Civ 5. >Be Roman >Rush science >steal wonders that increase science >obtain rifles while rest of the world fighting with swords and bows >Peacefu Gandhi is coming for your anus
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Civ 5

>Be Roman
>Rush science
>steal wonders that increase science
>obtain rifles while rest of the world fighting with swords and bows
>Peaceful nation though
>massing troops along my borders
>France on the west border, Mongolia on their west border
>They go to war
>Mongolia starts beating France down
>France declares war on me.
>wat?
>Mongolia and France make peace
>France attacks me. Riflemen make short work of them
>Stay defensive, just to show pity
>France pretty much destroyed at this point, time goes by
>Mongolia redeclares war on France
>Try and make peace with france just to be nice
>"Nothing can make this deal work...."

>I laughed as Mongolia destroyed them

Let me hear your best CW s stares.
...
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User avatar #5 - iamausername (06/08/2014) [+] (14 replies)
>Be me
> Never played Civ 5
> Post this
User avatar #24 - the fuzzball (06/08/2014) [-]
>be egypt
>peacefully exploring the map
>come across a narrow section of unclaimed land in between two most powerful countries at the time. merica and india
>apparently about to war
>massive armies on the border of each country
>end my turn with scout in dead ******* center of oncoming storm
>storm comes
>they attack each other
>try to get scout out of the way
>accidentally attack india
>lose unit
>war with india
>merica allies with me against common foe
>destroy india
>i just wanted to get rid of all the clouds
#37 - sircool (06/08/2014) [-]
>playing america
>meet ethiopia early game
>my people are angry at me for bull ****** reasons
>need new luxury resources to calm their tits
>see ethiopia has ******** of cotton
>invade, don't even bother annexing, just wanted the land to farm happy points
>later
>few nation left, me and huns most notable
>Know war is on the horizon
>create more cities for oil since uranium isn't really needed at tech level
>Invade lands to secure it from possible hun usage
>mfw i'm america and basically enslaved africans to pick cotton for me and invaded places for oil
>realize it was bound to happen and needed to
#33 - effthree ONLINE (06/08/2014) [+] (5 replies)
>Be Hiowatha of the Iroquois
>Meet Washington early in game
>Surround their city with units
>Lock them in with my own cities
>Never allow them to leave/expand
>Keep their economy barely sustained
>America sequestered for 2k plus years
>Wholesale slaughter everyone else on the map
>Saved America for last
>Surround with Giant Death Robots
>Iroquois Giant Death Robots vs. American Crossbowman
>None were spared
User avatar #4 - thenoluk (06/08/2014) [+] (2 replies)
>Be me playing as the Swedish (Bork) empire, Of Borkstavus Borkdolfus
>Finally unlock x-coms and wanna test them vs some of the other end-tier units in the game
>buy 100 of them
>one ******* hundred
>Washington declares war
>wrong move mother puncher
>destroy his army
>leave only One city alive
>surrounded in my borders except in one place
>that one place is an ocean peninsula (spread, spread, the delaware, he's coming)
>leave a carrier armed with nukes in that peninsula
>destroy all other armies and come back
>I come back and ole georgie has amassed a ******* of tanks
>literal ******* , approx 30
>Xcoms can finally be of use
>surround army with xcoms
>Xcom give it to you
> wipe out army and move in for the kill
> he has a nuke standing by
> kills at least 10 of my xcoms
>continue the *********
>win the game by ******* Washington with Xcum

and that's why you dont **** with Swedish Chef you herdy gerding bork
User avatar #13 - janevim (06/08/2014) [+] (3 replies)
It's a little bit cliche, but...
> play as Germany
> choose jewish religion
> dominate the whole world with glorious jewish german army
> third reich finally complete
> Fuhrer would be proud
#21 - buzkeedo (06/08/2014) [+] (5 replies)
>go on funnyjunk   
>scrolling through content   
>see this post   
>dont have Civ 5   
>mfw everyone sharing stories and im just sitting here
>go on funnyjunk
>scrolling through content
>see this post
>dont have Civ 5
>mfw everyone sharing stories and im just sitting here
#7 - ganjalf (06/08/2014) [+] (4 replies)
>Playing as Babylon    
>Decide I'm gonna go for scientific victory (babylon gives a free great scientist when writing is discovered, plus every other G.S. is 50% quicker to make)    
>Map is continents    
>Aztecs and Russia to the north, Spain and Mongols to the west    
>Start game, aztecs declare war because they think they are the 						****					    
>Babylon archers+ babylon walls is a great combo, let me tell ya.   
>Aztec offensive is taken out without any casualties    
>Everyone is now pissed at aztecs    
>Russia asks me to help in a war against them    
>"Give me 10 more turns"    
>Send a single archer unit, let them take everything, I don't really care    
>Aztecs eliminated    
>I'm now bro with russia and mongols.   
>Spain gets wrecked by mongols    
>Russia keeps spamming cities everywhere, they have around 25-30, but I still don't give a 						****					.   
>Get artys, everyone else still in industrial era.    
>Russia spams 2 cities next to my border, says I'm getting too close to her, following turn declares war on me.   
>Wrong move bitch    
>My army is non-existent but with 5 artys, 3 infantries and my border cities connected with railroads I manage to repel 3 waves of cossacks and cannons.    
>Mongols denounce me, but don't declare war on me.    
>Offer russia peace. MFW she accepts. I'm just biding my time now.
>Playing as Babylon
>Decide I'm gonna go for scientific victory (babylon gives a free great scientist when writing is discovered, plus every other G.S. is 50% quicker to make)
>Map is continents
>Aztecs and Russia to the north, Spain and Mongols to the west
>Start game, aztecs declare war because they think they are the ****
>Babylon archers+ babylon walls is a great combo, let me tell ya.
>Aztec offensive is taken out without any casualties
>Everyone is now pissed at aztecs
>Russia asks me to help in a war against them
>"Give me 10 more turns"
>Send a single archer unit, let them take everything, I don't really care
>Aztecs eliminated
>I'm now bro with russia and mongols.
>Spain gets wrecked by mongols
>Russia keeps spamming cities everywhere, they have around 25-30, but I still don't give a **** .
>Get artys, everyone else still in industrial era.
>Russia spams 2 cities next to my border, says I'm getting too close to her, following turn declares war on me.
>Wrong move bitch
>My army is non-existent but with 5 artys, 3 infantries and my border cities connected with railroads I manage to repel 3 waves of cossacks and cannons.
>Mongols denounce me, but don't declare war on me.
>Offer russia peace. MFW she accepts. I'm just biding my time now.
#8 to #7 - ganjalf (06/08/2014) [-]
>Get nukes and tanks, move to the frontline, time to bitch this bitch out of the game
>Denounce her, tell her to stop spamming cities next to me ecc. Substantially piss her off enough to make her declare war on me again. (hoping this won't add on my warmongler points)
>she obliges
>unleash hell.gif
>Nuke 8 of her cities, including her capital.
>Conquer every single one of her 30 or so cities, free every city state she has capped and make them fight her too.
>By the end of the war I have discovered satelllites, thus the other civs (japan, songai, uroquois, germany)
>EVERYONE denounces me, but nobody has the balls to actually declare war and help russia out
>Only one russian city left
>offer her peace
>"We still have some businnes to settle"
>MFW
>nuke her last city to oblivion
>get last SS part
>science victory yay
#128 - georgequentin (06/09/2014) [+] (2 replies)
>playing as Russia
>online server, proclaim self "Dick Russia"
>ally with Mongolia, destroy Germany and control entire continent
>make Mongolia my bitch, they are weak
>rush naval tech
>amass navy of privateers while most everyone is still in sort of trireme-stage and barely able to get past the coast
>send invasion force across the ocean
>find Indonesia, position troops for attack
>Indonesia player messages me
>"dude, what the **** , are you going to attack me?"
>think hard before i answer
>"no, I am going fishing"
>" **** YOU"
>destroy Indonesia
>fishing expedition successful
>Dick Russia forever
User avatar #2 - fargfive (06/08/2014) [+] (1 reply)
In my first game of Civ 5 I decided that Sweden had had it good for too long and asked Japan to help me destroy them. They say they need a few turns to get ready, I've been engaging in a Cold War tier arms buildup for the last twenty turns, so I figure I'll wait a few more so they'll actually be of some assistance.
On turn ten, Nobunaga denounced me. I made peace with Sweden before I'd even gotten my catapults to his city and turned my massive war machine on Japan.
I burned their cities to the ground.
#49 - purdon (06/09/2014) [+] (1 reply)
I don't have any good civilization V,stories, because I play on the easiest difficulty, because I suck.
#71 - theguythatisnotyou (06/09/2014) [+] (3 replies)
Not Civ V, but CivRev  Console Master Race + Free Games with Gold    
   
>Playing 'Murcah because 						****					 Yeah   
>Spawn on island   
>Just big enough for a few cities   
>Detroit becomes biggest   
>Pumping out Wonders like I'm Stevie   
>Finally get boats   
>Discover Atlantis   
>						****					 Yeah Flight   
> Find other nations    
>China, Russia, England, and France   
>						****					 'Murcah's greatest enemies + France   
>Talk to Napoleon   
>Become bros with France   
>Sell them small technologies   
>China and Russia are at war   
>Continue building up science   
>Mass Production   
>Soldiers   
>Place them around China and Russia to keep them from leaving their continent   
>Need to make sure Napoleon bro is safe
Not Civ V, but CivRev Console Master Race + Free Games with Gold

>Playing 'Murcah because **** Yeah
>Spawn on island
>Just big enough for a few cities
>Detroit becomes biggest
>Pumping out Wonders like I'm Stevie
>Finally get boats
>Discover Atlantis
> **** Yeah Flight
> Find other nations
>China, Russia, England, and France
> **** 'Murcah's greatest enemies + France
>Talk to Napoleon
>Become bros with France
>Sell them small technologies
>China and Russia are at war
>Continue building up science
>Mass Production
>Soldiers
>Place them around China and Russia to keep them from leaving their continent
>Need to make sure Napoleon bro is safe
#73 to #71 - theguythatisnotyou (06/09/2014) [-]
>England comes to my island
>Attacks Detroit
>Get wrecked you tea drinking ***** MFW
>Use flight to send wave after wave of planes to London, York, an other cties
>Russia decides to attack soldiers
> **** You Russia
>Gets destroyed from fighting two wars
>China threatens me
> **** you ching-chong-Zedong
>Take Beijing in two turns
>France has had enough
>Sends small fleet of catapults to D.C.
>MFW
#244 - EdwardNigma ONLINE (06/09/2014) [+] (4 replies)
>Egypt   
>Expansion, wonders, out the dick. I can't even tell you how fast my cities grew, I got nearly every wonder.   
>Happy empire, rich as 						****					 empire, maximum science empire, all that culture, even 						*******					 religion, I never care about religion.   
>On my island continent with Ethiopia, China and Arabia. Arabia is my 						*****					, Ethiopia cunts up my island, I eventually destroy them.   
>China wrecking Arabia, don't want to get into fight with China though, they control almost half the island, with me controlling the other half.   
>Arabia and me best buds since 4000 BC, around 2000-2500 AD now, once they finally make peace, make pledge to protect.   
>China getting all uppity at me, threatening me and all, calling me weak. Sick of their 						****					, sick of their insults, pissed that they reduced my comrade to nothing but one city.   
>Destroy China in nuclear fire, nearly everything on the island and surrounding little ones are mine now, except a city state and Arabias last city.   
>Arabia denounces me for the destruction of the people who put him in his sorry 						*******					 state.   
>It has come to this, old friend? You, who I swore to protect, you, my comrade in arms, one of the last few friends I have? You force me to stand alone in the world, as Russia grows in land and power on the second continent, by now my only equal, who can actually threaten me? The first civ I met, you betray me now, after so long? I protected you. It was me who made them make peace. You live, because I saved you, you're safe, because I avenged you. You betray me now?   
>Amass my army to their borders, my enormous navy and hoard of robots. I will not have you destroy what I built, Arabia, I will not have you incite Russia against me.   
>Sleep now, my old friend. This is for your own good.
>Egypt
>Expansion, wonders, out the dick. I can't even tell you how fast my cities grew, I got nearly every wonder.
>Happy empire, rich as **** empire, maximum science empire, all that culture, even ******* religion, I never care about religion.
>On my island continent with Ethiopia, China and Arabia. Arabia is my ***** , Ethiopia cunts up my island, I eventually destroy them.
>China wrecking Arabia, don't want to get into fight with China though, they control almost half the island, with me controlling the other half.
>Arabia and me best buds since 4000 BC, around 2000-2500 AD now, once they finally make peace, make pledge to protect.
>China getting all uppity at me, threatening me and all, calling me weak. Sick of their **** , sick of their insults, pissed that they reduced my comrade to nothing but one city.
>Destroy China in nuclear fire, nearly everything on the island and surrounding little ones are mine now, except a city state and Arabias last city.
>Arabia denounces me for the destruction of the people who put him in his sorry ******* state.
>It has come to this, old friend? You, who I swore to protect, you, my comrade in arms, one of the last few friends I have? You force me to stand alone in the world, as Russia grows in land and power on the second continent, by now my only equal, who can actually threaten me? The first civ I met, you betray me now, after so long? I protected you. It was me who made them make peace. You live, because I saved you, you're safe, because I avenged you. You betray me now?
>Amass my army to their borders, my enormous navy and hoard of robots. I will not have you destroy what I built, Arabia, I will not have you incite Russia against me.
>Sleep now, my old friend. This is for your own good.
User avatar #19 - iizpurple ONLINE (06/08/2014) [+] (2 replies)
>be russia
>rushin science because glorious red army
>america goes culture, japs goes expansionist, aztecs stick their dicks in korea, korea responds by beating their head with a rock
>I rush science and production, building buildings in two to three turns.
>wonders take five to ten
>rushin russians take ridiculous lead due to scientific advancment
>get rationalism
>get mercantilism
>get satelites
>get #rekt
>aztecs manage to pull their head out of koreas asses long enough to declare war on me
Itbegins.jpg
>my disgusting production allows me to build modern infantry at a rate of six/turn
>their first units reach my borders
>longswordsmen
>lel
>annihilate them and korea
>america falls to the red menace
>japan is the only nation I cannot deal with, since they have almost sixty cities, and tfw no happiness
>build my space arc
>win that way
>russian production bonuses op as ****
User avatar #23 - thewilder (06/08/2014) [-]
>Like third game of Civ ever
>All good, Japanese, bringing honor to famiry
>Trading with George Washington, he is chill as ****
>Ghandi comes around, asking for resources and stuff, refuse
>Later on he attacks one of the cities that are under my protection
>No you don't you skinny cunt
>Absolutely destroy Gandhi
>George Washington gets mad at me for being agressive country
>What the **** ?
>Nuke that *******
>Queen Elizabeth declares war on me for attacking her ally
>I never asked for this, just wanted peace on my rice fields
> **** her up

Win
#9 - jizzonmypants (06/08/2014) [+] (3 replies)
> Be me
> Newfag only some hours of playing civ 5 playing on prince
> has completed all victories except domination victory
> Play as zulu cuz newfag
> thisisgunnabeezzy.jpg
> manage to slave 2 civilizations pretty fast on early game
> Warmonger penalty
> everybody hates me try to focus science and gold cuz my empire is big
> other civilizations beat the shyt out of me on culture/science
> try to do research agreement / trade luxuryes
> warmonger penalty dont let me do it
> try to be friends with amerifags wich are on another continent
> warmonger penalty
> try to denunce
> warmong penalty
> try to be nice
> warmonger penalty
> try to take a shyt
> warmongpenalty
> mfw i cant get domination victory because of warmong penalty
> mfw to get domination victory you have to conquer capital cities
if someone could give me some tips it would be very much apreciated
#185 - herptyderpderp (06/09/2014) [+] (1 reply)
>Be playing modded country ( I think it was rapture)
>Plan on being friendly Civ and winning by culture victory
>use epic world size with the earth land layout
>spawn in north america with Great British empire, ask if she want's to be buddy's
>tells me '' **** off, cheeky cunt m8, i'll rek you swear on me mum''
>Ok what ever...
>start moving to south America to look for other civs that aren't being faggots
>One ******* mountain in the way and cant escape from North and south america due to ocean tiles
>Start researching ships so i can get down and sail to other continents, Make it to south america
>Only inhabitants are the Mayans
>Become friends after i offer him some stone
>Meanwhile all this time I've being ask misses Elizabeth to be buddy's and she's still being a ratchet wench and declining
>she starts asking for lots of money (like 30 GPT), give it her and ask to be friends again
>tells me to jog on for being a cheeky cunt
>thousands of years later same **** with goes on with Great Britain asking for gold and then telling me to **** off when I ask to be buddy's
>Ok I'm as done as a white girl on Tumblr
>Start building a giant ******* army
>last chance now Lizzie, again she tells me to **** off
>its on now, and I'm wiping her ass off of the planet
>she pleads for help but there's no brakes on this rape train
>Shes finally dead and i burn her ****** city down to ashes
>Mayans suddenly denounce me to no one but me (cause we still stuck on america...)
>feel betrayed and start hurling my dreaded army at them whilst fighting back the tears off killing my bro's
>Skip a few days, made it across the ocean and everyone is being dicks because they know about my genocidal rampage, world war erupts and I destroy everyone
>Mfw i won the game by killing everyone I wanted to love for not loving me back.
User avatar #12 - nitsuan (06/08/2014) [+] (1 reply)
>First game if Civ 5
>Playing as 'Murica because I live there
>Pretty peaceful, just learning the ropes
>City spam where ever I see bunches of resources
>leads to control 1/3 of the main continent in the map
>One tiny nation state inside my territory, but no ***** given
>Persia directly to my left, getting big as ****
>Ignore them mostly because they are kind of bros
>Notice they are starting to invade and take everyone's capitals
>They are only a few capitals away from victory
>thetimeforwarhascome.jpg
>Mass an army on Persia's border and attack
>My army is more advanced and numerous than Persia's
>Drive a straight line into their capital and seize it
>Make peace with Persian's now that the threat is over
>Persian military campaign around the world ends
>Try talking to other leaders but everyone hates me for attacking Persia
>wut
>Save world's ass from Persian military take over, get **** from everyone
>Proceed to destroy and rob every nation except nation state bro
#90 - Ricogator (06/09/2014) [+] (3 replies)
>Nobodies really going to read this
>Seriously, why am I typing all this
>Total waste of my time
>Jeezis I really have no life
>Shameless insertion of meaningless reaction image to attract attention
#11 - yunogasaii ONLINE (06/08/2014) [-]
>be me, Poland, dom victory
>playing on one of those Europe map
>taking over england
>Boudicca ain't having none of that ****
>boudicca declares war on me, fails miserably
>therewasanattemptstar.jpg
>take over all of England and most of the Celtic cities, and then peace was made
>a while after, Boudicca denounces me
>lol k
>Boudicca starts opposing EVERYTHING I propose to world congress
>Bitch even manages to ban a few of my luxuries, happiness goes down the *******
>200%mad.png, but don't wanna risk a world war with my warmongering
>later on, after I've eclipsed (mostly) everyone in technology, I declare war on the Ottomans
>World war commenced, the sides being Me + all the city states vs Everyone else
>2ez, everyone is crushed under the glorious Polish wings
>The Celts are the last people remaining, I place Giant Death Robots in every single adjacent tile to their capital
>in one turn, I take over Dublin, and I win the game
mfw
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