Colin Mochrie: Pun Master. .. Mary Poppins recently moved to California she's making a fortune telling people's futures by smelling their breath sign outside reads: Super California Mystic,
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User avatar #9 - skittyjess (04/11/2014) [+] (10 replies)
Mary Poppins recently moved to California

she's making a fortune telling people's futures by smelling their breath

sign outside reads: Super California Mystic, Expert Halitosis.

I can't believe i logged in just for this

#2 - faimbot (04/10/2014) [+] (4 replies)
The minister of linguistics in Germany had recently vowed to overhaul the german language in order to make the country seem more friendly. He said he would start be removing the word "no"  completely from the language, to ensure a more positive and welcoming Germany.   
   
Sadly it was noted earlier today, that the minister of linguistics tragically passed away today after receiving a particularly odorous salad, smell of which was so powerful he had a heart attack, it seems the overhaul will not be going ahead as planned as it seems a stench in thyme saves "nein".
The minister of linguistics in Germany had recently vowed to overhaul the german language in order to make the country seem more friendly. He said he would start be removing the word "no" completely from the language, to ensure a more positive and welcoming Germany.

Sadly it was noted earlier today, that the minister of linguistics tragically passed away today after receiving a particularly odorous salad, smell of which was so powerful he had a heart attack, it seems the overhaul will not be going ahead as planned as it seems a stench in thyme saves "nein".
#6 - Wumbologist (04/11/2014) [-]
A group of Franciscan monks settled on some private property of Hugh Hefner and began selling flowers. They were in violation of a few laws (no liscence, etc.), but when police tried to arrest them they found they couldn't access the property the flower shop was located on.   
   
In short, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
A group of Franciscan monks settled on some private property of Hugh Hefner and began selling flowers. They were in violation of a few laws (no liscence, etc.), but when police tried to arrest them they found they couldn't access the property the flower shop was located on.

In short, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.
#7 - thebaseballexpert (04/11/2014) [-]
When sam finally got a date to prom he told himself he needed three things: A tux, a limo, and flowers.

So he first goes to the tailor to get a suit, but when he got there there was a Tuxedo line. So he stands in line, gets his tux and goes home.

The next day, he goes to the rental place to rent a limo. But when he gets there, there is a limo line. So he stands in line, rents a limo, and goes home.

The day before prom, he goes the florist for some flowers, but when he gets there, there is a flower line. So he stands in line, gets the flowers, and goes home.

The day of prom comes, and everything is going exactly as expected. His date loves everything. So she asks him to get some punch for her. So he walks over to the punch bowl and there is no punch line.
User avatar #8 - thegayman (04/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says,

"It's a knick-knack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
User avatar #33 - sweetdickwilly (04/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
A 4"10 supernatural expert was convicted of first degree murder and sentenced to life in prison.

Recently, there was a large prison break, and she was believed to be part of it.

We currently have a Small Medium at Large
#28 - mankey (04/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
Comment Picture
#17 - xcoreyx (04/11/2014) [+] (4 replies)
So paddy = cow? What?
User avatar #37 - samxdaxman (04/11/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I submitted ten jokes to a pun contest hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.
User avatar #5 - Crazywarriorman (04/11/2014) [-]
Here it is at about 9:40 in. I recommend watching the whole thing. Colin Mochrie is a genius!

www.youtube.com/watch?v=79wm06j3_gM
#27 - Absolute Madman (04/11/2014) [+] (3 replies)
I like to look at naked women.
User avatar #40 to #27 - dickticklerluv (04/11/2014) [-]
you sick ****
#43 - awesomechardey (04/11/2014) [+] (2 replies)
Can someone explain this to an eurofag?
User avatar #35 - coolharry (04/11/2014) [-]
LOLXD
User avatar #31 - konradkurze (04/11/2014) [+] (3 replies)
always have to question how americans laugh thair asses off at stuff worthy of only a few giggles anywhere else in the world
#38 to #31 - Absolute Madman (04/11/2014) [-]
We have souls
#26 - Absolute Madman (04/11/2014) [+] (2 replies)
I tell my flat chested gf it doesn't matter, but I want to play with boobies so bad every time I see some (on porn or random female citizens). The sex is pretty good anyways...
#16 - Absolute Madman (04/11/2014) [-]
Today in the News Conjoined twin John and Richard Bird were found dead in their home
Forensic reports that the cause of death was a infection from a kidney stone.
Police would like to would like to remind the public that one stone can kill two birds
User avatar #1 - maybehuman (04/10/2014) [+] (1 reply)
why has this show stoped it was so good.
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