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[ 208 comments ]
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107 comments displayed.
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+401
User avatar #7 - budbrown (12/03/2015) [-]
Only an oblivious parent would fall for the "It's not mine, it's my friend's" excuse
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-3
#185 to #7 - anon (12/04/2015) [-]
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-42
#19 to #7 - mattygosling (12/03/2015) [-]
i did it when it came to drugs for years, it worked
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+76
User avatar #20 to #19 - vivalavidya (12/03/2015) [-]
It probably didn't, I thought my parents had no idea that I took part in drugs when I was a teenager, only to find out in my 20s that they knew all along, they just didn't mention it.
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-30
#21 to #20 - mattygosling (12/03/2015) [-]
no they didnt know, they had suspicions, i told my mum all the drugs ive done when i told her i smoke weed and she had no idea, i came in pilled out my mind on es and played it off as being spiked, just never admit if they ask anything and youre fine
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+46
#59 to #21 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
your parents must be dumb as a brick...
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-29
#60 to #59 - mattygosling (12/03/2015) [-]
no not really im just good at blagging things
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+18
#64 to #60 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
How about just not lying? ************ wasn't raised well if you go around lying to the two people who will love you regardless of what **** you do if you just admit it.
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-10
#66 to #64 - mattygosling (12/03/2015) [-]
did you not read where i said i told them? i was young, why would i admit it? my dads always been cool with it and my mum doesnt care that much just my stepdad. how about you log in?
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+6
#173 to #66 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
How about you shut the **** up.

Don't tell an anon to log in, they won't ******* see it.

Common sense, 101.
Or because of a recent game, 111.
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0
User avatar #178 to #19 - deadlyfoez (12/04/2015) [-]
I have a feeling that Corky is your role model.
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+1
#65 to #7 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
She didn't believe it, she just also didn't want to believe that he masturbated so she took the ******** anyway.
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+7
#112 to #7 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
As a parent let me tell you, when it comes to embarrassing **** like this, we let you lie and pretend we believe you to let you save some face. We do not actually believe you, we just don't wish to embarrass you.

This bitch here though- why the **** is she posting about her sons sex toys, that's ******* creepy
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+8
User avatar #32 to #7 - batmanbeyonddgrave ONLINE (12/03/2015) [-]
can confirm, tried using it on my parents with a condom wrapper, didn't work.
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+36
#55 to #32 - icedcarbon (12/03/2015) [-]
mom found condom wrapper

Mom: "What is this?"
Me: *look to the floor as she crouches to pick it up... sudden flashback of the previous night* "It's probably a sweet's wrapper."

..... mom carefully inspects the wrapper for a few seconds, I just look back at the computer screen pretending im completely oblivious that it's a condom wrap...

Mom: "Yeah, it's a gum wrapper." *walks off*

she saved me from embarrassment, or probably was embarrassed herself to ask about it.
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+10
User avatar #69 to #55 - buttkickerboy (12/03/2015) [-]
BRING ME THAT ASS
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0
User avatar #171 to #55 - Noon (12/03/2015) [-]
She is probably just glad that your using some protection.
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+12
User avatar #143 to #7 - tealkangaroo (12/03/2015) [-]
"a boys hands are for praying and holding the hand of jesus"

if this isn't a troll account then that is one ******* creepy parent
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+345
User avatar #2 - grimfuck (12/03/2015) [-]
I was not prepared for the ending
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+7
#30 to #1 - iwantbananaslol (12/03/2015) [-]
**iwantbananaslol used "*roll picture*"**
**iwantbananaslol rolled image**
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+44
#108 to #30 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
you forgot to say " **** i rolled a pony" for greenies
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+15
#152 to #30 - bohemianblasphemy (12/03/2015) [-]
No one deserves red thumbs purely based on a poor roll
Take my pity thumb
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+6
#167 to #152 - plazmaflare (12/03/2015) [-]
**plazmaflare used "*roll picture*"**
**plazmaflare rolled image** Rolling images is a gamble, you get a good roll you get greenies, you get a bad roll you get reds.
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+3
#170 to #167 - orangebudd (12/03/2015) [-]
**orangebudd used "*roll picture*"**
**orangebudd rolled image** ye don't say
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+1
#199 to #167 - vbui (12/04/2015) [-]
**vbui used "*roll picture*"**
**vbui rolled image**
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0
User avatar #174 to #167 - KBD (12/03/2015) [-]
big ol' mushroom cloud, instinctively read 'reds' as 'rads'.
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+35
User avatar #61 to #33 - letsmakeout (12/03/2015) [-]
He rolled a picture.
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+1
#128 to #61 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
so why the downvotes? :/
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+1
#183 to #128 - anon (12/04/2015) [-]
Because people here hate ponies and consider rolling a pony image to be worth the downvotes. Somehow votes here actually matter to these sad creatures.
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+1
User avatar #177 to #128 - letsmakeout (12/04/2015) [-]
Because that's the rule for 90% of users here
Pony in post = downvote, even if it was rolled.
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+2
#176 to #33 - strelokkk (12/04/2015) [-]
GIF
**strelokkk used "*roll picture*"**
**strelokkk rolled image**
-14
#35 to #30 - astera has deleted their comment [-]
-7
#44 to #41 - astera has deleted their comment [-]
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0
#190 to #41 - turtleshells ONLINE (12/04/2015) [-]
What did he say?
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0
User avatar #195 to #190 - suicidalfish (12/04/2015) [-]
Imagine a 12 year trying to be edgy by mispelling every word then looking like a retard.
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0
#196 to #195 - turtleshells ONLINE (12/04/2015) [-]
Do you remember specifically?
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0
User avatar #198 to #196 - suicidalfish (12/04/2015) [-]
I'll be honest I couldn't tell you even if it was still up.
-8
#54 to #35 - astera has deleted their comment [-]
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-14
#81 to #35 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
Everyone red thumbing this simply because it has red thumbs...
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-8
#94 to #81 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
Too many wankers.
Rebooting.
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+4
#175 to #1 - notmarshalmathers (12/04/2015) [-]
**notmarshalmathers used "*roll picture*"**
**notmarshalmathers rolled image**
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+179
#17 - funnyhard (12/03/2015) [-]
'A boys hands are for praying and holding the hand of Jesus.'
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+21
#142 to #17 - Kingsly (12/03/2015) [-]
That's why he stuck it to the wall, gotta keep those hands free for Jesus.
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+158
#5 - dcooney (12/03/2015) [-]
Back to the ol fashioned for CJ
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+124
User avatar #6 - invshika (12/03/2015) [-]
>leaving evidence
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+82
#8 - sladee (12/03/2015) [-]
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+16
#9 to #8 - sladee (12/03/2015) [-]
Same old CJ, Busta, straight busta.
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+16
#11 to #8 - tarabostes ONLINE (12/03/2015) [-]
Big Smoke you fat ****
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+15
#14 to #11 - bigredhouse (12/03/2015) [-]
It's dangerous to go alone, take this.
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+2
#62 to #14 - tarabostes ONLINE (12/03/2015) [-]
Domo Arigato
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+49
User avatar #23 - psychadelicace (12/03/2015) [-]
Wall mountable fleshlights? what a time to be alive
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+44
#29 to #23 - iamthepapercut ONLINE (12/03/2015) [-]
We've gone much farther than that, friend
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+24
#16 - donatelo (12/03/2015) [-]
you can wall mount those things now?
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+11
User avatar #26 to #16 - gittons (12/03/2015) [-]
yep, wall and shower mounts for when you want to hands free **** a wall.
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+9
User avatar #38 to #26 - BraindeadBuddha (12/03/2015) [-]
"hands free **** a wall." when you put it like that it doesn't exactly sound glamourous.
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+12
User avatar #39 to #38 - gittons (12/03/2015) [-]
not exactly sure how ******* a silicone mould of a vagina or anus is glamorous in the first place.
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+5
User avatar #40 to #39 - BraindeadBuddha (12/03/2015) [-]
Yah, it isn't really, I just really liked that wording "hands free **** a wall." Made me chuckle because that sounds to me like the least glamorous thing you could possibly do sexually
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+3
User avatar #42 to #40 - gittons (12/03/2015) [-]
pretty sure ******** into someone else's ass to use as lube as you **** your own **** out of
them while honking like a goose is at least 3 times less glamorous.
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0
User avatar #43 to #42 - BraindeadBuddha (12/03/2015) [-]
No, because at least there's another person involved. It may be weird, but it's still less sad.
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+1
User avatar #45 to #43 - gittons (12/03/2015) [-]
wait so you mean "glamorous" as in "pathetic"?
got some context cross wires here.

ye in that case having sex with a wall mounted silicone mould is indeed pretty pathetic, feels
awesome though.
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0
User avatar #47 to #45 - BraindeadBuddha (12/03/2015) [-]
...possibly, English isn't my first language.

Sound like yu tried it?
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-1
User avatar #48 to #47 - gittons (12/03/2015) [-]
first of all to be glamorous is to be classy, smart, graceful while also being very loud and showy.

well there comes a time in somebodies life when you say **** it and decide to upgrade from using
your hand 6 times a day to something a bit better.
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0
User avatar #49 to #48 - BraindeadBuddha (12/03/2015) [-]
So... Indeed very much not like using a wall-mounted fleshlight, which is not classy, not particularly smart, most likely not graceful, admittedly with a possibility of loudness but probably not showy either. So I think I understood glamorous correctly, no?
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0
User avatar #50 to #49 - gittons (12/03/2015) [-]
true not completely wrong but the disgusting example i used would be worse by a bit.
anywho, never thought i would be having a discussion on fleshlights and context words.
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0
User avatar #51 to #50 - BraindeadBuddha (12/03/2015) [-]
I suppose that's a matter of perspective and circumstance
And yeah, that's FJ for ya
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+44
#15 - navien (12/03/2015) [-]
Train.
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-1
#100 to #15 - itskennyandjosh ONLINE (12/03/2015) [-]
**itskennyandjosh used "*roll picture*"**
**itskennyandjosh rolled image**That really does not work, like at all honestly, i'd take the games **** graphics over tf2 style people any day
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+23
#13 - anon (12/03/2015) [-]
How the **** do people do this on SOCIAL media, and not think it'll be public?
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+1
User avatar #161 to #13 - talldumbdork (12/03/2015) [-]
Probably fake. Like 92.4% sure.
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+40
User avatar #25 - thelegendofcj (12/03/2015) [-]
Why the **** is this lady tweeting about me
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+1
#166 to #25 - nickelakon (12/03/2015) [-]
Because you're her son you ungrateful twit
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+10
User avatar #24 - inzix (12/03/2015) [-]
it's ******* called fleshlights, not ******* flashlights.
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+18
#57 - alcoholicsemen (12/03/2015) [-]
so i won a box of fleshlights and showed my mom immediately after opening
too lazy to think of elaborate lie
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0
User avatar #88 to #57 - kurtlanglie ONLINE (12/03/2015) [-]
>Fleshlight Girls

What?
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+9
User avatar #90 to #88 - tsagu (12/03/2015) [-]
They get porn stars and make molds on their pussies, mouths or assholes and make them into fleshlights.
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+4
User avatar #107 to #90 - manofparody (12/03/2015) [-]
So basically, giant gaping holes that is basically like a hotdog in a hallway?
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0
User avatar #109 to #107 - fjacctfucku (12/03/2015) [-]
nevermind, i had items hidden
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+1
User avatar #104 to #90 - fjacctfucku (12/03/2015) [-]
how do you apply colored text? I've forgotten how and I've got like 50 items of it
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0
User avatar #182 to #104 - couscous (12/04/2015) [-]
posttwo
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0
User avatar #191 to #182 - posttwo (12/04/2015) [-]
Go on your profile
Click on the item for colored text
Press apply
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+1
User avatar #91 to #90 - kurtlanglie ONLINE (12/03/2015) [-]
Oh. That clarifies things. The name could use some tweaking, I was confused and thought it was a female's fleshlight.
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0
User avatar #125 to #90 - mangostormlegend (12/03/2015) [-]
That sounds painful, or at least very uncomfortable
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+3
User avatar #122 to #57 - nerolord (12/03/2015) [-]
no one is asking the important question. how did you win it?
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+2
User avatar #132 to #122 - alcoholicsemen (12/03/2015) [-]
answered a question correctly fastest
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0
#163 to #132 - talldumbdork (12/03/2015) [-]
You responded to nerolord's question within 4 minutes. Have a giant supply of dragon dildos. Congrats!
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+1
User avatar #164 to #163 - alcoholicsemen (12/03/2015) [-]
can i make profit
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+3
#165 to #164 - talldumbdork (12/03/2015) [-]
Congrats! You responded to my comment within a minute, have this box of plush sex dolls from MLP!
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+1
User avatar #168 to #165 - alcoholicsemen (12/03/2015) [-]
which brony site can i sell those
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0
#169 to #168 - talldumbdork (12/03/2015) [-]
Congrats! You once again show your aptitude for prompt responses, our final gift today is this porcelain Jesus figurine dating 1980. Perfect for placing around your house or in your bathroom, because Jesus is always watching you! I can here it saying "ayy lmao" from here......
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+8
User avatar #158 - elcreepo (12/03/2015) [-]
You can't keep a kid from masturbating.

That's how sexual frustration builds and then they rape someone.

I wanna see her reaction if I said that...
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+16
#31 - englman (12/03/2015) [-]
Are the Amish really using Twitter now?
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+7
#127 - myjunk (12/03/2015) [-]
Wall mounted. Nice
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0
User avatar #130 to #127 - ogthegreat (12/03/2015) [-]
>#92
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0
#154 to #130 - myjunk (12/03/2015) [-]
Didn't have the time to read 92 comments
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0
User avatar #157 to #154 - ogthegreat (12/03/2015) [-]
You don't have to.
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User avatar #151 to #130 - kibbleking (12/03/2015) [-]
>>#92
newfag
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0
User avatar #156 to #151 - ogthegreat (12/03/2015) [-]
I've been here since July jackass. Doesn't mean I've mastered everything.
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0
User avatar #192 to #156 - jagerhaus (12/04/2015) [-]
that's okay pinky
123>
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