Alumni. . University Asks Alumni For Donation Money. One Graduate Sends Back This Amazing Email. Dear University Alumni Office, I' m sorry to hear that the univ
Home Original Content Funny Pictures Funny GIFs YouTube Funny Text Funny Movies Channels Search

hide menu

Alumni

University Asks Alumni For
Donation Money. One Graduate
Sends Back This Amazing Email.
Dear University Alumni Office,
I' m sorry to hear that the university' s
million endowment has fallen in value to
million because of the recession and because
your bank died. I' m also sorry to hear that
you' re dealing with declining enrollment due
to the fact that families are no
longer willing or able to bet their homes on a
higher education for their
children. I really am.
So, what I want to know is, why are you
wasting money on glossy fundraising
brochures full of meaningless synonyms for
the word "Excellence"? And, why are you
sending them to ME? Yes, I know that I got a
master' s degree at your fine institution, but
that master' s degree hasn' t done jack **** for
me since I got it! I have been unemployed for
the past TWO YEARS and I am now a
professional , sending out
dozens of resumes a month to employers, and
the degree I received in your hallowed halls is
at the TOP OF IT and it doesn' t do a f** king
thing.
You know, maybe if you wanted a little bit of
money from me (and these days you' d get
about ) maybe you should send me a fancy
color brochure admitting your role in the
bubble economics that got us all in to this
mess.
For example, since 1987, higher education
expenses have gone up aso percent, while
personal income in this country has gone up
87 percent, making tuition IMPOSSIBLE to
afford without special financing. But, during
this time, you were thriving because people
could come up with the cash in two ways:
L Get a home equity loan and use the inflated
value of their house to pay for their kid to get
drunk at your school and then lose the house
when the market crashed.
2. Get a federal loan.
HAD IT OCCURRED TO YOU THAT NEITHER OF
THESE SOURCES OF MONEY ACTUALLY EXIST?
THAT IT WAS BEING MANUFACTURED
BECAUSE YOU MADE PEOPLE THINK THAT
ONE OF YOUR DEGREES WAS NECESSARY TO
CLIMB TO THE TOP OF THE BUBBLE?
Oh yes, federal loans. I' got , 000 of
those, which are in "forbearance" right now
because I' m unemployed, meaning that the
feds are paying the interest for a while, which
is convenient for me, but not for our
government which is now owned by China.
You know, the idea behind federal loans was
that it would allow more students to attend
your university, not let you INFLATE your
tuition to obscene levels! I mean, what the
f** k were you spending the , 000 per
semester on, anyway? I was in a public policy
program, so that meant we got to sit in
classrooms and listen to Professor God up at
the front of the lecture hall glorify Himself and
Creation as He saw it and talk about how
much smarter he was than anyone else and
how much he' d learned at MIT and the RAND
Corporation.
Really, that' s about all you did for us -- gave us
a lecture hall, gave us an arrogant bastard to
listen to, and gave us a room full of computers
we could use sometimes, and you gave us a
degree that employers look at and say "This
guy knows how to write reports. Amusing."
And I will be paying for this privilege until I am
SI years old.
So I' m sorry that the economy' s been rough on
you. Maybe, if you wanted to save a little
money, you could stop printing and sending
brochures to my parents' house (oh yeah,
that' s where I live because I can' t afford rent
on ANYTHING). And, maybe I' ll donate a little
bit of money to you in 2030, when I get the
loans for your imaginary education PAID OFF!
Sincerely you rs,
Alumnus
...
  • Recommend tagsx
+73
Views: 6228
Favorited: 9
Submitted: 07/12/2014
Share On Facebook
Add to favorites Subscribe to thirdoffive E-mail to friend submit to reddit

Show All Replies Show Shortcuts
Show:   Top Rated Controversial Best Lowest Rated Newest Per page:
Order:
What do you think? Give us your opinion. Anonymous comments allowed.
#1 - coronangel (07/13/2014) [-]
colleges
#2 - lumendeus (07/13/2014) [+] (4 replies)
German constitution includes the right for education, therefore you will pay ~500€ per year for everything. This includes a public tranportation flatrate. Many German universities have master programs in english. Come here. We need and appreciate smart people.

Youtube will offer you a lot of information on germany. For example: www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERuSc2lP_V8
This video shows the complete costs:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9h6W6jxq_0
User avatar #4 to #2 - Blargosnarf ONLINE (07/13/2014) [-]
Yes, we intense bodyloveing get it, other countries have better school plans, are you done rubbing you're dick and ready to give me a goddamn plane ticket? No? Then shut up and let us try to fix this mess.
#10 - anonymous (07/16/2014) [-]
com on you idiots, really school should be provided for by the bloody government, stop spending so much on killing everyone and think about the fuuuuutuuuure, *dribbles down her own chin* the fuuutuuuuure *fades into the shadows*
User avatar #9 - mikemeiers (07/14/2014) [-]
Maybe if they got their masters in something other than intense bodyloveing basket weaving, they would be employed. Also, subtracting the inflation of the dollar, expenses have only gone up ~250%.
#8 - anonymous (07/14/2014) [-]
Or you could be smart go to a good school and major in something useful instead of art history
#7 - anonymous (07/14/2014) [-]
Or you could go to state school, I go for 15,000 a year after my scholarship. Plus if you get an on campus job or financial aid the cost of school quickly drops under 10k a year. I really hate people who not so good lady about not having a job when they overpay for a digestive end productty school and get a degree in a useless major.
#6 - jakeattack (07/13/2014) [-]
i wouldn't say a college education is always worthless, you cant go anywhere in engineering or science without it, but the cost is quite ridiculous, agreed on that.
#3 - anonymous (07/13/2014) [-]
"cough" Finland "cough"
 Friends (0)