D&D Stories #9. uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments. Playing as with same 1“: in ear green plays like an my character {Lawf
Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search

hide menu

D&D Stories #9

uploading stories I collected feel free to post your own in the comments

Tags: FJ | DnD | moose
Playing as with same
1“: in ear green plays like an
my character {Lawful him a mien hatee ' ?
and tells him in drink we detente a tight
Next tight aims eftir. ~ be same weird fey. fears half he party in
gm he birst mind.
lhm' guys, I got this shitt"
is a were mien
I asks he BM since he shares an This link with his {unease}
If l mgmt, ' be under he pollen?
it . hesitates mime answering yes
J: -Liesse begins in mgmt evil my mum
an in hit
achieved
begins prematurely in his am
mm when watering a muse modernize a giant evil fairy while a dwarf mils amend en he gound eun' I' ring... all because mun
...
+725
Views: 31433
Favorited: 74
Submitted: 07/11/2014
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to xxhadesflamesxx E-mail to friend submit to reddit
Share image on facebook Share on StumbleUpon Share on Tumblr Share on Pinterest Share on Google Plus E-mail to friend

Comments(139):

[ 139 comments ]

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Show:   Top Rated Controversial Best Lowest Rated Newest Per page:
Order:
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#2 - skorve ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Oh man, I got a good one.

>Be first campaign for me and a bunch of others
>No idea what we're doing
>After a bunch of ridiculous shit, we end up fighting a gigantic serpent
>Thousand feet tall, wants to destroy the world
>My priest friend attempts to throw me onto its back with Helping Hand
>Roll 1, fail so bad I lose the spell that allows me to walk on water while fighting
>Other friend rolling for 1 damage again and again, I'm trying to crawl up the thing's back, nobody's being useful
>The thing one-shots our highest damage dealer
>One friend loses hope and tries to run to a gigantic turtle he's decided to worship
>Gets eaten on his way, he spent about 4 turns doing no damage
>Everyone bitches him out, he says "as if my lack of damage mattered"

We all died and failed our first ever campaign. MFW world-eater lived with 1 health and our DM laughed his ass off
#18 - killakahn (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
>d&d 3.5e (no clue what e is)
>Tomb of Horrors
>First time playing d&d
>DM makes everyone level 9 just for the Tomb of Horrors
>I am a Human Ranger
>Party of 5, including me
>Half Celestial Orc thing, 2 Elves, one rogue the other a cleric, and a gnome wizard
>We start, come across 3 possible entrances
>Clear a tunnel and head inside on entrance, with a large door at the end
>Gnome decides to cast open/close on door
>Ceiling collapses, we all fail our rolls and die instantly
>Session finished in 5 minutes while our DM laughs his ass off
#15 - HSkieth (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Fuck yes, 3rd time i get to share my best dnd moment.
>Be me playing half-orc half dragon, ergo retard strength
>Roomate playing swashbuckling druid who knows more sea animals then people
>Party is under a spell in a giant ball room where if you dont follow the dance moves you take fatigue dmg and cant leave untill the spell is broken.
>Party is about to pass out before the swashbuckling druid and I come up with epic plan
>Next tempo rolls around, Retard strength dragons turn, he bows left, bows right, twirls left, picks up captin killion, throws him above most members in ball room.
>Captin killion the druid casts shape of whale. proceeds to deal 20d6 dmg in a 20x20 square.
>Rest of crowd furious with anger charges us with weapons drawn.
>Roll initiative, cue soon to be tpk
>Druid gets highest initiative, and casts spider climb to roll across the floor
>We killed 70 members at the ball room, 10 at the royal family table, the caster of the magical dance spell, and are other party member.
>Mfw the spell wasnt broken bye killing everything and we danced are selfs to death.
User avatar #25 - sirbearington (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
GROWL ROAR GROWL, GRR GRR. HRGRH HFFT GRRRR GROWL GROAR HFFT GROWLYROAR GRRRRN.
User avatar #22 - LordRaymond ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (1 reply)
>Playing 3.5 with friends, roll Munod the Simple
>14 str, 16 con... 7 int; Munod is a Dwarven commoner
>Munod uses only a broom and his bare fists as weaponry
>Eventually, while fighting against a bunch of racist pseudo-nazis, party gets taken hostage.
>Held in a cell, get in prison fight which Munod wins by virtue of having all his feats be related to punching shit to death.
>Later down the line, get taken in front of the court and "sentenced' (even though we know we're gonna be executed).
>DM obviously planning chance to escape, hinting at our nation planning breakout.
>Fuckthisshit.jpg
>We're all bound by wrist and ankle shackles. My turn, glance around a bit.

>"I roll to break my chains

>Natural 20
>Munod gives a mighty roar, snapping his wrist shackles.
>Forget about leg chains, faceplant when trying to escape.
>Guards are still stunned, manage to roll 18 to break leg shackles.
>Sprint to nearest window. Roll to break bars.
>With a mighty "MUNOD SMASH", slam apart the bars with a resounding punch.
>Tumble gracefully out the window, hide in a bale of hay and then murder a passing servant and steal his clothes.
>Fail disguise check anyway.
>End up barreling through three armed guards at the gate to the fort we're being held in, take multiple arrow wounds but survive with 2 hp.
>Party finds me in the forest, sleeping peacefully under a tree with several arrows still in my back.
Later on I got sold into slavery to a bunch of elves, but that's a whole different story.
#27 - tsds (07/12/2014) [+] (13 replies)
>Playing an Assassin    
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)   
> Sword talks   
> I'm an Otaku   
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
>Playing an Assassin
> Finds a awesome talking blade (Zalco if you have the magical item list)
> Sword talks
> I'm an Otaku
> DM makes the Sword a Tsundere so it never does my commands.
#3 - qun (07/12/2014) [+] (5 replies)
d&d story
>i'm a dwarf fighter
>fight a motherfucking orc chieftain
>almost kills me
>manage to kill it while in a red
>pat the little gnome ally over the head like a good pet
>rip off the head of the orc chieftain and dance with it like a mad raving tribal jackass with more downs than an elevator
>party looks at me like "the hell is he on"
> i yell at them "I'M A FUCKING CHAOTIC NEUTRAL I DO WHAT I WANT"
>mfw dm accepts it
User avatar #17 - criv (07/12/2014) [-]
Pathfinder
>I'm a Gnome Bard
>Lord Beauregard Cornelius Arenfield III
>My backstory is, basically, that I'm a despicable alcoholic (lost 7 years to binge blackout)
>I sometimes get very in character
>This particular session lasted 6 and a half hours
>For me, that entire day lasted only 6
>Top shelf whiskey is an expensive weakness to have
>After blacking out I am no longer criv
>I am Lord Beauregard incarnate
>The party is split, its just me and our thief
>we rock at perception and hear something coming
>Being half-conscious myself, He manages to grapple me and climb into a tree
>It's the final boss of the chapter, who we aren't supposed to be able to kill
>She straight fucked us last session
>Lord Beauregard wishes to rain righteous fury on this bitch
>"Have at thee, wench!"
>I fall out of the tree on her
>"Goddamnit Beauregard"
>Supposedly we won, I was napping in the bathroom at this point

tl;dr Create an alcoholic and really get in character, you will not regret it.
#8 - barstoolninja ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (8 replies)
>playing D&D for first time, not sure which version
>be half orc rouge, chaotic neutral alignment
>DM and party visibly annoyed because I was fucking around with my character sheet(for size I put 12 inch dick, put points in diplomacy despite protests, insisted on being half bear, etc)
>leave tavern to begin quest, flip over every table on way to door
>go piss in town well
>town constable comes to stop me
>roll for diplomacy, critical failure
>DM: "You tell her to piss off or you'll rip out her entrails. It doesn't work"
>constable tries to arrest me
>inform her of my 12 inch dick
>get arrested
>rest of party has to try and get me out
>finally released
>flip over table in town jail on way out
#10 to #9 - anonymous (07/12/2014) [-]
>at one point, I whacked an enemy in the face with my dick just because I could

Did you roll for damage?
#11 - anonymous (07/12/2014) [+] (2 replies)
I have no idea what are you talking about. Is that a video game? A cardboard game? Then how comes someone is "ejaculating" and so on?.. Is it, like, drawn on pieces of paper, that rare case when shit like that actually happens?.. Or you just made up the whole story (which sounds uber-autistic)? Google tell that D&D is just a set of rules for RPGs, nothing about masturbating dwarfs.
#16 to #11 - norkas ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
>has never heard of DnD

commit sudoku
#53 - Rvalldrgg (07/12/2014) [-]
I'll attempt to relay this tale of my first time playing Descent It's going to be terrible. Me relaying the story, not the story itself.

Descent
>Party of 4, 5 if you include the DM
>I'm an orc or some shit, the others a mix of human/dwarf/elves
>Depart from town to dungeon, located in a well below the town
>All going good for a while, a few monster battles, a few wall spikes
>Suddenly, DM announces a large host of creatures can be heard down a hallway to the right and around a corner
>Everyone decides I should go take them on, because beginner's luck or something
I think my character had berserk or some ability that let me take on as many mobs as I wanted to at one time
>DM gets a little nervous about this, says there's many obstacles between me and the mob of mobs
>I roll 20 after 20 after 20, dodging these obstacles, mainly bottomless pits
>The very last bottomless pit I come to before I beat the shit in of these mobs, I roll
>1
>Critical Failure
>I fall into the hole amid everyone at the table losing their shit, after which they sum up my first time playing Descent as:

A surprisingly agile Orc jumps over bottomless pit after bottomless pit, only to trip over a pebble and swan dive into the final pit before he was able to save the entire party from thirty or so flying beasts.

MFW critical fail
User avatar #40 - torchrose ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
>playing GURPS with friends online (GURPS is like DnD but not)
>Campaign starts
>My character + other guy's robbing caravan of everyone else
>roll to throw an axe at the guard
>fail, axe hits the carriage
>charge with sword
>fail, miss
>bard goes to attack me
>roll for block
>fail, get smacked
>swing at bodyguard
>critical fail, trip and hit my head on a rock
>Pass out, get tied up and thrown in the back of the carriage
>partner had incredibly low intelligence so caravan people convinced him to stop fighting them
And that's how I became a failure in my first campaign. I ended up being the most hated person in that group (In the game, not IRL), but was also the main hitter so they had to keep me around
User avatar #43 to #42 - torchrose ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
>We get to city
>decide we're going to split up and have smaller campaigns until the next time everyone can get together
>I end up DMing for Valen
>he goes into a pub
>Ends up getting into an argument with another guy
>rolls to cast spark to light this guy on fire
>succeeds
>Many rolls by pub patrons to notice him setting the guy on fire
>all fail
>Roll to notice him on fire at all
>all fail
>guy burns to death while nobody notices
>Valen rolls to drag his body from the pub
>Succeeds, starts dragging body down the street with pub goers not noticing
>decides to dump the body in a well
>make him roll every time he passes someone for them to notice
>7 people pass by
>all fail perception check
>successfully sets a guy on fire in a bar, drags him down a street, and dumps him in a well while about 30 people go about their business without noticing

And that was the last time I DM'd for anyone
#89 - fourohforum (07/12/2014) [-]
>Be DM for epic campaign.   
>Annoying guy wants to join campaign.   
>refuse   
>campaign ends   
>decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him   
>first comes across big party of orcs.   
>burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.   
>he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.   
>takes over town with a handful of helpers   
>convinces some orcs to help him take over town.   
>barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.   
>Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.   
>Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.   
>They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.   
>One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.   
>mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
>Be DM for epic campaign.
>Annoying guy wants to join campaign.
>refuse
>campaign ends
>decide to give annoying guy a break. make new campaign just for him
>first comes across big party of orcs.
>burns their tents, steals their stuff, and runs.
>he wants to rule the entire continent he's on.
>takes over town with a handful of helpers
>convinces some orcs to help him take over town.
>barricades his new town and steals random stuff from everywhere.
>Thinks he's the best around, killing dozens of unarmed NPC's.
>Thoroughly irritated I send the players from last campaign on a quest to kill him.
>They arrive. All are twice his level and could one-shot kill him.
>One player tells everyone to stop, talks to orcs and tells them about the orc camp the player killed like a douche.
>mfw orcs take him away to kill him on their own violent torture terms.
#73 - machtung ONLINE (07/12/2014) [+] (3 replies)
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
Well I know what I'm doing in my next campaign
#122 to #73 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
you're welcome.   
   
(Comments deleted because fucking addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
you're welcome.

(Comments deleted because fucking addy's making my inner Grammarnazi VERY angry.)
User avatar #47 - AllanLancebricole (07/12/2014) [+] (6 replies)
Don't mean to be the annoying guy, but I have a question. As a paladin can detect evil... How come you were still in the group, alive ?
User avatar #112 to #47 - Sabre (07/12/2014) [-]
"Paladin" was an oversimplification; he was a lawful neutral champion of the god Brodin. Our GM gave him a lot of leeway because it was his first character; he played like a moron most of the time. The only reason I didn't try to kill him in his sleep was A) We were both dwarves and B) He was really easy to manipulate, often for hilarious results.
#45 - soldiertwo (07/12/2014) [+] (14 replies)
can you actual do sexual stuf in this game?
#108 to #58 - soldiertwo (07/12/2014) [-]
oh its not a video game.
#76 - doubleac (07/12/2014) [+] (9 replies)
Dungeons and Dragons? Is that what D&D is? at the risk of sounding dumb, I ask this.
User avatar #61 - imagnetsux (07/12/2014) [+] (10 replies)
this game may be a lot more interesting than I originally thought.
#56 - keltainenlumi ONLINE (07/12/2014) [-]
D&D stories!
[ 139 comments ]
Leave a comment
 Friends (0)