FML. . C) Erica On the 7/ was at 2: 27 PM ] Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff jumping, when for the First time, he told me he loved me. I panicked and pu
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FML

C) Erica On the 7/ was at 2: 27 PM ]
Today, my boyfriend and I were out cliff
jumping, when for the First time, he told me
he loved me. I panicked and pushed him
over the edge and into the water. He' s now
in hospital. FML
259'
61119
I Q On the 2/ 5/ 14 at was PM 9
Today, after years of counseling and therapy
for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words:
Happy Bird. FML
40944 I agree, your " sucks 186
ll Unknown On the 2/ 7/ 14 at was AM 6
Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk
while we were fooling around on the couch,
when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity
to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst
out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was
between her cheeks and the couch cushion.
I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet
old lady got on after me and sat next to me.
Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her
head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice,
I gently tried to wake her up before my stop
came. She wasn' t sleeping. I let a dead
woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
641 k I agree, your life sucks - 849
48340
I Q caroline On the 2/ 6/ 09 at 11: 29 AM 6
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend.
When he was about to orgasm, he
screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his
lungs. My name' s not Brittany. That' s his
sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 1 64
49513
I bittersweet On the 2/ was at was PM ,
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying "Hi." His
response: "l got your best friend pregnant".
FML
46144
Today, I was at the park when I saw a
homeless man sleeping on a bench. I
thought it would be funny to throw a small
rock at him. He thought it would be funny to
pull out his knife and chase me for six
blocks. FML
was
You deserved it
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I
barely know. I didn' t have a condom and
was nervous about getting her pregnant, but
she assured me that I could pull out. Right
when I was about to pull out, she wrapped
her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY
BABY' S DADDY!" I couldn' t get out in time.
FML
I agree, your life sucks 1661
You deserved it
Today, I forgot to do my French homework,
but since it was an online worksheet, I told
my teacher my internet wasn' t working. I
told her with an femail. FML
58401 1139
You deserved it
Tourist On the 3/ 26/ 09 at my AM ,
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I
spotted a large group of Asians trying to
take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say,
You... want me... take picture?" while using
hand motions. The man looks at me and
says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain
English. FML
58115 I agree, your " sucks i 793
You deserved it
...
+1361
Views: 47086
Favorited: 103
Submitted: 04/21/2014
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Comments(231):

[ 231 comments ]

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User avatar #1 - tripscausedthis (04/21/2014) [+] (14 replies)
>be me, 20
>dad's 52nd birthday party
>all you can eat chinese restaurant
>dad's kind of a dick, hates asians
>we use all the plates on our table
>dad stops an asian man on his way past
>"excuse me, more plates please"
>"uh...sorry" in broken english
>dad interrupts "don't be sorry just get us more clean plates"
>"i...no.....sorry"
>dad continues "no sorry, mate, just get us some plates"
>asian man is clearly flustered
>can't find the right words in his limited english
>"whats the problem mate we just want more plates"
>asian man is now panicing
>dad is now frustrated
>"how many times do i have to ask you mate"
User avatar #2 to #1 - tripscausedthis (04/21/2014) [-]
cont.
>"no times" replies asian man
>dad says "thats exactly right, i've asked a few times in english, i can't ask in chinese because I don't know the words for MORE PLATES in mongolian"
>asian man managers to stammer out his first relative sentence
>"i'm like you"
>dad is confused now too...
>whole table sits with their head in their hands
>"you're a lot of things mate, but like me isnt one of them"
>asian man finally grows some bravado and shouts at dad
>"I AM CUSTOMER TOO"
>whole restaurant loses it.
>dad goes and gets his own clean plates.
#19 - thebaseballexpert (04/21/2014) [+] (5 replies)
"BE MY BABY'S DADDY!"
#38 - tehcashew (04/22/2014) [+] (12 replies)
>be me, 18   
>have girlfriend of 6 months   
>says she wants to wait to have sex till marriage   
>say ok and will respect her wishes   
>continues to say this throughout relationship   
>2 weeks later   
>be at river swimming with 2 best friends   
>3, 9/10 girls float by on inner tubes   
>they stop by have half hour conversation with them   
>they say if we have condoms they are DTF   
>say no I have a girlfriend (kinda beta i know)   
>they leave   
>15 minutes later one friend receives a text   
>it's my Girlfriend   
>Thinks she's pregnant "how do i tell Tehcashew?"   
>immediately break up with her   
MFW GF wants to wait and cheats on me   
MFW just passed up sex with 9/10 for cheating whore 15 min prior
>be me, 18
>have girlfriend of 6 months
>says she wants to wait to have sex till marriage
>say ok and will respect her wishes
>continues to say this throughout relationship
>2 weeks later
>be at river swimming with 2 best friends
>3, 9/10 girls float by on inner tubes
>they stop by have half hour conversation with them
>they say if we have condoms they are DTF
>say no I have a girlfriend (kinda beta i know)
>they leave
>15 minutes later one friend receives a text
>it's my Girlfriend
>Thinks she's pregnant "how do i tell Tehcashew?"
>immediately break up with her
MFW GF wants to wait and cheats on me
MFW just passed up sex with 9/10 for cheating whore 15 min prior
#41 - gtfomylawnbish (04/22/2014) [+] (48 replies)
Alright, rarely do I find a moment on this site to give fatherly advice. At my age, I'm allowed to do this and assumingly at your age, you should listen. With that said....


NEVER

USE

THE

PULL

OUT

METHOD.


Ever. If a girl says "you don't need a condom" you need two.

A full half of adults in the US have an STD. 115 million people in the US have an STD.

Here's the scary part. Ready? 80% of those people do not know they have an STD.

"My pussy is clean" is short for "your dick will rot"
User avatar #11 - adu ONLINE (04/21/2014) [-]
You can't lose your virginity to a couch any more than you can your own palm, you spastic.
#8 - epodax (04/21/2014) [+] (12 replies)
If only there was a site where I could read these.... OH WAIT.... /www.fmylife.com/
#106 - mastersaturday (04/22/2014) [+] (5 replies)
I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him   
   
I hope this person dies soon.  They should be cleansed from this earth.
I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him

I hope this person dies soon. They should be cleansed from this earth.
#35 - Womens Study Major (04/22/2014) [+] (11 replies)
To all the people who clicked "you deserved it" on the pulling out one: Go ******* kill yourselves. You are less than garbage, you are primordial scum unfit for recreation into anything other than more such trash.
User avatar #39 to #35 - hoponthefeelstrain (04/22/2014) [-]
he had sex with a stranger and didn't wear protection..
#67 - Javapenguin (04/22/2014) [+] (6 replies)
mfw all these stories about girlfriends and boyfriends
mfw all these stories about girlfriends and boyfriends
#36 - ilbacondeity (04/22/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I don't know why, but when I climax (and depending on how comfortable I am with my partner), I like to yell out

"DEY TOOKER JERBS.... TOOKER.... Dey... Dey took er... jerbs..." And roll over.
#86 - Lintutu (04/22/2014) [+] (3 replies)
who the hell thinks it would be funny to throw rocks at people?
who the hell thinks it would be funny to throw rocks at people?
User avatar #69 - captainfuckitall (04/22/2014) [-]
Only an idiot actually tries to get on the bad side of a homeless man. The last thing you want is to make enemies out of someone who has nothing to lose.
User avatar #104 - plasticcup (04/22/2014) [+] (5 replies)
******* asians

what if that **** has a speech impediment?
User avatar #126 to #104 - Keoul (04/22/2014) [-]
They knew he didn't have any speech impediments because they read his mind.
#171 - mystifizinski (04/22/2014) [+] (8 replies)
you have a boyfriend, like a person you are together with because you love him, yet if he finally tells you you panick? i mean, is it so surprising that someone who is in a relationship with you actually has feelings for you?   
 speaking to the author of the text, not op of course...
you have a boyfriend, like a person you are together with because you love him, yet if he finally tells you you panick? i mean, is it so surprising that someone who is in a relationship with you actually has feelings for you?
speaking to the author of the text, not op of course...
#63 - MrDeadiron ONLINE (04/22/2014) [+] (19 replies)
The first ones funny because a similar thing happened when I drunkenly told a now ex of mine that I loved her.  The difference being that instead of pushing me off a cliff she decided to have multiple men push their dicks into her at once.
The first ones funny because a similar thing happened when I drunkenly told a now ex of mine that I loved her. The difference being that instead of pushing me off a cliff she decided to have multiple men push their dicks into her at once.
User avatar #68 - enigmaticspirit (04/22/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Here's my FML story:
>Every day of my life
#17 - bitremix (04/21/2014) [+] (2 replies)
i always wonder what kind of person the ******* that click you deserve it are
#165 - octagon (04/22/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Never understood why people think that speaking slow and loud makes people magically understand english better.
Never understood why people think that speaking slow and loud makes people magically understand english better.
User avatar #186 to #165 - ninjaroo (04/22/2014) [-]
You ever learned a second language? If you don't know it very well, it can take a few seconds to figure out what each word is, and it legitimately helps if they're louder, enunciate their words more clearly and talk slower.
User avatar #47 - toosexyforyou (04/22/2014) [-]
I'm quite certain that all of these are old jokes that existed long before they were posted on FML
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