FJ's roasts
I [eve a gene BBQ. Roast me up gene.
fri, , your cleavage says Hemline, but yourface says Run.
fri, , your cleavage says Hemline, but yourface says Run.
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Anonymous comments allowed.
376 comments displayed.
#1835 to #52
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bleeduntildeath (09/14/2015) [-]
a blue scarf covering your whole neck and jaw and a **** eating grin? I choose not to bring the pain, I'll only finish what daddy started in the closet last night
#1154 to #52
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joethebeast (09/14/2015) [-] When priests touching kids make it on the news, I always imagine it's probably people like you
#1297 to #52
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kwanzalord (09/14/2015) [-] You know when tough guys go to prison, gain the respect of other inmates, and makes someone their bitch? You are that bitch.
#74 to #52
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vladhellsing ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-] Is the rest of your body sticking out of an orange portal?
#1056 to #52
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assdoreponyfucker (09/14/2015) [-] Considering your looks, standing out in the middle of the road and waiting to get run over was a good decision on your part.
#662 to #52
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iliekcereal (09/13/2015) [-] you look like you exist so your hair can be harvested for donald trump's toupee's
#274 to #52
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altairibnlaahad (09/13/2015) [-] You look like Benedict Cumberbatch and Ellen DeGeneres had a very drunken one night stand
#236 to #52
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captainbalu (09/13/2015) [-]
You look like the crippled child of benedict cumberbatch and spongebob
#1692 to #52
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anon (09/14/2015) [-]
You're a ******* piece of **** , you should think before you type. Bitch. I'm gonna come through you TV like ****** Ghost Dad starring Bill Cosby and I'm gonna choke you to death. I'm gonna wrap my dick around your neck and I'm gonna hang you, and when they find you they're gonna be like, w"whose dick is this around his neck? And it's gonna be like "IT"S MY DICK ****** " You're hanging from the neck until dead by my dick. **** YOU. I'm gonna find your mom and I'm gonna maker her jealous with the **** I do to your dad. That's how awful it's gonna get. I'm gonne bend your dad over and treat his asshole like a vagina. Spread that **** open, butter it up with some canola oil, one of the key ingredients of spotted dick. And i'm gonna throw my non spotted dick right into his brown ******* starfish. And your dad's gonna be like "don't watch son" and i'm gonna be like "IF YOU TAKE YOUR EYES OFF HIM I'M GONNA SPLIT HIM UP HIS SPINE, GONNA FILET HIM LIKE A FISH WITH MY GINSU COCK!
#1752 to #52
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gthelurker (09/14/2015) [-] Your hair looks like an albino clam is trying to your skull and got stuck as it started on your forehead.
You look like the human version of sweden from the scandanavia comics.
I got nothing else.
You look like the human version of sweden from the scandanavia comics.
I got nothing else.
#1052 to #52
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theholyboognish (09/14/2015) [-] When people tell you to reach for the stars, they all hope that it ends like the Challenger.
#166
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beldepinda (09/13/2015) [-] Anyone got a nice spicy roast for me? Although the pic is enough to do all the work itself...
#649 to #166
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assassindash (09/13/2015) [-] That traffic cone in the back is more interesting than you are.
#670 to #166
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iliekcereal (09/13/2015) [-] this picture would be better if you were holding a knife in your left hand
#876 to #90
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doktorandus (09/13/2015) [-] You look like you are the first result that comes up when people google for the perfect face for radio.
#1525 to #40
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kwanzalord (09/14/2015) [-] If the combined chin strength of Jay Leno, Buzz light year and Sarah Jessica Parker married Laura Croft, they would have an offspring that would resemble you. And even then, that would be preferable over you.
#2214 to #2073
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kwanzalord (09/14/2015) [-] **kwanzalord used "*roll picture*"**
**kwanzalord rolled image**Sorry, not sure why I wrote Laura. I clearly know that it's Lara
**kwanzalord rolled image**Sorry, not sure why I wrote Laura. I clearly know that it's Lara
#923 to #40
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doktorandus (09/13/2015) [-] You look like Quagmire's sister who inherited all the recessive genes.
All of the length, none of the volume.
Giggity.
All of the length, none of the volume.
Giggity.
#81 to #79
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vladhellsing ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-] So that's how those buck teeth ended up in there...
#1209 to #83
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talldumbdork ONLINE (09/14/2015) [-] Goddamn......you're no victim, this was your plan all along!
#2006 to #40
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noutvissers (09/14/2015) [-]
Sup, Dra'nakyuek, destroyer of worlds, congratulations on stomping that village yesterday!
#1050 to #40
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turtleshells ONLINE (09/14/2015) [-] I bet they based the bicycle seat design off of your face
#467 to #40
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ledhendrix (09/13/2015) [-] ...good thing i brought Reese Witherspoon msamnesia's chin!
#512 to #40
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
Christ lol I don't think I have laughed this hard in my life looking at all of these comments. Damn good sense of humor you have
#1201 to #40
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danmegaflakes ONLINE (09/14/2015) [-] you look like robbie rotten gotten a sex change
#47 to #46
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
Good job. I've dropped 150 over the last two years. Good luck keeping it off, it's a pain in the ass.
#54 to #49
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
Working 50+ hours per week in a highly physical job keeps me in better shape, just need to hit the gym and tone up again and will be back to my old ways. I know what you mean though, weight fluctuates all the time and mainly because I end up starving while I work as I have no time for breaks or a lunch and end up over eating when I finally get home.
#55 to #54
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msamnesia (09/13/2015) [-]
SAME. I'm a waitress and teacher so im around food all day, and when i finally eat im like an animal ravaging my fridge. but ive found protein shakes work best for me to keep me full for a long time, and running is what keeps my weight down. toning is a pain in the ass, though. i got a lot of muscle but that thin layer of fat/skin remaining hides all of it.
#57 to #55
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
I sling brass and steel around all day long, drive to different plants and manufacturing sites and carry the loads through the building by hand. Decent weight lifting. Need to get more cardio in too, I can actually run and sprint again though. Damn near cried the day I found out I could again.
#60 to #57
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msamnesia (09/13/2015) [-]
by best shape was when i was in the military. after i was discharged i got depressed, re-gained some weight, then i lost it again. i was able to run at 7mph for 2 miles, havent done that good since basic and i freaked out, i was so ecstatic.
i wish i had a more physical job, though. im not strong enough to sling metal, but i wouldn't be opposed to doing something like that. maybe tinier pieces of metal haha. i wanna get more lifting in
i wish i had a more physical job, though. im not strong enough to sling metal, but i wouldn't be opposed to doing something like that. maybe tinier pieces of metal haha. i wanna get more lifting in
#63 to #60
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
I was a security contractor for a few years, had me in great shape. Trying to get back into that shape, but I know it's not going to be easy. I am sure you can find something in your area that will be better for you.
#65 to #63
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msamnesia (09/13/2015) [-]
i actually applied for the police academy, just waiting to hear results from them about my acceptance or not. there's a lot of competition in my area, and its hard to get a job without a sponsor. but in the meantime running and 5ks are good. I really wanna do the Spartan Race next.
#72 to #65
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
Sounds like fun, I am on the waiting list for the Detroit Metro Police Academy up here still. Physical requirements are laughably low, so I am sure I'd blow it out of the water. Do what you have to do, you already seem like you are on the right track, just don't give up on it. How bad is your area to need sponsorship?
#76 to #72
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msamnesia (09/13/2015) [-]
baaaaaaaaaaad. I'm from Florida, and a lot of those wacky news feeds people see are actually in my area. The the physical requirements aren't crazy, at least not compared to what I had to do in the military. My vertical leap is my biggest problem, you gotta have like a 30'' leap, and im very ground-glued. I can't jump for **** . but the pull ups/flexed hang i got down, and my run time is fine.
#86 to #76
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
I think last I saw for detroit metro was a 28'' vertical. Quarter mile sprint in however many minutes, something stupidly low. Probably why theres a lot of out of shape officers up here. I am trying to move back out of this area to somewhere a little better, checking Florida off the list now lol. Guessing you are tied down in Florida? No chance of moving to a bettter area for more opportunities?
#87 to #86
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msamnesia (09/13/2015) [-]
my teaching contract will be over by the end of the year, and if i dont get this officer job then i intend to teach English abroad in either italy or japan. i thought about moving to one of the Carolinas, somewhere where where its not so hot that my **** won't melt in my car if i forget it there.
#89 to #87
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
There you go, follow your dreams and make them a reality. You've got your stuff in order just make it happen. I have too many strings attatched to just bail on this area right now and it's ever so slowly killing me.
#91 to #89
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msamnesia (09/13/2015) [-]
damn. now i feel lucky that i was medically discharged from the marine core for a heart murmur, kicked out of my apartment by my bastard cheating ex bf, and losing all my friends from my depression.
i got a very clean start where i am, but i avoided making roots for the express purpose of being able to leave whenever i want. and if you got roots, dont let it get to you. its like a small rope around an elephants ankle thats been there since it was a calf. whats keeping you stuck?
i got a very clean start where i am, but i avoided making roots for the express purpose of being able to leave whenever i want. and if you got roots, dont let it get to you. its like a small rope around an elephants ankle thats been there since it was a calf. whats keeping you stuck?
#93 to #91
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
Supporting my disabled parents and brother. Brother has mental problems and drug problems. 6'3 350 strong as a damn ox and has violent episodes lol Trying to get him into some kind of care, kinda hard when he's already in his 30's. Sorry to hear about your stuff though, never easy. I've had my share of cheating exes and getting booted out of places.
#97 to #93
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msamnesia (09/13/2015) [-]
blessing in disguise. my ex was an ass and i wasn't super happy in the military.
and some restaurants hire people like your brother. they give them jobs, they have someone that works their case and supervises them, and they are given decent jobs to do. there's a woman in our kitchen she rolls silverware and does some dish washing. she has episodes, but being kept busy and having her own money to spend gives her a good purpose for herself. as for your parents, i know officer employment in florida gives benefits to your family, even if they dont live with you. hopefully theres something like that where you live
and some restaurants hire people like your brother. they give them jobs, they have someone that works their case and supervises them, and they are given decent jobs to do. there's a woman in our kitchen she rolls silverware and does some dish washing. she has episodes, but being kept busy and having her own money to spend gives her a good purpose for herself. as for your parents, i know officer employment in florida gives benefits to your family, even if they dont live with you. hopefully theres something like that where you live
#102 to #97
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
And sorry to hear that, assholes everywhere like the one above. Hopefully better things have followed.
#101 to #97
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thingsthatwhoosh ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-]
He has already been deemed by courts as unemployable. Just fighting to get SSI for him and everything. He cant handle a job, you tell him he can't do something he will damn near kill you and then go do it.
#412 to #96
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cognosceteipsum (09/13/2015) [-] Well not really considering that guy is a fudgepacker
#1243 to #518
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] It was also pretty generic. I mean, the guy isn't even the most retarded-looking one in the comp.
#1531 to #716
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magicexplain (09/14/2015) [-] So you indirectly call him the other teenage heart-throb in the movie? Sure he has to live forever with kristen stewart but still
#847 to #271
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innocentbabies (09/13/2015) [-]
Don't worry, when I saw your face on the frontpage, it scarred the **** outta me too.
#1539 to #29
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kwanzalord (09/14/2015) [-] Your smirk is so creepy that the National organization of Pedophiles barred you from their events, due to "being too good at it"
#1665 to #29
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thatfoulstench (09/14/2015) [-] your picture says, "out for a nice drive." your face says, " Past the elementary school going under 10 mph."
#2096 to #29
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sgtdlcksmasher (09/14/2015) [-]
even if you had an identical twin, you'd be the ugly one
#38 to #29
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anarchyamongants (09/13/2015) [-] Didn't know that they let Dumbo the elephant ride cars these day.
#202 to #29
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elenalkarnur (09/13/2015) [-] That facial expression is exactly the one women make when they see your face.
#1206 to #29
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danmegaflakes ONLINE (09/14/2015) [-] i hope you were driving while you took that ugly ass selfie
#88 to #36
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thoughtspot (09/13/2015) [-] Not even gonna lie, this one made my lose my **** . Good on ya don, you haven't failed this time.
#861 to #667
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innocentbabies (09/13/2015) [-]
Next time somebody tells me Hitler was right, I'll just show them this picture.
#881 to #667
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doktorandus (09/13/2015) [-] You look like you live in a nice suburban neighbourhood, yet dissect small animals for sexual gratification.
#1205
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victorydanceofc (09/14/2015) [-] Welcome me back by doing what you do best.
I WANNA FEEL THE FIRE.
I WANNA FEEL THE FIRE.
#1214 to #1205
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itszyzzbrah (09/14/2015) [-] Youll feel the fire whenever you decide to get on a treadmill.
#1274 to #1205
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shadowtails 
(09/14/2015) [-] Your head looks like it's a perfect oval and that makes me happy
#1223 to #1205
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] Hey, I remember you! We played ultimate together in high school! Your face was the frisbee!
#695 to #321
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iliekcereal (09/13/2015) [-] you look like you auditioned for a part in twilight but got rejected
#418 to #321
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hellspawner (09/13/2015) [-] You look liked a failed cast member that tried out for Spencer in iCarly
#336 to #321
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jackmanagan (09/13/2015) [-] nice kurt kobain cosplay.
all you need is some bleached hair and some buckshot to the face
all you need is some bleached hair and some buckshot to the face
#2063 to #58
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devlac (09/14/2015) [-]
You look like the Toby Sheldon of Jack Douglass.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toby_Sheldon
www.google.com/search?q=toby+sheldon&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0CB0QsARqFQoTCLiztqGM9scCFUQSLAodm4QMsw&biw=1920&bih=943
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en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toby_Sheldon
www.google.com/search?q=toby+sheldon&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0CB0QsARqFQoTCLiztqGM9scCFUQSLAodm4QMsw&biw=1920&bih=943
You need to login to view this link
#73 to #58
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vladhellsing ONLINE (09/13/2015) [-] You appear to be admiring your own appearance.
Well, I suppose someone has to do it. Society appreciates your sacrifice.
Well, I suppose someone has to do it. Society appreciates your sacrifice.
#1565 to #58
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kwanzalord (09/14/2015) [-] Since the age of 16, I have lived on a regimented diet and work out routine.
I focus my workout primarily on my upper body, especially my biceps.
I have even been crowned "Mr. Biceps" at the National WorkOut Championships.
And yet, my arms pale in comparison to your neck.
I focus my workout primarily on my upper body, especially my biceps.
I have even been crowned "Mr. Biceps" at the National WorkOut Championships.
And yet, my arms pale in comparison to your neck.
#471 to #468
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harrypottergirl (09/13/2015) [-] you fat, racist, lazy. and constantly blame others for your problems
#1463 to #468
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thunderxcatsxhoooo (09/14/2015) [-] I-I can't, I don't want to roast you, I want to BE you.
#858 to #468
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innocentbabies (09/13/2015) [-] >no gun
>no pickup truck
>no unhealthy foods
0/10 how can you call yourself an American?
>no pickup truck
>no unhealthy foods
0/10 how can you call yourself an American?
#1004 to #996
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] Lol, New York hype
I've been out west (is Texas technically "out west"? I mean it is to me). I'd take you guys' dry heat over coastal humidity any day. Shade making a difference is something I'm not used to.
I've been out west (is Texas technically "out west"? I mean it is to me). I'd take you guys' dry heat over coastal humidity any day. Shade making a difference is something I'm not used to.
#1010 to #1004
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
I wanna say Texas is more south. It's hot and humid all the time.
#1025 to #1010
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] Yeah? I guess that makes sense, actually. The Gulf is where that's all coming from?
#1068 to #1025
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
Yeah it sucks, it's finally becoming "winter" aka 80 vs 100
#1076 to #1068
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] Damn... I was born in North Carolina, and even that far south it's way too hot for me to ever consider moving back. I'll take my northern, below zero degree winters over southern, billion degree summers any day.
#1112 to #1076
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
That's why I have melted skin lol, this passed summer it's only been 10 days in a row with 100+ heat. Unlike last summer it was 15
#2177 to #1912
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
I'm okay with that. I like that era of gaming. If I ever cosplayed it would be easy.
#2176 to #2081
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
Man you're the only that had finally said sown thing clever. I'm stumped for a response.
#2180 to #2179
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
Oh I got one!
How are you so good at spotting drags?
How are you so good at spotting drags?
#2190 to #2187
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
Wait, did you **** him after I was born or before?
Because if before are you my mother!?
Because if before are you my mother!?
#2175 to #2143
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
That's okay, they more then likely have dicks. So ugly > dicks.
#1017 to #1007
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
Mexican and dirty philipino
Too be fair they're both dirty lol
Too be fair they're both dirty lol
#1070 to #1030
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greyalphablade (09/14/2015) [-]
Sorry Bby I don't have a penis. I'm only half asian
#999 to #910
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] Dude, with the way asian women age, she's at least in her late 300's.
#1167 to #1153
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jamesisawesome (09/14/2015) [-] I've never considered myself Anti-Semitic, but you just changed my mind.
#1188 to #1153
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heartlessrobot (09/14/2015) [-] You look like you stick a hairbrush handle up your butt while thinking about your brother's best friend.
#1280 to #1275
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] Real talk: acne is a very temporary problem, and small breasts are very attractive in my opinion.
#1595 to #1586
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] Maybe I'm just not cut out for this whole roast thing. I apologize too quickly.
Also, hell yeah, petite girls FTW!
Also, hell yeah, petite girls FTW!
#1717 to #1714
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] I've played like maybe 2 hours of League in my life. To much of a barrier to entry. So no, not really. I've heard the name, though.
#1723 to #1719
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] I'm giggling like a tard at the face she's making.
She's cyoot.
She's cyoot.
#1736 to #1723
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dharkmoswen (09/14/2015) [-] Dat lip bite. Always makes a girl 10x hotter. No exceptions. Last thing from me; Youtube. "Get Jinxed" Enjoy.
#1753 to #1736
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rollertoaster (09/14/2015) [-] I guess I can take a break from my essay. Thanks for the recommendation!
