Dating General Thread

whitenerdy

Don't get me wrong, the fact that people have been hooking up on a website that people browse in the free in a way to waste time away, is very cool. I myself was surprised by the quality of people, male and female on FJ. I mean that I know imageboards and **** like that has become more mainstream with the maymays n **** , but holy hell.

However the reason why the vast majority of people here are so excited by the fact that they can meet a person with the same hobbies and interests as themselves, only shows that the vast majority of people here, are without GF/BF.

Hell, if I wanted to choose a woman to which I should be dating I would want one with similar interests, however, this does not always seem to be the case. In fact sometimes when you finally have the opportunity to talk or date the person in question that you find attractive you are more likely to spill the 'sketti because of your lack of experience, normally I would kid around and **** with people in general because I'm a dick, but somehow when I read/hear/ about more and more people shunning dating and women in general because of bad experiences, I simply didn't have it in my heart to, ******* , see people eager to leave the nest too early only to find out that they didn't really know how to flap their wings, which I see and hear more and more on the dating scene

I'm no Chad Thundercock, I'm on funnyjunk for a reason, but if you have any questions, dating related, hell even tinder/sex related, ask. I, and hopefully some other old and wise silverback will answer to the best of our ability.

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Dating General Thread. Don't get me wrong, the fact that people have been hooking up on a website that people browse in the free in a way to waste time away, is

Tags: Dating | someshit

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Submitted:	06/10/2015

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#1 - ownageburrito (06/10/2015) [-]

Eh...

Yeah okay I'll ask.

So I'm a dude, 21 years old out of college with a job. In my field. Data Networking is fun. It's amazing, I know. Straight out of college with a great job and saving to pay off his student loans in just two years? I hit the life jackpot. Well, excluding the next bit...

I've never had a GF. Had a horrible experience with it in highschool but that's not important (maybe I'll post it as a story sometime.) but after all of that teenage ******** , I essentially adopted the attitude of " **** relationships, acquire education and money." But now I've somewhat got that. And you can probably see where this is going. It's fine most of the time, but those quiet moments at my place alone...

Yeah. You know what I'm talking about.

So here's my question... Where do I go to meet people?

I literally deal with people older then me all the time. It's so rare for me to find a GUY and far less to meet a chick of any kind that's my age during the day when I work/go to town.

I've looked at online dating before, but I kind of shy away from it. After seeing so many horror stories about catfishing/psychopaths/traps I just don't really trust it. Know what I mean? Any kind of advice would be great.

By the way, before you ask, yes I'm social. I'm not exactly someone who seeks out people to talk with (probably my problem) but I love hanging out with my bros online and for stuff like vidya.

And yes I lift.

#2 to #1 - whitenerdy [OP](06/10/2015) [-]

Funny, I have kinda the complete opposite story, I'll 'spoiler' it for you if you don't want to read it and simply want the advice and TL;DR

Warning; it's long
I gone to 5-6 different middle/grade schools, I was always the new unpopular kid, had social anxiety and really beat myself up not having friends and going to school too far away to simply invite people over. At some point, I simply said to myself that I wanted to be popular and cool, and didn't focus that much on school coming out of high school, it was a bumpy road filled with rejection and such, although with the many years I had been bullied by the very same people, you get pretty jaded after some time. When I was 18 I started going to the clubs and bars with this scrawny guy who didn't even have the self-confidence to go around publicly without a suit, and simply sat down to tables and starting to talk to people, you would be suprised how rarely you get rejected when you're being genuine, and have a relaxed posture. Of cause, social savyness came slow for the both of us, but within a few months, we sat at a table with two chicks, simply talking, and when one of them left and the other one talking to me, I didn't my spegetti when I asked her to dance with me, nor when I kissed her a few minutes after that, nor when I asked if she wanted to get some fresh air and got her number, nervous? sure. But all that talking to other women in the bar that with that in mind that the goal wasen't to pull them out into the toilet and pound them, but simply talking to them. Made me relax and fell like I was in my element after some time.

you feel out of your element at the club/bar scene, and I'm not suggesting that you simply be dropped off a few miles off the coast to swim back and notice that it's not that dangerous after all, when you have a phobia for water.

A suggested course would be to take slow babysteps to work yourself into the mindset, instead of simply making plans for an impossible diet to lose weight and simply giving up half way, if you catch my drift

Now I live in a decent sized town, I can go to the station and talk to people that I'm fairly certain I wouldn't meet again, or even remember them. Try go around asking for the time, say your phone is out or whatever, then ask if they have been living in the town for awhile now, and then steer the conversation to whatever you want. The political scene, nightlife, whatever.

The same principle you use there, you use in the club/bar scene, you might not be the most suave or funny guy there, but you know what? **** that. You know how rare it is for guys and girls to have an actual genuine conversation and not just some guy trying to boast or prove how he's better then the rest? Try this: go to whomever and use what is called [an opener] it's a simple conversation starter, foolproof and tested hundreds of times. Go to a table and simply say that your brothers German Sheppard who just had puppies and they're in need of names, and ask if they're willing to help.

You can then steer the conversation to anywhere you want, how that they're actually a mix between German Sheppard and Alaskan Malamute, what kind of dog they had growing up if they had any, what it meant for you having a dog growing up, politics, stand-up comedy, and so on.

A keypoint to remember is:
You're not being rejected, they're just pathetic
Scenario, I walk into a bar with a purple shirt, some girls giggle while pointing at me, I walk up and asks what's up, next to the girls are two guys, and they mentioned very harshly that they were taken. I simply shrugged, smiled and bought a beer. People have no reason what so ever to simply tell you to **** off when you come up not being obnoxious, and not threatning. And even if they did, would you want to have a conversation with those people? Plenty of fish in the sea.

#3 to #2 - ownageburrito (06/10/2015) [-]

That's some good advice. Particularly about the opening thing. But I think maybe I didn't really explain my situation very well. Starting conversations and holding them is easy and I can do it. My problem is that I live in the middle of nowhere.

No, seriously. My town has a population of around 500. The nearest big city (also where I work.) is a decently sized town of around 10,000. I've never been to a club/bar though, so maybe I should try that...

And I guess maybe it is a confidence thing. I haven't attempted due to not wanting to feel rejection again, but again that's just something I have to man up a bit to get over.

Oh, another question by the way if you don't mind. How does one ask for things like a date? Or am I just overcomplicating it and just need to say "Ay gurl, wanna go get some food?" or something along those lines?

#4 to #3 - whitenerdy [OP](06/10/2015) [-]

Living in a small time town with bad logistical options can be a pain, but I guess you are within driving distance? There must be some form of public transportation available

Yes, you're overthinking it but simply saying "You want to get some lunch/coffee?" is probably the hardest thing to do with a straight face when you have low self esteem and/or confidence however, meaning that you either don't feel good enough with yourself, or lack experience. I don't even flinch when I ask for numbers or dates, I might as well have been asking for a light or what time it is

Also, in my experience it's better to not fake confidence, you need to say it as it is, not "ey gurl want sum **** ?" but "Want to come by my place?"
it's infinite times as hot for a woman when the guy knows what he wants, and says it straight up