Close, but no cigar

mrcakes

>Be 10 walking back from school.
> guy in Chiefs hat walks up, about 10 feet in front of me and stops
>He looks at me and says hey man, do you have a pen? Im about to get Trent Greens autograph,
>im like, dude i want his autograph too.
>i follow him about 50 yds to his car in an alley.
>i was so excited to get his autograph i wasnt catching on to any of the warning signs.
>see nignog out of the corner of my eye,
>nignog stops and looks
>nignog developes some sort of swag/gangster walk and comes closer to us
>Guy with chiefs hat tries to get me to get in his car
>Offers me candy when i say no.
>Nignog gets closer and says " ********* is go-Nawn?"
>Guy says hes "taking his son home from school"
>I say "You're not my dad"
>Guy with hat says here, take this candy and get in the car"
>Nignog says if he gives me candy hes gonna shoot him.
>Guy with hat gave me a kingsize Peanut butter cup
>Nignog shoots guy with hat in the chest and looks at me and yells
>" ******** "
>I run home and tell mom what happened.
>Cops come, do a police report and lie about what nignog looked like.
>I spend about a year thinking some Chiefs fan died because he gave me candy
>On 11th birthday
>Gift time
>Get Trent Green signed footbal
*Bam*
>Instant realization that i was about to get raped
>Mfw

Close, but no cigar. >Be 10 walking back from school. > guy in Chiefs hat walks up, about 10 feet in front of me and stops >He looks at me and says hey

Tags: almost got it

+770

Views:	28775
Favorited:	83
Submitted:	11/01/2014

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+238

#5 - stonerjesus (11/01/2014) [-]

I read that entire thing as chefs hat until the football came up. I'm a ******* idiot

#19 to #5 - kozdafunny (11/02/2014) [-]

Same.

#25 to #5 - anonefgthree (11/02/2014) [-]

I read it twice until I got it

#40 to #5 - itembox (11/02/2014) [-]

Same

#85 to #5 - anon (11/02/2014) [-]

at first i thought he was talking about a master chief hat or something...

#82 to #5 - anon (11/02/2014) [-]

I think I know who you were thinking of...

+24

#11 to #5 - Quixo (11/01/2014) [-]

It looks like he was cooking up some trouble. I thought it said chef's hat too.

#10 - anon (11/01/2014) [-]

Gangsters may have some screwed up morals, but I have never heard of one that likes pedophiles or people that mess with innocent children.

Nice to see that even gangbangers have a small shred of humanity left.

#30 to #10 - demcupcakes ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

When i was about 6 gang bangers tried to steal my bike while i was riding it. Dat Flint Mi life

#53 to #30 - unfairlybanned (11/02/2014) [-]

Tfw you cant ride a bike without getting mugged

Tfw you cant drive a car without getting shot

#26 to #10 - sphincterface (11/02/2014) [-]

It's probably because they had ****** up childhoods, and they are aware of that, and they at least hope other kids will have better lives.

#33 to #10 - greyhoundfd ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

One of the unspoken rules of being in prison is that if you've hurt kids, you're going to get shivved in the back while you're taking a shower or some **** . Guess what groups tend to end up in prisons the most?

#83 to #33 - mikeoxlong (11/02/2014) [-]

People who commit sex crimes against children are literally the bottom of any chain imaginable in prison. A lot of people get killed depending on what they get locked up for.

#93 to #83 - xbyronx (11/02/2014) [-]

Yeah my brother who is in prison says it goes like this where he is: If you get caught hurting an inmate, and it is so bad it HAS to be reported then you will get in trouble and put in seclusion. So all the inmates have a day, and change shifts on who has to hurt the pedophile day. When new meat comes in and they are a sex offender, the guards will tip off a prisoner because they dont care for pedos either, and the prisoners will usually shiv the pedo and then the gay block, who is usually in PC (protective care) will rape him. They literally rape him over and over again but not in a pleasant way that a gay pedo might enjoy, to the point the ass hole is a bloody mess. Often times they castrate them and usually the dedicated prisoner gets reprimanded . The only prisoners who participate in the severe violence are future death row transfers or life sentences. They stuck one guys head through a microwave window and turned it on, thus killing him. My brother wasn't there for that but he said they never caught the guy that did it. As not even the jailhouse snitches will snitch on pedo killers.

+31

#13 to #10 - Tusura (11/01/2014) [-]

I was walking home from a restaurant one day, with my wife, kid in my arms.

Nignog comes up and starts talkin **** to my wife cause she's a few feet ahead of us.
I quickly walk up beside her, and nignog says "Is that yalls kid?"
Tell him yes, and he immediately goes "Ah **** , you guys aight" and walks away.

They may not want any of their own, but they understand that kids are kids.

+22

#22 to #13 - gojoe (11/02/2014) [-]

They want kids to grow up with their dad

+39

#24 - ronyx (11/02/2014) [-]

My worst fear is having a kid and then some pedophile kidnapping him/her and never seeing him/her again.

#36 to #24 - traveller (11/02/2014) [-]

What luck would that be

#41 to #36 - mrturferpop (11/02/2014) [-]

Bad luck.

#89 to #24 - xbyronx (11/02/2014) [-]

Mine is similar. I fear someone taking and using my tooth brush, I mean once it's been in your mouth its so nasty to see another person use it, just like children.

#84 to #24 - anon (11/02/2014) [-]

my worst fear is seeing any kid getting kidnapped by a pedophile, because that means some bastard's on my territory.

#88 to #24 - anon (11/02/2014) [-]

Well, good thing that would involve you actually having sex, right?

#103 to #88 - ronyx (11/02/2014) [-]

huehuehue

#38 to #24 - konohamarulover (11/02/2014) [-]

somebody gonna rekidnapp my kids?

#66 to #24 - SonofChuck (11/02/2014) [-]

So basically what every good parent fears?

+67

#42 - CXJokerXD (11/02/2014) [-]

>saves him from being raped
>still gets called nignog

+168

#3 - konradkurze (11/01/2014) [-]

one of the few times a ****** shooting a white guy is a GOOD thing

-1

#6 to #3 - sketchE ONLINE (11/01/2014) [-]

depending where you live its always treated like a good thing

#7 to #6 - konradkurze (11/01/2014) [-]

why do you want ******* running around shooting white people at random

#27 to #7 - sketchE ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

oh trust me i dont. but you dont see anyone getting up in arms about it

#28 to #27 - konradkurze (11/02/2014) [-]

thanks political correctness

telling white people to shut up and deal with it when ******* kill them

#104 to #28 - sketchE ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

hey i dont htink its right im just saying how it is. and i agree political correctness has gotten ******* retarded. if your from mexico youre not hispanic youre mexicannot all black people are from africa so african american is more racist assuming everyone comes from there and only there. im just saying how it is black man shoots white guy hes celebrated in his ******** community hes more racist than the people they riot about but hes still sung as a hero in the ghetto

#35 to #28 - anon (11/02/2014) [-]

I bet the real konradkurze wouldn't bitch about absolutely everything on every single post ever

#39 to #35 - konradkurze (11/02/2014) [-]

he would if it was unjust

PC is a cancer making the world worse

#14 to #7 - schwerdaddy ONLINE (11/01/2014) [-]

Some ******* hate white people.

#15 to #14 - konradkurze (11/01/2014) [-]

ive met a few....

to them i think if they hate white people so much lets send them back to africa away from all the white civilization they hate

#17 to #15 - fulgrimventris (11/02/2014) [-]

>being this edgy
i agree that hating a whole ethnicity is stupid no matter who you are.
i'm white as a ******* bowl of milk and have to walk through the ghetto to get to school, they ******* love me because i'm always nice. one nignog mugged me and 2 blocks later one of my friends walked up to me and gave me my wallet back. as he handed it too me inpticed his knuckles were split.
blacks guys are great to be friends with.

-1

#20 to #17 - konradkurze (11/02/2014) [-]

yfw

Dave Chappelle: Why black people should have at least One white friend

-2

#54 to #3 - demonfone (11/02/2014) [-]

>Implying the rapist was white

#55 to #54 - konradkurze (11/02/2014) [-]

well not specificallly white but implied he was another race hence why the kid pointed out the other guy was black

-2

#56 to #55 - demonfone (11/02/2014) [-]

>Implying a "NigNog" is only of the chocolate persuasion

#58 to #56 - konradkurze (11/02/2014) [-]

do tell how many not brown people are called nignog
do tell how many not brown people are likely to speak like ' ********* is go-nawn'
do tell how many not brown peole shoot first and ask questions later

not many compared to how many dark people do the above

-2

#59 to #58 - demonfone (11/02/2014) [-]

"Nignog" = Eggnog with Malt Liquor.
" ********* is Go-Nawn" = English is not the native tongue and/or just got braces tightened.
"Shoot First Ask Questions Later" = Liam Neeson.

So we are looking for a Dorky swagtastic Christmas festive Liam Neeson with braces. I'd give a left nut to shake hands with the monstrosity we just created.

#61 to #59 - konradkurze (11/02/2014) [-]

malt liquor: stereotypical fave alcohol of BLACK people

english is second language......usually the only ones having trouble with english like that are from india or africa....europeans including easterns like russians pronouce better

shoot first ask questions later: entire history of america

#64 to #61 - demonfone (11/02/2014) [-]

Americans love genocide bruh. **** the Native Americans.

#69 to #64 - konradkurze (11/02/2014) [-]

native americans, africans, mexicans, south americans, british, germans, asians, arabs...american lives for war

#86 to #59 - moocowsz ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

#8 to #3 - anon (11/01/2014) [-]

Well, i for one didnt find it to say the hat dude was white.

#9 to #8 - konradkurze (11/01/2014) [-]

well kinda implied he was a different color when he specified the other dude was black

#16 - anon (11/02/2014) [-]

Why are people taking the gangsters side? He could've just shot the pedo in his dick and that wouldve been that.

#34 to #16 - xxitzchubbsxx (11/02/2014) [-]

Some pedo's like doing it for the pleasure of hurting them rather than just sexual contact. So there's lot's of ****** up things he can do without a dick.

#37 to #16 - traveller (11/02/2014) [-]

Guessing you have never seen sin city

#96 to #16 - hawaiianhappysauce (11/02/2014) [-]

But then the guy would still be alive to point him out.

#68 to #16 - SonofChuck (11/02/2014) [-]

But he shot him in the chest and that is also that.

+20

#21 to #16 - bemmo (11/02/2014) [-]

True. Surgical reconstruction could be possible though, so this is more reliable for preventing future pedophilia offences from this particular individual.

#29 to #21 - mariopimp (11/02/2014) [-]

WHY NOT BOTH?!?!

+32

#2 - evilhomer ONLINE (11/01/2014) [-]

+14

#43 - tacticalhog (11/02/2014) [-]

Had a similar 'oh god that could have happened' moment. I suck at green texts, but I will try.

>Be 15
>Live in apartment block with parent, kinda ghetto-y area.
>Owner is ok with guns do to recent break-ins, but we do not own any firearms.
> This makes us completely vulnerable to break ins.
>Fortunately, Owner of complex is bro, and with our permission, allows each family to install small camera that we turn on ourselves when we leave or at night. Looks like this: g-ecx.images-amazon.com/images/G/01/aplus/detail-p but not as nice looking.
>If we catch robber on camera, all stuff is reimbursed by owner.
>One night, 9PM, parent is out, and I have friend who is nearby, so we agree to hangout at his place, since he has cool **** like games and nice TV.
>For once I remember to turn on camera before I leave house with no-one inside.
>Fast forward 4 hours later, 1PM, come home to see that door is intact, but someone broke big glass door for patio area.
>I don't even go inside, fearful that someone could be in still, so call Owner, who lives in complex above the showroom apartment, and arrives with his Legal mind you Remington 7615 Picture is almost exactly how it looks, and also high res pic: www.remington.com/~/media/Images/Artwork/Centerfire%20Rifles/Model%207615/7615%20Ranch%20Carbine.ashx
>He clears the building and we call police, then once things have calmed down, police, Manager, and myself go to Managers office to look at cams, I feeak out a little thought as I cannot call parent, and warn them of what happened.
>Cam was set in living room, near glass door, and 2 hours after I leave, I see large man with face covered enter room with large barreled shotgun.
>He stays 13 minutes, and takes silverware and computer monitor.
>To this day I think about how I could have died had I not gone to friends house.
MFW

#44 to #43 - tacticalhog (11/02/2014) [-]

Camera link not working, hope this one does: charlesandhudson.com/wp/photos/vuezone-small.jpg

#57 to #43 - garymotherfingoak ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

hot diggity daum

#65 to #43 - SonofChuck (11/02/2014) [-]

If it makes you feel any better it's likely that if you were home he may not have hit your place since you probably would have had the lights on which would have alerted the burglar that someone is home. Burglars generally don't rob houses where there are people and therefore witnesses.

Or maybe he would have just shot you, who knows?

#70 to #65 - tacticalhog (11/02/2014) [-]

These are the things that really do keep me up at night sometimes..I debate what he would have done,what I would have done if I was home.

#47 - krayon (11/02/2014) [-]

**krayon rolled image** At least risk your life for a player worth caring about! (Jason Witten)

#48 to #47 - paparaiderfanjr (11/02/2014) [-]

sauce?

+10

#63 to #48 - dickchupacabra ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

You need to login to view this link

#99 to #63 - cleu ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

i someone else uses the same site i do, cheers m8!

#60 to #48 - haydenlrd (11/02/2014) [-]

K-Y-H-U after dark <3

#62 to #60 - paparaiderfanjr (11/02/2014) [-]

#67 to #62 - haydenlrd (11/02/2014) [-]

imgur.com/a/atft3

Have a massive comp <3

#23 - chaoticlaw (11/02/2014) [-]

The first time I've ever heard a story with a respectable nig in it.

#87 to #23 - zaucroya (11/02/2014) [-]

sauce, plz?

#91 to #87 - chaoticlaw (11/02/2014) [-]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNdDROtrPcQ

#77 to #23 - anon (11/02/2014) [-]

what did i just watch?

#49 - tisjunkisdamnfunny (11/02/2014) [-]

related
>be me 17, caucasian, walking home drunk from party
>in ****** part of town past midnight lost with no ride home
>call a taxi waiting for over 20 min
>start tweaking due to lack of street cred
>car pulls up 3 guys asking me who im waiting for
>try to shew them off until they convince to drive me back
>drunkly trust the friendly crackheads
>have retarded conversations about how i should do crack and how i better pay them for the ride
>check my wallet is empty and tell to just take me to my local atm to get cash
>black guy follows me to atm and i pretend to wait for money
>INSUFFICIENT FUNDS
>grab card book it and never look back
>mfw

#51 - ihatem (11/02/2014) [-]

-How did he know you wanted Tent Green autograph?
-How did he get autographed football?
-How did he know it was your birthday?
-How did he know where you live?
-If he saved you why would you continue to put him down with ****** labels like "nignog"?

#52 to #51 - kibbleking (11/02/2014) [-]

How do you know who gave him the present?

#72 to #51 - richardastley ONLINE (11/02/2014) [-]

-Probably lived in Kansas City
-He got the gift from someone who was alive
-He got the gift from someone who was alive
-He got the gift from someone who was alive
-He's racist

#74 to #51 - grimsho (11/02/2014) [-]

How did who get autographed football? We don't know who got him the football for his birthday, it was obviously a friend or family member, not the nignog or the rapist, as you seem to think.

The only potential flaw in this story is why he lied about the nig's appearance to the cops without understanding what was going on.

#76 to #74 - ihatem (11/02/2014) [-]

The autograph appears to be intended as the protagonist's affirming message to him like a symbol, a little coincidentally timed to be someone else's gift and if it was from someone he knew, he wouldn't have left out who gave it to him.

And I was going to ask that as well, but brushed that off a little considering the "I don't want to be a snitch on the guy who shot someone and knows my face" factor.

#78 to #76 - grimsho (11/02/2014) [-]

Coincidentally timed? It's his birthday, about a year later, and he was able to be fooled into following a rapist just because of the possibility that he'd get the guy's autograph, he's obviously a fan of Trent Green and it's completely logical that his friends and family would know that he's a fan.

On the other hand, your explanation as to why he lied makes sense, I'll take it.

Story in the end is believeable/10.

#92 to #74 - mrcakes [OP](11/02/2014) [-]

i was scared that he was gonna come after me and kill me. so i lied. i was terrified.

#79 to #51 - philliyoMLB (11/02/2014) [-]

Because back then every little kid in KC knew who Trent Green was and is still a celebrity here and a cool ass dude, so yeah, who in KC wouldn't want his autograph?

#90 to #51 - mrcakes [OP](11/02/2014) [-]

in kc, everyone loved trent green
my grandma got it for me because she knew that i loved trent green
he didnt give me it for my 11th birthday, you idiot. he was dead.
he didnt know where i lived, he simply saw me walking home from school. and nignog sounds funny. im not racist.

#94 to #90 - ihatem (11/02/2014) [-]

It seems like the shooter was the one who gifted the autographed football, which is part of all but the last question.
How did you find out the pedo-killer died?

#95 to #94 - mrcakes [OP](11/02/2014) [-]

nonononono, i thought you were talking about the pedo.
i have never seen nor heard of pedo killer again.

and grandma gave it to me for my 11th b-day

#97 to #95 - ihatem (11/02/2014) [-]

#80 - philliyoMLB (11/02/2014) [-]

I actually met Trent Green once, coolest athlete I have ever met in my life, got to meet Tony Gonzalez who was also a close second. Played football with his son for a little bit, cool as dude and I think if I was in this situation I might have been raped for Trent Green's autograph. Anyways **** yeah, Kansas City mentioned swell with BBQ and dumbass redneck fairweather fans pride. I hope the chiefs beat the jets tomorrow though.

#31 - reican (11/02/2014) [-]

I dont even know my worst fear, i know i felt it once, its like a burning sensation yet cold and you feel immobilized. But exactly why, i don't know. all i did was looking through some window at a house that haven't been used for decades.

#32 to #31 - reican (11/02/2014) [-]

could be a chemical of some sort or it could be something else. all I know i wanted to get the hell out of that area.

#50 to #32 - DoktorHax (11/02/2014) [-]

Most likely a random anxiety attack. I had a similar situation when i took to drops of acid. Me and my mate were in the city, and i saw this kid walking in between his parents swinging on their hands, and all of a sudden, it looked kinda like he was hanging from a hook through his hand and slowly spinning, and i got this intense hot-cold feeling and a huge rush of fear, and everything started feeling intensely wrong and "mechanical" for lack of a better term. **** was ******* insane.

#102 to #50 - reican (11/02/2014) [-]

well watching gore or similar never make me feel anxious. hell i have witnessed a car-crash where the driver died, I still kept my cool and called for emergency.