die another day

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die another day. . ERICII tibial. fir, trat,' retten at, Tht/ helot, So there Iwas lying on my bed slitting my wrist, committing suicide. Rat poison and should

Tags: its | Not | my | Time | to | Go

ERICII
tibial.
fir,
trat,' retten
at, Tht/ helot,
So there Iwas lying on my bed slitting
my wrist, committing suicide.
Rat poison and should
really guarantee death.
I waited and waited.
Just lying there and not dying.
So I knotted some towels together
Put it on a tree to hang myself.
It broke the moment I tried to hang.
So I used my belt instead.
The belt broke as well.
So then I took off my clothes.
Knotted it and put it on the tree.
Broke again.
Narrator)
After so many failed suicide attempts,
Mou Giude felt like that
even heaven itself was teasing him.
Read: Even God was ******* with him.)
So there was this water heater at my
home that heats water.
I grabbed it
thinking electricity must be able to
kill me
turns out electricity could not kill me
The breaker tripped.
So I went out on the street
And hailed a .TEWW'. l
I gave = driver 50 RMB
And asked him to buy me a bottle of
pesticide
So he (Mou) went into the mountains
He drank the whole bottle of pesticide
And had a bellyache
It was so agonizing
Hearst tumbled down the hills
Rolling all the way to the roadside
And was rushed to hospital.

...

+2304

Views:	101060
Favorited:	191
Submitted:	09/06/2014

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[ 234 comments ]

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94 comments displayed.

+705

#3 - jamesbaxtersball (09/06/2014) [-]

Mfw reading this.

-38

#135 to #3 - darcandkharg (09/07/2014) [-]

Yeah, that's a perfectly reasonable response to a suicidal man. You're a ******* prick.

+43

#139 to #135 - burdenedsoul (09/07/2014) [-]

yeah, its called a ******* joke you idiot

-50

#141 to #139 - darcandkharg (09/07/2014) [-]

Your sense of humor is a ******* joke "burdenedsoul", ha, loser.

+13

#169 to #141 - iamtheballsack (09/07/2014) [-]

Damn ***** , why would you even be on this site? it's full of dark humor

-26

#171 to #169 - darcandkharg (09/07/2014) [-]

Shut the **** up you little nub, I'll express myself however I damn well please.

+16

#193 to #171 - Digitalphear (09/07/2014) [-]

So how's 6th grade goin?

-15

#196 to #193 - darcandkharg (09/07/2014) [-]

Oh, the "Hurr duur lel user must be 12" response, how many times did you **** that generic crap reply outta your ass so far?

#198 to #196 - burdenedsoul (09/07/2014) [-]

so how's the 8th grade going?

-8

#199 to #198 - darcandkharg (09/07/2014) [-]

******* craptacular, they keep telling me that adults need a visitors pass and i'm not allowed to talk to kids who aren't mine. Like really, if I had my own I wouldn't be there.

-6

#204 to #198 - pinkiecreampi (09/07/2014) [-]

shut ure faggot mouth retard

#205 to #204 - burdenedsoul (09/07/2014) [-]

-4

#206 to #205 - pinkiecreampi (09/07/2014) [-]

i gona ******* stab ur *********

#208 to #206 - burdenedsoul (09/07/2014) [-]

#197 to #135 - awesomanium (09/07/2014) [-]

Damn, he should've put a trigger warning in there.

+12

#167 to #3 - colonelroymustang (09/07/2014) [-]

Won't... or can't?

+303

#17 - Sworley (09/06/2014) [-]

#240 to #17 - jacksipian (09/07/2014) [-]

his son was also gay, that's why he said that

+11

#153 to #17 - supercookieduster ONLINE (09/07/2014) [-]

lol stalin, you crazy asshole

+137

#6 - imalamp (09/06/2014) [-]

+58

#182 - Churchandtex (09/07/2014) [-]

+47

#174 - pwnagraphy (09/07/2014) [-]

Lucky **** , mine just prints money and dispenses rainbow cocaine

#180 to #174 - anon (09/07/2014) [-]

Mine just dispenses cocain and weed.

#216 to #174 - skilletpanhead (09/07/2014) [-]

Mine just screams racial slurs at visitors.

#186 to #174 - spanishninja ONLINE (09/07/2014) [-]

holy **** mine just makes ice
damnit

+51

#63 - reican (09/07/2014) [-]

the asian Rasputin

+55

#22 - sanbonzakura ONLINE (09/06/2014) [-]

"please all mighty Satan take me"

+418

#1 - magnonymous (09/06/2014) [-]

"So there was this water heater at my home that heats water" Well, no **** .

#201 to #1 - frenzyhero (09/07/2014) [-]

Well, at least we know it isn't broken.

#220 to #1 - cubanwhiteman (09/07/2014) [-]

Reminded me of this.

#116 to #1 - becauseoprahsaidso (09/07/2014) [-]

It's possible to have a water heater that doesn't heat water if it's broken.

#91 to #1 - jumba (09/07/2014) [-]

in mandarin, you state the use of the object first. so in this case, he was just being detailed about which water heater he was using. when directly translated, it sounds like common sense

#191 to #91 - lolme (09/07/2014) [-]

How do you say it in Lemon?

+16

#30 to #1 - piripirinorse (09/06/2014) [-]

He drank a bottle of pesticide and rolled down a mountain. Give him a break already!

+48

#11 to #1 - darkjustifier (09/06/2014) [-]

isn't this a translation? maybe they have to say it that way in their language, i don't ******* know i only speak english

#89 to #11 - anon (09/07/2014) [-]

it seems dumb in english but it makes more sense in chinese

+157

#12 - thechosentroll (09/06/2014) [-]

He must have pissed off Thanos or something.

#213 to #12 - elcreepo ONLINE (09/07/2014) [-]

Thanatos.

#225 to #213 - thechosentroll (09/07/2014) [-]

No, no, no. Thanatos is the god. Thanos is the Marvel character.

#246 to #225 - exotic (09/07/2014) [-]

why is either more relevant than the other :/

#249 to #246 - thechosentroll (09/07/2014) [-]

Because they're different people?

-3

#148 to #12 - exotic (09/07/2014) [-]

thanatos

i think

i only know this because eve online

and age of mythology kinda

but that was like 8 years ago

#155 to #148 - anon (09/07/2014) [-]

Thanos is a marvel character that placed a curse on life on deadpool because the personification(or something close to it) of death was a woman(again, or something close to it) who thanos had a crush on but she liked deadpool. So if deadpool can't die, he can't get in the way and thanos can keep trying to get into death's skirt with a crazy mutant(with game) hanging around.

#164 to #155 - anon (09/07/2014) [-]

It's pretty ******* obvious that's still not what op meant.

#200 to #164 - thechosentroll (09/07/2014) [-]

That's exactly what I meant.

#211 to #12 - imnotkickthecat ONLINE (09/07/2014) [-]

+58

#103 - fuckinfuckinfuck (09/07/2014) [-]

Poor guy's so bad at life he can't even kill himself properly.

...Or does that make him good at life?

#170 to #103 - junknstuff (09/07/2014) [-]

Good at keeping it, that's for sure

+29

#67 - acheryus (09/07/2014) [-]

looks like some one need to talk to mr. Glass

#242 to #67 - jacksipian (09/07/2014) [-]

what movie?

#73 to #67 - bvsfang (09/07/2014) [-]

YES

+33

#25 - warioteam (09/06/2014) [-]

maybe 10 years from now he will cure cancetr or some ****

#26 to #25 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

or cure suicide

+59

#29 to #26 - lebrew (09/06/2014) [-]

Doctor! This patient has a severe case of suicide. What do we do? Give him a dose of ******** , and tell me how the situation progresses.

-4

#28 to #26 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

How do you cure suicide? Simplify things. People attempt suicide to escape a complex and overbearing world, when really they should put their firmly-affiliated feet down and fix it!

#31 to #28 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

Well he has a first hand experience with a lot of the methods, im sure if he put his mind to suicide research he could cure it with like a pill or vaccine or something

-4

#32 to #31 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

Suicide is psychological. Not physiological.

#34 to #32 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

you dense ************ its a joke

-5

#35 to #34 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

You gotta be pretty dense to take suicide lightly.

#36 to #35 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

no i dont do drugs

-3

#37 to #36 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

I don't either.

#38 to #37 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

We have a lot in common, wanna hook up ?x

-5

#39 to #38 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

No.

#40 to #39 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

Was it the sneaky "x"? Did I scare you off with it?

#41 to #40 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

#42 to #41 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

dat awkward moment wen u r a cat

-2

#43 to #42 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

AKA: Laziness.

#44 to #43 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

if its a thumb down war you're looking for, it's a thumb down war you've got

-2

#48 to #44 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

LET'S GO! ************ !!!

#49 to #48 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

Im already the crowd favourite! You've deleted a comment and therefore have shown weakness

-4

#50 to #49 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

It was a legitimate error in grammar.

#51 to #50 - QuakinDuck (09/06/2014) [-]

Winners don't make errors. Whether they're legitimate or not

#55 to #51 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

RULES OF CONFLICT.

RULE #1. THERE ARE NO RULES.
RULE #2. THE FIRST PERSON WHO THINKS THEY CAN MAKE THE RULES LOSES.

#54 to #51 - scowler has deleted their comment [-]

-1

#76 to #51 - scowler has deleted their comment [-]

#47 to #44 - scowler has deleted their comment [-]

+30

#33 to #25 - scowler (09/06/2014) [-]

Or maybe encourage people to triple-check their comments before posting them.

#250 to #33 - scowler (09/07/2014) [-]

Good to see that people agree.

It's 2014, if you have the time to surf the web, you should have the inclination to do so with class!

+67

#9 - mankey (09/06/2014) [-]

Goldeneye > Die Another Day

#154 to #9 - pillows (09/07/2014) [-]

Spoiler if you haven't seen it.
Doesn't he die like right after that from the liquid nitrogen freezing him?

#157 to #154 - WitchKingTroll (09/07/2014) [-]

He says it multiple times throughout the film. When the climactic scene plays out and the entire facility manages to collapse around him, leaving him without a scratch, he swells with confidence and screams "Yes! I am invincible!" just before several tanks of liquid nitrogen spill out over him, killing him.