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#15 - poppies
Reply +62
(07/22/2014) [-]
21, female, right now Tennessee.
I've been offered a really good job in Nagano City, Japan teaching English, but my boyfriend wants me to accept the one in Okaya because hes getting a job very near there (Nagano City and Okaya are 3 hours drive apart).
I want this job in Nagano city.. the pay is better, the benefits are better (they pay the rent deposit and health insurance), but I'm worried he won't want to come with me, and get angry that I want to go.
He says he's made loads of sacrifices for me and often calls me self-centered. I don't want him to be upset and lose his temper. What do I do? This job is pretty much a once in a lifetime opportunity but what if he says I can't go?
#2169 to #15 - westonbeast
Reply +1
(07/23/2014) [-]
And my ex called ME controlling.
I want a ******* redo.
#2110 to #15 - notreposter
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
Hey guys the world isn't black and white, sometimes a good job just isn't worth it, I can't tell you what to do, but if I were on your shoes I would try to see thing from HIS perspective, and than I would know if he is making sacrifices or not.
I PERSONALLY think you should view things from the human perspective not the social/work view. Anyway it's only worth to be angry with someone you love if they are destroying themselves so tell him to not be angry.
TL; DRon't lie to yourself, love means more than 200 bucks per month, don't make you and him over analyze this, do what feels best, if he really loves you either way the things end it's gonna be fine.
DON'T LIE TO YOURSELF.
#2385 to #2110 - poppies
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
Thank you for answering. My gut feeling is telling me to accept this job in Nagano. I had a chat with them this morning and they're pretty much bending over backwards telling me I have plenty of time to decide.
#1824 to #15 - anon
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
Hmm, honestly - if it really is once and a life time - weight it up. Is your Boyfriend the 'one' for you, do you want to be with him more than you want this job? gotta answer that question within yourself and make a decision :/
#1743 to #15 - fawdajinn
Reply +1
(07/23/2014) [-]
Poppies,

Funny... I'm from Tennessee and am currently living north of Tokyo teaching English at a medium-sized junior high school. From my experience so far, I would tell you to try it. As for the boyfriend, well... you are both young. However, if he's acting like this now, imagine what he will be like in 10, 20, even 30 years from now. Don't squander what could be an incredible experience over someone who doesn't seem to be interested in your overall happiness and well-being.

Regards,

A guy who has been here for over 2 years and LOVING it
#1324 to #15 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
A person who loves you will want you to have what is good/best for you even if it doesn't benefit them. Take the job and do the "long distance" thing. After all, three hours isn't that bad, especially if you can meet halfway.
#1014 to #15 - cantfindaname
Reply +1
(07/22/2014) [-]
In the end, this is an opportunity that you cannot afford to turn down.

He wants to deny you the chance for his own reasons, but it's affecting your life.

Please take the job in Nagano City so I can be happy for you.
#936 to #15 - rabbithabbit ONLINE
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
To the point where your scared of him losing his temper is a rocky road to domestic violence. If being with him is blocking the horizon of your future then you got to cut him off and move on.

May sound too simple but sometimes that's want people need.
#921 to #15 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
k
#614 to #15 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
you are 21 you should try this job as long as you have a chance if he loves you he will still be with you
#407 to #15 - luvtokill
Reply +1
(07/22/2014) [-]
You gotta put yourself before him.
#259 to #15 - indonesia
Reply +2
(07/22/2014) [-]
>calls you self-centered
>bf react "YOU MUST ACCEPT IN OKAYA BECAUSE I'TS SO NEAR TO ME!"

you understand what I mean?
now you know what to do, good luck out there
#244 to #15 - apurpleliger
Reply +2
(07/22/2014) [-]
I don't know about anyone else, but a 3 hour drive isn't that long. You could go stay with him during the weekends if you really want to make it work.
#251 to #244 - poppies
Reply +2
(07/22/2014) [-]
I suggested that and he said he didn't want to have a long-distance relationship again (he's American, I'm from the UK, and we were apart for 7 months whilst I finished university and that was hard for him). I agree that 3 hours isn't very long but he doesn't want to do it.
Financially it'd be best for us both to accept the jobs we've been offered. That's what I would want to do, but it's not an option for him.
#779 to #251 - drakthaal
Reply +2
(07/22/2014) [-]
try to imagine the whole situation being reversed, would you be content if you were in his shoes and he really wanted a job and you had to sacrifice for his job
#625 to #251 - softdoritocat
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
Wait a second. "It was hard on him so he doesn't want to do it"? Oh, guess what, giving up on a job just to be with him is even harder for you. Relationship is an art of compromising - a compromise here is to be 3h apart from each other and he obviously doesn't want to do that. **** this guy, do you really want to spend your life with such a person? Do you really want to make every major decision in your life by simply doing what he tells you to do? I know, it's love and all, but nobody in this world will make you happier than yourself. Seriously, it's simple as that. Choose yourself, love yourself the most.
#266 to #251 - apurpleliger
Reply +1
(07/22/2014) [-]
Seeing each other on the weekends isn't exactly a long distance relationship, in my opinion at least. I think that you should take the job anyways. Obviously I don't know what kind of relationship y'all have, but to me unless you're married or will be married soon, you shouldn't make career sacrifices like that for a significant other.
#119 to #15 - cleomech
Reply +6
(07/22/2014) [-]
You have to decide for yourself which one is more important to you. Don't trust what the others say. Love doesn't work like that, you can't just dump your boyfriend unless you don't really love him (in which case it's fine).
Is the job worth more? Are you confident you'll find someone else? Will you regret not picking the job over him?
You have to find out for yourself, FJ can't help you with that.
#110 to #15 - softdoritocat
Reply +2
(07/22/2014) [-]
You're 21. Career is more important than relationships at your age.
#31 to #15 - junkjack
Reply +2
(07/22/2014) [-]
Dump him. don't let your personal life influence your professional career
#30 to #15 - paintplayer
Reply +258
(07/22/2014) [-]
Boyfriend sounds like a bitch. Take the good job and tell him to hop on board or get bent
#2555 to #30 - poppies
Reply 0
(07/24/2014) [-]
Another update: I dumped him, now looking for flights back to England and on to Japan. I'm going to Nagano!
#1356 to #30 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
I agree. He should be supportive and happy about the better job opportunity you got, rather than force you to give it up. Essentially, if he is forcing you to give it up, he doesn't deserve you.
#1293 to #30 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
no ur a bitch
#930 to #30 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
im with this guy, however, you sais he has made sacrifices for you, before i call him whiney can you say what these sacrifices were if you dont mind?
#246 to #30 - poppies
Reply +10
(07/22/2014) [-]
Update.. I called him and he said he would come with me if there was a guarentee of a job for him too (you can go to Japan on a tourist visa and get a job whilst there but it's risky, and he'd be wasting $2000 if he had to go back home and start from scratch), he's selling his cars and giving up his job here to go to the one in Okaya, and pointed out to me that I'm not giving up much at all.
He basically implied if I leave him for this job then it means I don't really love him. I want this job badly but I do love him. But he's also said that I don't make him very happy so what's the point in staying in a relationship that's unhappy?
He said he'd made a lot of sacrifices and compromises for me, such as finding us an apartment in TN for when I came here when he could have been doing "other ****".
I feel guilty but.. I dont know what to do. I think I'm staying with him out of guilt and feeling obligated to more than anything. Would leaving him make me a horrible person?
#2508 to #246 - mistafishy
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
Ditch him if he won't let you live your dream. Don't kill yourself. You're worth plenty if someone gave you an awesome gig in Japan. Even if you didn't have a boyfriend or a great job opportunity, you still mean a lot to us, no matter what.

It might not be any of our business to know the details, but just do what feels right.
#2519 to #2508 - poppies
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
You're all so sweet.  I love you too.   
 in b4 gaaaayyyy
You're all so sweet. I love you too.
in b4 gaaaayyyy
#2457 to #246 - brozotheclown
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
If he's making you feel guilty why be with him, a partner should make you feel happy
#2477 to #2457 - poppies
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
I know. I feel really trapped, if I left him I'd just feel guilty. I feel like I owe him. I'm really considering just saying "**** it all", I've been contemplating suicide for a while now and I know how easy it would be. I've spent hours on end thinking about how to do it. Sometimes it feels like that is the only way out.
#2504 to #2477 - brozotheclown
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
Don't do it ok, I've been there before and If you just keep pushing through things will get better, and leaving someone will make you feel guilty for awhile, yes, but you just need to find that one person to make you feel happy in life.
#2115 to #246 - notreposter
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
than it's decided you don't love him, get on the plane and don't waste anymore of his and yours time.
#1801 to #246 - hawaiianhappysauce
Reply 0
(07/23/2014) [-]
Leave him.
#1649 to #246 - hoponthefeelstrain
Reply +1
(07/23/2014) [-]
he's trying to guilt you into staying and also throwing up old arguments in your face (the unhappiness and him always doing stuff for you). If those were real issues he would have brought them up sooner. Also if he's unhappy again, why stay in a relationship like that? he said it himself.
#1007 to #246 - olioh
Reply +1
(07/22/2014) [-]
he seems to try to guilt trip you pretty bad, but imho go for the job, you are young, and those opportunities are rare, us filthy men come and go, and from your comments i really recommend the job it will hurt at first but remember, men come and go, my english is pretty bad : <
#583 to #246 - luqmanr
Reply +1
(07/22/2014) [-]
Who's the wisest person you know? I think you should ask him/her for advice rather than FJ. My two cents
#613 to #583 - schmuxy
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
perhaps, but on funnyjunk there's a much larger populace, and the ones who feel compelled to answer will likely be the ones who know what they're talking about.
#1465 to #613 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
Or *********** cuntwhistles, but they're the minority in this thread.
#544 to #246 - KoeSavant
Reply +3
(07/22/2014) [-]
Tell him that you're going to do what you want to do and if HE really loved you he wouldnt make such a big deal out of it. I've given up so much for my girlfriend but i NEVEr mention any of it because i want her to be happy. I would get ****** in the ass by an elephant before calling her selfish for wanting to follow her dreams. Tell him that yeah you're selfish but at least you're not a dick about it and smear him in ****. You shouldnt be with guys who make you feel like you owe them on purpose.
#491 to #246 - wunderlichh
Reply +1
(07/22/2014) [-]
Reading of how he treats you does actually sounds like he owns you.
You have to follow your instincts, if you take the job maybe it leads to that you have to sacrifice your friend, but you will end up much happier in the long term.
#293 to #246 - paintplayer
Reply +22
(07/22/2014) [-]
Bail, he's a selfish douchebag and there's too many bros out there who would give you a good life wishing you would talk to them while this idiot takes advantage of you.
#2223 to #293 - pedrophile
Reply +6
(07/23/2014) [-]
ITT: White Knights defending a woman they know nothing about and automatically assume it's the dudes fault, while she's out complaining to you guys, shes ******* her boyfriend...
#2563 to #2223 - paintplayer
Reply 0
(07/30/2014) [-]
Not tryna white knight, although I see how it came across as that. Seems like common sense would dictate that she gtfo this relationship but then again, females age 15-25 ish have no dog gone idea what they want so I felt I should say something. And you're right she's probably on his dick right now.
#275 to #246 - anon
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
Someone making you feel like you're terrible for wanting success isn't a person you should be with at all. Think of how hypocritical his saying you're selfish is. Someone who really loves you will live your success vicariously and be with you the whole time pushing you on. If need be leave him. Someone hindering your life, really, truly isn't worth it.
#282 to #275 - goodatlosing
Reply +3
(07/22/2014) [-]
Sorry, forgot to log in.
#258 to #246 - schmuxy
Reply +4
(07/22/2014) [-]
Absolutely not, if he's making you feel that bad then it isn't working out anyway
#126 to #30 - anetheron
Reply 0
(07/22/2014) [-]
this