30 British Problems
Not quite catching someone' s name,
meaning you can never speak to them again.
Realising you' entered the wrong shop
and having to pretend to look around for a
Being incapable of placing your items on the
counter in a shop without saying "Just these
Going in a pub to use the loo and pretending
to look for a friend all the way into the
Worrying you' ll be suspected a thief if
exiting a shop without making a purchase.
Saying you' re pleased with your haircut
despite the deep inner sadness it' s causing
Deeming it necessary to do a little jog over
zebra crossings, while throwing in an
apologetic mini wave.
The shock of tasting Earl Grey when you
Attempting to deal with a by
staring fiercely at the back of their head.
Resigning yourself to an unusual and
arduous train route, rather than risk sharing
your commute with a colleague.
Writing a terribly modest CV, for fear of
Being unable to eat crisps at your desk
without worrying your mouth sounds like a
Never wanting to use an exclamation mark
yet worrying you' ll come across as miserable
Hoping your friend finishes their story so
you don' t have to miss your bus stop.
Panicking in a sandwich shop and allowing a
distressingly odd combination of fillings to
Allowing your bladder to explode rather
than wake a fellow plane passenger.
Nodding silently when your barber says "is
that alright?" even when it isn' t.
Not being able to say "great" without
Not wanting to use an emoticon yet
worrying you' ll come across as sarcastic
Receiving an email ending in "regards" and
wondering what you' done to cause so
Asking to sample an ale, disliking it and
ordering a whole pint so as not to further
waste the barman' s time.
Seeing someone you know walking just
ahead of you, so stopping dead in the street
until they' re completely out of sight.
Losing faith in your delivery halfway through
a joke, so just explaining what the punch line
was going to be and why.
Nearly washing the skin off your hands so as
not to pressure using the dryer
Pretending to look at things you don' t even
want in the supermarket when someone
else is browsing the food you do.
Being unable to turn and walk in the
opposite direction without first taking out
your phone and frowning at it.
Noticing a small patch of blue sky and
immediately purchasing 24 cases of Pime' s.
Running out of ways to say thanks when a
succession of doors are held for you, having
already deployed 'cheers', 'ta,' and 'nice
Shutting yourself in the wardrobe until the
window cleaner has finished and left.
Assuring your hairdresser the water
temperature is fine, despite a strong suspicion
your scalp is beginning to melt.