the first place
#133 - farted (08/12/2014) [-]
no, I'll get to many notifications. The horror.
User avatar #173 to #133 - discardedslinky (08/12/2014) [-]
This made me laugh too hard.
#135 to #133 - xxangelisxx (08/12/2014) [-]
Now we can blame all toots on you.
Now we can blame all toots on you.
#8 - anon (08/12/2014) [-]
In the middle of a silent prayer in church, then trying to cough it off but missing the timing completly
User avatar #327 to #8 - bananarchy (08/13/2014) [-]
Hahaha
>Cough
>Everyone looks at you
>Fart
#4 - roddor (08/12/2014) [-]
Once, I farted. It was really embarrassing.
#517 to #4 - fyaq (08/13/2014) [-]
the fact FJ only thumbed this for the cancerous meme makes me want to kill children.
#82 to #4 - anon (08/12/2014) [-]
Wow, dude. I'm embarrassed for you.
User avatar #35 to #4 - theblackhand (08/12/2014) [-]
your colored text gave me eye cancer
User avatar #43 to #35 - brcstar (08/12/2014) [-]
Then you better not look at mine.
User avatar #106 to #43 - Falkor (08/12/2014) [-]
 
User avatar #109 to #106 - majormayor (08/12/2014) [-]
furries are gAY
User avatar #111 to #109 - jiboia (08/12/2014) [-]
Your comment is so tumblr i heard a feminist scream rape.
User avatar #223 to #111 - otherothersparker (08/13/2014) [-]
and your comment is so cancerous you could've killed half the planet
0
#548 to #111 - frankwest has deleted their comment [-]
User avatar #263 to #106 - serpens ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
  
#324 to #43 - anon (08/13/2014) [-]
I can't.
#153 to #35 - anon (08/12/2014) [-]
#143 - kakariko (08/12/2014) [-]
I was going to anon this 			****		 but 			****		 it   
>be in school   
>in classes   
>terrible stomachache   
>still 4 hours left to go home   
>decide to let out little farts here and there to cease the pain   
>everything is going fine   
>accidentally let loose and 			****		 starts coming out   
>it isn't your average 			****		, it's close to diarrhea   
>it's smearing on my panties   
>still sitting on my chair, internally panicking
I was going to anon this **** but **** it
>be in school
>in classes
>terrible stomachache
>still 4 hours left to go home
>decide to let out little farts here and there to cease the pain
>everything is going fine
>accidentally let loose and **** starts coming out
>it isn't your average **** , it's close to diarrhea
>it's smearing on my panties
>still sitting on my chair, internally panicking
User avatar #144 to #143 - kakariko (08/12/2014) [-]
Cont.
>teacher tells me to help clean the whiteboard
>of all the ******* people you chose me.gif
>get up, deadly smell instantly fills the room
>"what's that terrible smell"
>act like nothing, clean the whiteboard and go back to my seat
>class ends, waits for everyone to leave the room
> ******* rush to the bathroom
>it's too late, panty is kill
>take it off and leave it on the toilet seat
>school's uniform is shirt + skirt, I decided to not wear shorts below my skirt that day
> ******* half naked now
>grab my stuff
>sneaks out of school
>a few days later I hear some janitors complaining about how they found a **** smeared panty in the girl's room the other day
>shamefur dispray
#36 - NiceBreasts (08/12/2014) [-]
Midway through a prostate exam I start to clench so my doctor pulls out his finger and as the tip slid out a noise erected from my bowels that shook the mountains in a pungent PRRRRRBBBTTTTTTTTTFFF as flecks of 			****		 cascaded across the room leaving neither woman nor child safe from the wrath of my bunghole.   
   
tldr; I have prostate cancer
Midway through a prostate exam I start to clench so my doctor pulls out his finger and as the tip slid out a noise erected from my bowels that shook the mountains in a pungent PRRRRRBBBTTTTTTTTTFFF as flecks of **** cascaded across the room leaving neither woman nor child safe from the wrath of my bunghole.

tldr; I have prostate cancer
User avatar #290 to #36 - profkitty ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
Well at least you still have some NiceBreasts.
#335 to #36 - lecorbi (08/13/2014) [-]
once the dad of a friend of mine -who happens to be a doctor - was making a prostate exam and when his finger came out a huge turd came flying out of the patients' ass for some pressure issue i suppose   
   
it went at full speed in a spear-like motion splatting on the opposite wall 3 or 4 meters behind him.   
   
gif absolutely unrelated
once the dad of a friend of mine -who happens to be a doctor - was making a prostate exam and when his finger came out a huge turd came flying out of the patients' ass for some pressure issue i suppose

it went at full speed in a spear-like motion splatting on the opposite wall 3 or 4 meters behind him.

gif absolutely unrelated
#403 to #335 - grindoff (08/13/2014) [-]
Good he just happened to be a doctor, otherwise the story would have been even worse
User avatar #62 - fjaddictftw ONLINE (08/12/2014) [-]
My boyfriend farted and accidentally **** on the floor.
User avatar #412 to #62 - sharklazers (08/13/2014) [-]
I don't understand, why didn't he have any underwear and pants on? I'm dressed most of the time, and if I **** myself, it goes in my underwear, not on the floor.
User avatar #457 to #412 - fjaddictftw ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
He just woke up so he was just in boxers. I don't **** myself so I couldn't really tell you why he didn't know it wasn't a fart...
User avatar #529 to #457 - sharklazers (08/13/2014) [-]
also how big is his penis?
User avatar #542 to #529 - fjaddictftw ONLINE (08/14/2014) [-]
average
User avatar #543 to #542 - sharklazers (08/14/2014) [-]
how big
User avatar #544 to #543 - fjaddictftw ONLINE (08/14/2014) [-]
idk i didnt measure it
User avatar #545 to #544 - sharklazers (08/14/2014) [-]
ask him all men know

is he good in bed
User avatar #528 to #457 - sharklazers (08/13/2014) [-]
if im in boxers and i **** myself the **** goes in my boxers not on the floor
User avatar #77 to #62 - joshlol (08/12/2014) [-]
it happens
User avatar #118 to #62 - majormayor (08/12/2014) [-]
Phanact really was fart all along...
User avatar #66 to #62 - dertuik (08/12/2014) [-]
brief and full of hardcore. i like this
User avatar #68 to #66 - fjaddictftw ONLINE (08/12/2014) [-]
my boyfiend is also phanact
#235 - krayon ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
**krayon rolled image**
> Be 21
> In the middle of sex with my then GF
> She had just gotten over a stomach virus
> Hadn't seen her in about 4 days
> ************************* .gif
> thrusting deep
> she's moaning
> Moaning turns into groaning
> All of a sudden she lets out the most horrendous fart
> It doesn't stop there
> Torrent of diarrhea shoots from her ass like a broken water pipe
> MFW she frosted me like a cake and the stench made me throw up on her back.
#18 - digitized (08/12/2014) [-]
>Be me 15 years old
>sleeping over friends house
>about to go to sleep when sudden urge to fart commences
>decide **** it he's my boy he wont care if I fart real quick
>let it rip like a bey blade out of satans ass
> **** came spewing out
>do not tell friend.
>sleep with **** on my ass for the entire night for fear of him finding out i sharted
>after we woke up he asks what smells like ass
>explain i just farted
>he leaves
>i go in the bathroom and clean my ass
>had extra clothes so i acted like i just showered
>put **** stained boxers in my backpack
>he doesn't know until this day It wasn't straight diarrhea that came out so his sheets were fine
#32 to #18 - nitrus (08/12/2014) [-]
>his sheets were fine
you two share a bed?
User avatar #48 to #32 - digitized (08/12/2014) [-]
Nah ***** . Two twin size beds in his room.
User avatar #94 to #18 - dertuik (08/12/2014) [-]
i totally understand
so much
so much
oh god
User avatar #99 - jakerszzzz (08/12/2014) [-]
I was in gym class running and i had to fart really bad so i synced up my farts with my steps because my shoe also made farting noises when i ran.

Then i got out of sync.
User avatar #107 to #99 - dertuik (08/12/2014) [-]
just like farting in the classroom and moving your chair to cover it up
User avatar #140 to #107 - biomedic (08/12/2014) [-]
all it does is make them all look before you let one rip :/
User avatar #37 - RADDDDs (08/12/2014) [-]
16 y/o
20 mins til class is over
been holding back the urge, but it unfortunately slips, releasing a quite noisy rumble
also, stenchy 9.8/10 as never before
no one realized what happened
5 rows in all directions were being gassed
I couldn't smile, or I would blow my cover
the stench was unbearable
doors-windows had to be opened
#38 - evilhomer (08/12/2014) [-]
One time when I was a kid I laughed so hard that I farted.... It was more than a fart.
One time when I was a kid I laughed so hard that I farted.... It was more than a fart.
User avatar #157 to #38 - hattheifbatman (08/12/2014) [-]
Never again, I imagined her ******** out a chicken corpse
User avatar #353 to #38 - rustybutttickler (08/13/2014) [-]
Is she ******** so hard it bursts out of the pants?
#507 to #38 - schitzopsycho (08/13/2014) [-]
Totally not gonna puke while laughing... Totally not...
Totally not gonna puke while laughing... Totally not...
User avatar #243 to #38 - aidansofunny (08/13/2014) [-]
can i have sauce of that girl
#129 to #38 - toostonedtopost (08/12/2014) [-]
dafuqdidijustsee.jpg
User avatar #311 - megusters ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
>be me, asian (that's pretty important)
>6th grade
>english class
>not that great of a student, constantly handed in late work
>got bitched on by teacher
>tried to retaliate by yelling back
>fail miserably, sassy black woman
>cry
>go back to my seat
>work for about half an hour playing with my pencils
>feel a fart coming on, but also feels like a poop
>confirmed fart in my head
>I do this thing where I stand up slightly and spread my cheeks as wide as possible to make it silent.
>Melted fudge cookie dough ice cream erupts from my anus and I awkwardly sit down in a pool of diarrhea
>say **** it, waddle over to teacher, look like a 4 foot mexican walking with pants sagged down to knees, but with pants up.
>I need to use the bathroom ._.
>You need to go do you-
>It's. an. emergency. *stare down* I pooped my ._. ;-;
>Oh God, fine go.
>Fastwalk out of class with my hand clutching my ass
>Heard snickering behind me
>Now in senior year of highschool, my best friend blackmails me with that story any chance he gets, not ashamed of it anymore.
He tells everyone to call me ****** Wok.
User avatar #341 to #311 - trolljunkusa ONLINE (08/13/2014) [-]
im in tears
#455 to #311 - fistfireace (08/13/2014) [-]
I don't think I'm going to be eating any fudge/cookie dough ice cream anytime soon.   Still a funny story though.
I don't think I'm going to be eating any fudge/cookie dough ice cream anytime soon. Still a funny story though.
#218 - gotaciggy (08/13/2014) [-]
I had just started going out with this girl, and she invited me over her to house for dinner with her family.
We made awkward small talk throughout the night, and I really needed to fart, but I didn't want to disgust her parents so I held on, and I had never farted infront of this girl before, and I didn't want her to think I was gross,
Finished up, left the house, as am I'm walking down the driveway I let rip like I never had before, every step was followed by the thunder coming out my ass,
I thought that was really funny so i went to text my bro "just left her house and played the ass trumpet all the way down the drive, thank god i got to all out"
got home and realized i had txted my girl instead, now she calls me trumpet ass
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